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female
age
41-50,
*use
writes: My husband and I never have sex and our two toddlers cry all day. I feel like I am going crazy. He's always at work. When he is home he looking at porn or playing video games. I have no one and extremely depressed. Is this normal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Let me just say videos game and porn are weak addictions that can be kicked.
Addictions are gate ways to other addictions that's why video games porn are commonly found together.
First make sure he only plays video games about 2 hours a day or it could change your brain chemistry and make feel high or happy. Also try playing video games together.
Guys look at porn if they are horny. Yes it seems like men are horny all the time. Try having sex more, and more than just once a day. You should try to sex up a sex scheduled. So that hes not horny between scheduled sex.
Also like in to him seeing a psychiatrist. Some people use weak addictions to keep their mind if an emotional problem that they are struggling with.
Remember guys have feelings too. Hiding them or locking them in their subconscious makes them feel tough.
Also it sound like you and your husband need to go away for the weekend and have some fun. Like a 2nd honeymoon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Let me just say videos game and porn are weak addictions that can be kicked.
Addictions are gate ways to other addictions that's why video games porn are commonly found together.
First make sure he only plays video games about 2 hours a day or it could change your brain chemistry and make feel high or happy. Also try playing video games together.
Guys look at porn if they are horny. Yes it seems like men are horny all the time. Try having sex more, and more than just once a day. You should try to sex up a sex scheduled. So that hes not horny between scheduled sex.
Also like in to him seeing a psychiatrist. Some people use weak addictions to keep their mind if an emotional problem that they are struggling with.
Remember guys have feelings too. Hiding them or locking them in their subconscious makes them feel tough.
Also it sound like you and your husband need to go away for the weekend and have some fun. Like a 2nd honeymoon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): gosh, you know what? i know exactly how you feel. my husband comes home everyday and drinks,and watched porn, and plays video games.and i to feel alone and depressed. like why get married to me if thats all your gonna do?marriage isnt supposed to be hard work. but when he watches porn he does it so i wont know. was i born yesterday? no i know what he does and i have even seem him. and you know guys may think it doesnt matter because its this fantasy girl who is doing her job, but as a women you know what? it hurts. emotionally it makes me feel like im not good enough, it makes me wonder is he thinking about another girl when we are having sex? why did he lie to me all those times and tell me how beautiful i was if he didt mean it?am i not sexually pleasing him? i mean how would you guys like it if we had sexy guys all over the place? of course it would make you feel insecure. i mean how are we supposed to feel? men if you really loved your wife you wouldnt make her feel insecure remember shes supposed to be the women you love more than anything and who you think is the most beautiful women in the world. dont let her feel like shes not worth anything. she will never forget that feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): Well that's the thing right. I have a friend who is also in a similar problem as your's. Her hubby plays video games and lacks ambition, doesn't do much of anything but he is great with the kids. She is on the otherhand, very unhappy, very unsatisfied emotionally, physically and mentally of course. She told me that he used to be ambitious to a point. Had goals he wanted to achieve, etc, but after the death of his father, he changed to this 'kid' who just sits around and plays video games all day. He doesn't have much friends, doesn't do much of anything like I said.
I said to her that you can't teach ambition to a person, but maybe she needs to be more aggressive in the relationship to get things going (again). I think she/you have to take charge and make thing happen. If in the end, he still slugs around and ignore your plea for more exploration and adventuring, then the other less-prudent thing to do is call for a separation - not necessarily a divorce, but a separation, maybe even go as 'far' as having a taboo'd relationship of sorts. So rather than bluntly say to cheat, you can always arrange something with your hubby with someone else.
Of course, that isn't the ideal thing to do. First and foremost, it doesn't work with everyone. Second, it's not accepted by everyone, not that should be an issue.
Anyway, it's a hard one no doubt. I'm not religious at all, so it's easier for me to say the things I had said. Alas, what can you do, is like I said, be more aggressive. Take the kids to the grandparents, and book a nice trip just the two of you to someplace great and fun, that might bring back old times ignored, maybe even get into gaming yourself? Maybe find something that you two can mutuallly enjoy. Experiment, trial and error - maybe something can come along and shock your hubby (back) into action.
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female
reader, fuse +, writes (18 December 2006):
fuse is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he is great with the kids. He play with them and watch cartoons with them etc. It's me I feel he neglects. He watches movies with me. In order for us to talk I hsve to initate the conversations but more times than less he makes one comment and leaves me rambling on. He then ignores me doesn't respond to anything and ends up making me feeling stupid. Then he eventually go off and sneak and look at porn or ask me if it's okay for him to play the video game. the reason he ask is because he use to play all day long and I eventually said something so he doesn't play as often anymore the real new/old problem is porn,
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): I think if you have tried to talk to him and he won't change, and/or if you've tried pushing for counselling but he is unwilling, then it's time for you to move on. It's better to raise your children in a family that has separated parents, than in a family with the parents that aren't happy together. At least with separated parents, the mom and/or dad can work out a way to prioritize around the children. At the very least, it may give you more freedom to work on your kids and your own life, rather than on a marriage that doesn't seem like it's goind anywhere.
His selfishness can have a major effect on the dynamics of a family. If you're unhappy, the kids eventually pick this up, and they become unhappy. Better you forfeit one aspect (your hubby) and go for the greater good.
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