A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have seen many bad days. None of my relationship was successful. All my boyfriends cheated with me. M so stressed and unhappy. Now adays smal smal things irritates me and i start fighting with who ever comes cross. Please help me...how can i change myself ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 Find the common thread in all your relationships. Something, or several somethings, are causing this, and all you have to do is find and change those things. Look for common threads in your history. I'll list a few examples, but without more information, I can only guess; you'll either have to provide more info in a follow-up or use the questions as a starting point to come up with your own.
First off, what kinds of guys are you meeting? Where are you meeting them? If you're selecting guys purely for how attractive they are, then you aren't filtering out the players. If you're turning down every guy who makes a bad first impression, you're missing out on a lot of decent guys.
How are you treating them? Some guys always cheat, some never cheat, but most fall into the middle ground who will cheat if they feel they aren't getting what they want out of a relationship. If you're flakey, clingy, ball-busting, or frigid in bed, you run the risk of the middle-ground guys deciding to cheat. Have you treated every guy the same way? If so, try to figure out (or ask) what might not be working.
Examine your own friends, and the friends of the guys you have been dating. Some friends are absolutely toxic to relationships. I've dating girls whose chronically-single friends will always look for opportunities to say "You can do better!" or "Come out for girls' night and meet guys with us!" Conversely, I've had to tell some of my own friends in no uncertain terms that their opinions on my relationships are not welcome.
This is a just a starting point. Tisha's advice is solid for building your confidence and self-image up; I'd recommend doing what she said before starting on this stuff. But when you're ready, start examining how you go about building relationships, and look for the flaws. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2011):
 Sorry to hear you are suffering with bad relationships and unhealthy thinking. I have a couple of things you might find helpful.
Books: "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, M.D. Basically acknowledges that life is suffering but it's worth working on yourself.
"You Can Heal Your Life" and other works by Louise L. Hay.
Website for working on anxiety and depression issues and how they distort one's perception of life: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome This is free, you have to register and work through the exercises.
I just found this one recently and think it has some good stuff in there: http://www.actionforhappiness.org
I personally find yoga to be extremely healing and nurturing. One of my yoga friends gets up each morning, puts on some happy music and dances for an hour, around her house! She's a widow who lost her husband to cancer and continues to enjoy life and find joy in the small things.
Don't watch too much TV. Find one or two uplifting, inspiring shows and watch those.
You are young and presumably have some spare time? Find a really good cause to volunteer for. Read books for the blind. Go cuddle babies in the NICU. Get involved with breast cancer charities, autism, diabetes, heart disease, there is so much out there you can help with.
Start an exercise program if you don't have one, I don't care what you do, just walk for 30 minutes 3 times a week for a start. Move your body and move the blood through your veins. It's good for your heart and your brain.
If you are eating crappy food, stop. No sodas. Watch the red meat and saturated fat. Have you been to your doctor lately? Go see him or her. I had depression and didn't know what the hell to do until one day I finally made an appointment. This doctor ran a full physical on me and at the end of the appointment, I was standing on the sidewalk with a prescription for an antidepressant clutched in my sweaty little hand. I wavered and finally thought, 'what the hell do I have to lose.' I am thrilled I followed through with his prescription and I have been off that medication now for nearly 2 years. I took it for less than a year and it completely altered my life. It reset my brain chemistry in some way and I now manage to stay on track through exercise, good nutrition, yoga and doing the things I know are good for me. Don't fight the help when it's offered.
Play happy, uplifting, inspiring music. Preferably without lyrics so you can create your own.
I found a great prescription on another website. I'll let you find it:
Removing negative thought: Tips to overcome and step outside of your comfort Zone.
Create a realistic and viable plan.
Do something positive everyday, no matter how small, that will help you get to your end result.
Craft your one-minute elevator “sales pitch” because this will require you to really focus.
... Accept that sometimes you are going to fail but not trying is more of a failure.
If things begin to go awry maintain a sense of humor.
Instead of saying “I can’t” start with “I can.” For example, change “I can’t possibly run a marathon” to “I can run six miles” now how do I get to the marathon.
Believe that what you are doing (or want to do) is important and make it a priority.
Exercise (always helps to get the endorphins and creative energy flowing).
Help someone; this is one tip that I am going to begin to pursue more frequently because there is no better way to create positive energy than to help someone who is really in need.
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It's a lot to read. Today, take a 30 minute walk and phone or go see a girlfriend. Spend some time with her. Eat light nutritious meals and plan your day tomorrow. Monday, ring up your doctor and go in for a checkup.
Good luck to you!
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