| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I feel so dumb and childish asking for help about this...My boyfriend's exes are all beautiful. Really beautiful. One of them was chosen the most beautiful/hottest of the class when he was in high school, the other one has tons of admirers, and some other non-exes (but girls he hooked up with) are regarded as gorgeous aswell. He didn't have a relationship with them just because they were beautiful; they did share stuff in common, and they broke up for other reasons (cheating, moving away, etc.).He says looks are important, but not the most important. But I can't help but compare and feel uglier. I've never been regarded as beautiful, quite the opposite, I've even been called ugly (albeit by a very stupid and immature ex classmate back in highschool... only once). But I just feel so awful because they all had long, thick hair, nice skin, delicate features... while I've always felt, well, plain! Plus, they're all thinner and better built. The other day he joked about me going bald and that my thighs are flabby! He apologized though and said he still thinks I'm smokin'. He does compliment me quite a lot, so I know he doesn't think I'm hideous or anything.I know, I know, he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, but who am I kidding? Guys do care about looks, it's biologically imprinted on them to care about it! I just want to make myself more beautiful, but I don't know how! I have a lot of hangups... my thin hair (I must add, I've only got a little hair), my broad face, my ugly mouth, my big frame (I'm not fat, maybe a bit chubby and flabby, but you know, wide hips, broad shoulders - at least I have a significantly smaller waist), my breasts are too small for my frame, my flabby thunder thighs... I'm plain. I0ve never been considered beautiful. Only by him, but he's blinded by love!I just want to feel like the prettiest girl he's dated, but I can't! They're all so gorgeous :( I can't tell him how I feel because I've already talked about this with him and he's become upset because he says it's nonsense, it's not a big deal, that I'm beautiful and that even if they were prettier then, what gives? Help?
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female
reader, lightbulb  +, writes (12 June 2008):
How in the world do you know what all his exes look like? I don't like this guy. I think he is manipulative. The reason you know how all his exes look is because he made it a point for you to know. From what I am picking up he had to have showed you pics of them and/or talked about them. That being the case you must ask yourself why. What was he hoping to accomplish by doing this? He "joked" about your insecurities because he is aware of what you don't like about yourself. Trust me he knows what he is doing. He wants to make you feel like he is a prize by showing all you the beautiful women he can pull. He is working on establishing control of the relationship so he can have you under his thumb. And the best way to do that is by subtly nitpicking at you and then he acts like you are over reacting. afriad to talk Don't talk to him about it. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW ANYMORE OF YOUR INSECURITIES.By trying to be the prettiest he has ever dated, you will be like a dog chasing it's own tail. There are things you can do to improvw your looks, BUT they should be done for you. You can get hair extensions(there are so many different kinds) or you could try volumizing condtioners. As far as your body, a workout regimine can do wonders and the endorphins that circulate when you excercise will help you feel better about yourself.Most importantly work on you inner self. A healthy mind/attitude projects to the outside world. Be careful with this guy. Why is he saying his exes are prettier than you? YOU ARE THE ONE HE IS WITH. You should be getting all of the accolades not them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Your who you are, make the best of yourself and feel confident. He's with you! he fell in love with you! Not all guys are shallow and you obviously got one of them, now stop worrying.
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A
female
reader, Lolapink +, writes (1 June 2008):
 That's a tough one. I had a boyfriend in high school who made it a point to show me pictures of his ex's that were cute. And he would tell me that other people thought I was ugly but he thought I was beautiful. (Which was b.s. because his friends tried to date me after we broke up). Anyway he may be trying to pump up his exes to make himself feel good because I don't understand why a guy would make a point to list their exes shining qualities unless it made him feel special. I would tell him not to talk about his exes. And he should say that he thinks you are prettier than all of them.
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A
female
reader, uraqt9697 +, writes (1 June 2008):
You say that you know he is in love with you right? To get to that point, he obviously had to be attracted to you at some point, so congratulations! I can look at a 6 foot tall blonde girl with a gorgeous tan,thick hair, and clear skin and think that she's beautiful, and you can look at her, and she may not tickle your fancy in any way. It's all a matter of perception, and I think you're driving yourself nuts...he thinks your fabulous, and the more that you believe it, the more fabulous you'll be...he's not blinded by love, he thinks you're amazing, and I think that it's about time you believe it, otherwise you're going to drive yourself nuts, and drive him away!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I'm sorry but you will probably never feel like the best compared to his other exes.
But you can accept that beauty has more than one standard.
Who are the male celebrities that you think are the sexiest? They're probably not the best looking men on the planet.
Your favorite guys probably still look way better than average but there are underwear models on shampoo commercials that have fewer "flaws" than any of the big stars. Being pretty is more than just finding a number by adding up your good points and subtracting the bad ones.
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