A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over a year and I feel like I married a loser. I earn more money than him, I have a better social life and I do all the home improvements also! He is incapable of doing any plumbing or anything! And the sex is just mediocre. I havent had an orgasm since we got married!My mother told me to hang on, because it is a phase. And I am feeling superior just because of the job and money. But I just can't stand him, all day boring and all night snoring!Please help me to understand this "phase" better, make me realize that I have been a really egocentric wife. Or if you have a similar story with a happy ending please do share it with me. I need to know I did not made a mistake. =(
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female
reader, learning2BHappy +, writes (27 January 2009):
I also married a loser, but I now understand why. Let me tell you why I did and then I want to ask you why you married him so you can learn to break this behavior.My mother was a severe alcholoic that died from drinking at the age of 44. Drinking causes vericose veins and a vein in her esophogus ruptured and she bled to death - it was all due to drinking. But on the emotional side, I was an ignored child. Her drinking made her unavailable to me plus it took up all the attention of my father. I had become programmed to live in a house filled with turmoil plus to love people that ignored me and did not put my feelings first.I am in my second marriage and I did it again - I married a guy that does not truly respect me or our family. I am seriously considering a divorce. He is a loser. I am ready to marry a winner, and I don't care how long it takes me to find one.So I ask you... what is it about you that brought you to marry a loser? Until you address that question, you really can't help yourself. No one marries a loser by accident.
A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You said “I just can’t stand him” with that in mind what are you really looking for. I can’t help but wonder what he did prior to the marriage that made you want to marry him, which was only just over a year ago. What did you miss or wasn’t he that way before the marriage? If he’s changed you will have to wonder why and certainly need to discuss it with him. I see you brought up the money issue and some other posts have in my opinion taken that wrong. I suspect you are only bringing that up because you are so frustrated with all the rest of his behavior. The thing is if he is this way at a young age what on earth could you hope will happen later in life. It really sounds like you have a compatibility problem there. You sound like an energetic person and he sounds like a couch potato. I do not think this is a phase at all I think he simply is what he is and you either accept it or move on. You don’t need your mother’s permission and in the end you deserve to be happy.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Women don't like to be told that they have made a mistake.
Most couples enjoy a 2 year honeymoon period after their marriage.
After 1 year , your marriage is like 10 years old.
How can it be a phase?
It is in the rut and the deep end of it.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Why on earth did you marry this guy? You mention absolutly no reason.
Am I right in thinking that you had a short courtship/engagement and didn't live together before?
It is not unusual for sex to die down in a marriage, but right after you say 'I do' is a bit odd. Not even an orgasm during the honeymoon? Did you ever have one before the marriage? (with him or anyone?) Did you two have sex before the marriage?
So he is not mr FixIt. Did you not find this out before the marriage. Anyway does it matter?
Now the job/money. Again, did you not know this beforehand? What is his job and your job because if he is a teacher and you are a stockbroker, then what did you expect. Money ain't everything.
The job/money makes you feel superior. That is intresting because it raises the question what it makes you if the man makes more money. Is a woman who earns less then a man inferior in your eyes? Should we all go for the high paying jobs?
You can't possibly have not know all these things before you said 'I do', so what gives? Did you get a case of delayed cold feet. Suddenly realizing your single life is over and you are now in this marriage until the day you die and think "oh my god is this all there is"? That might be the phase you are going through.
Or you are an extremely shallow woman. But if you are why did you marry him or did you chance after the marriage?
Or he is indeed a loser. He may well be a lousy lover, he may well have a lousy job with no prospects, he may well be unhandy or just to lazy to take care of the house.
But all this changed within one year? Surely if that happened you would have said so.
What happened between "Hi, my name is", "I do" and now?
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