A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm a bit confused at the moment! I recently ended an 8 year relationship a few months ago and I know I am in no way ready for another. However, I have a high sex drive and it had been over six months since I had sex. Basically, against my nature, I found a 'friend with benefits' who calls me almost daily for the past few weeks, and have had one sexual encounter with. He's a complete stranger but I really like him, find him very attractive, but feel very torn about whether I should see him again. I like a man who takes control and rough to a point, and was interested in exploring some different things but there is a line and I think he crossed it. I did enjoy most of it at the time but felt a bit cheap the next day, not because of the sex but some of the stuff involved. My question is, what does it say about a man if he is very aggressively dominating and talks dirty (calling me slut, f**k toy etc) in a degrading manner? Why would a professional man in his mid thirties fantasise about treating a woman like dirt? A man generally wouldn't treat a girlfriend/wife like that either, hence finding no strings attached type situations? He is also very attentive and intimate, so I'm not saying he didn't give me any pleasure or was selfish at all.Maybe I'm getting carried away when it is just a fun fetish of his and I'm the wrong partner for him, I'm just curious as to whether this is a massive red flag into how he is in other areas of his life. Also, more confusingly, how can I enjoy it but feel uncomfortable and at the same time? I'm an intelligent woman with self respect, if you are uncomfortable shouldn't you run for the hills? I never thought of myself as a prude but maybe I need to loosen up - my ex had very little libido and I spent years unsatisfied. I'm totally torn between being a free independent modern woman and not being capable of the casual thing. Any thoughts would be appreciated, if any of that made any sense...:)
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cheap, libido, my ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Thank you for your answers, I found them very interesting.
I actually had very honest chat with him tonight and he was lovely and understanding, telling me it doesn't always have to be like that and he thought that I liked it. I don't think he doesn't think I'm trash, he knows he is the second man I have slept with in 8 years and a part of me is little uncomfortable with the whole sex without relationship thing. We are on the same wavelength now and I am enjoying his company and conversation more than anything else. There is a trust and respect there, strangely enough and now I understand it's just a little game he likes. I am not scared by it at all, was just different to anything I have had before - most were all gentle and 'lovey'.
Thanks guys :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): "what does it say about a man if he is very aggressively dominating and talks dirty (calling me slut, f**k toy etc) in a degrading manner"
Well, that is probably what he thinks about you...and probably what he thinks about women in general.
Really, some people get off being called that kind of thing, but more often than not is just means one thing...they consider you trash.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Depends on whether he's scaring you, really. Personally I don't like men who talk in that manner, but if you do like it, why not enjoy it while it lasts. It might be a red flag from a relationship point of view though. Men like that rarely make good husbands.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): what how bad is he exactly? does he scare you, if you enjoy it sex is sex unless you feel he could lose control,
ppl do and say some weird things when they enjoys sex, i have a girl who hates anal as do i but when i we are having sex sometimes she has said "&*%$ my Ass"
at first i didnt like it but she explained its just her way of verbalizing her mind and she means ass as in her person(ie i sit down on my lazy ass all day)
she can also get quite rough also, as long as you enjoy and are not scared i wouldnt worry
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (6 February 2011):
Well you either - on balance - enjoy the sex with him or you don't.
If you enjoy it and he's using condoms [ a must as you have no idea where else his penis goes ] why not just carry on enjoying it until you either don't enjoy it or you meet someone else ?
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