A
female
age
51-59,
*jjj
writes:i met a guy 17 years younger than me on the internet 2 yrs ago. im 43 hes 26. hes catholic and unconventional and lebanese (lives there). we had a passionate two year relationship talking every night on cam and on phone each day. we were inseparable. neither wanted kids and wanted this type of age gap relationship and we were getting married. all along i knew the culture and there would be problems, but he always told me he would face them and never let me go. we met a few times had a couple of holidays together and knew it was real. it was like we had known each other for years. when he told his family, they went nuts and told him he was crazy. i was old enough to be his mother, he was ruining his life and they wouldnt let him be with me. they said i wasnt suitable. he fought with them for 5mths, but in the end his mother gave him an ultimatum, she said its either her or me. he loves his mother very much as she sacrificed a lot for himm when he was younger. it was too much for him to bear and they made him feel guilty with family tradition etc. he ended it and even now 6 mths later we still talk every week on cam. we are friends and he doesnt want to lose me in his life. i dont want to lose him either and i cant move on , cos i still love him so much. hes told me that he will never be as happy as he was with me, but cant be with me. it simply wont work cos he will lose his family and he doesnt want them to not talk to him again. last night he cried so much on cam to me, he is so down and unhappy. he loves me still so much and said he never stopped his feelings for me but cant be with me. why is it so unfair for this to happen to two people who love each other so much. his family told him things he couldnt bear. made him feel guilty. its so wrong of them to do that. he said hes a coward and its all his fault. he wasnt strong enough. i asked him did he know all this from the beginning how they would react he said yes, he knew and expected it but thought he could be stronger. he said none of his family would let us be, not just his mother. he said he feels so guilty about me and he has hurt both of us. he should be hanged for what he did to me. i should move on find someone who not only loves me , but can love me. this is so unfair...!!! its so wrong of culture and families to do this. was i just a stupid older woman hoping for a happy life with him cos i trusted him so much or was this doomed from the start. we were happy and in love that is all, we werent doing anything wrong. he said he wasnt strong enough to walk away. its tearing him apart. he is torn between me and his family. im not blaming his culture but in the uk this wouldnt have happened. i know ppl who have these relationships and it has worked. was i just stupid or was he a coward...im so lost, i want him back so much. who is wrong here, him or his family or me..!!
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female
reader, jjjj +, writes (10 October 2011):
jjjj is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni spoke to him last night. asked him if he would ever change his mind about us, he said i dont know. i told him that if he had loved me enough, he would be with me now. he said i did love you enough, but not more than my family. its about the circumstancces here, not about me and how i feel about you. he said i still love you and always will. my feelings for you havent changed and i still love you the same as before. i love you in many ways more than you even know, and i did love you virtually from the moment i met you and still do. i told him that i felt the same as that and in that moment we were matched. i never would have said that i loved him virtually instantly before, cos he would have thought i was crazy, but now i know he felt the same too. im moving home in 3 weeks and the rental ill be having doesnt have web access. so this is probably the last few weeks i will talk to him for a while. maybe now its for the best, cos i will always want him back and will always be hoping that he will come back to me. but in reality as the time goes by, his love and feelings for me will fade and that i know is true, so the desire for me will get less. it is so wrong and so unfair for this to happen and he is a coward for not leaving them and being with the woman he loves, but i still feel a loss too, cos i know how i felt about him and still do and i know in my heart that i may never find this with someone again and that is what hurts the most, that i had it and now ive lost it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 my boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am. So I see nothing wrong with a 17 year gap one way or the other.
I have a friend now.. (not a mother so it's different) who told me "pick your boyfriend or my friendship" and I shocked her called her bluff and said "ok my boyfriend"
guess who is still my friend?
IF your bf is brave enough to realize that his mommy will not always be there for him he can do the same. Be prepared for him to be disowned at least for a bit.... folks must save face ya know...
best of luck to you guys.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (5 October 2011):
Honestly if you love him age shouldnt matter. I have a question. have you met his family? Do they know who you are or? Do they know what you look like? If not why dont you just say you are 30? Who cares about age. but if its a big thing for his family, why wouldnt you just tell them what they want to hear?
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