A
male
age
30-35,
*obThePizzaBoy
writes:I turned 21 years old earlier this week and it's been dawning on me lately that I've never asked out a girl ever. I'm trying to figure out if I should feel bad about this or not.In high school, I was seen as different from a lot of the other kids due to my unique interests. Most girls wouldn't give me the time of day or solely see me as a huge joke. I had cute little clearly unrequited-but-still-like-em-anyway crushes throughout middle school and high school but nothing particularly serious. For the most part, any girl I had more than one conversation with was a friend's sister or someone I communicated primarily through the internet and lived out-of-state. It certainly didn't help that my consistent unpopularity in high school took a toll on my very low self-confidence that still stands today. My junior year, I finally fell for a freshman girl in my journalism class, we'll just refer to her by her first initial "A," who actually seemed like she really had interest in me as a person and as the school year went on and my feelings for her just grew and grew and continued to do so into senior year, however A kept steering herself away from me the more I tried to be nice to her. I wasn't intentionally trying to stalk her or anything, but I'm sure A interpreted it that way. Combine that with the amount of crap that happened to me junior year (bullying, etc.), I'm sure A's kindness was just out of pity. Nowadays, I look back and wonder what I ever saw in her. She's completely in the past. Amazing, two years ago I was thinking about her every day and now I forget she exists.After that pain (I didn't even go to my school's senior prom because I thought no girl would want to be seen with me in public), I took a long hiatus from trying to find a girlfriend for my first two years of college. When I began lifeguarding this past summer, there was a cute girl, we'll call her "E," who had just finished high school and was about to start university who, again, seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, and unlike A, E seemed to stay interested. She actually enjoyed being around me. I managed to talk her into hanging out one night with some other people from work, but our plans fell through. I attempted to ask E if she wanted to see a movie a few days later to "make up" for the last time that went awry but she turned me down because she was about to leave for school and had packing to do. So I finally just had to let it out and confessed that I liked her, told her she was beautiful, the works. She was very flattered (E's own words: "I really admire your courage.") but wasn't really interested in dating for obvious reasons. But beside that, we're staying friends regardless. We've talked every once in a while since then, not often but enough to consider her a casual friend. I actually think she has a boyfriend at school already, so we're definitely just staying friends for a while. That's honestly the farthest I've gotten with a girl. Now I feel a little bad about it because there's always the chance we'll be working together again this coming summer and she'll see me as nothing more then "that guy who has a crush on me". But I suppose that's just making a mountain out of a molehill.I know it feels so weird, most of my friends have girlfriends and I'm the odd one out. I want to find someone but no one at my school really appeals to me (though that might have more to do with my disliking of the school I'm at and most of the girls here seem to be high school burnouts) so I really don't know if I have any options right now. Is this something to feel really bad about?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 I feel I want to smack you in the back of your head. Motherly , of course :).
No, there is nothing to feel particularly bad about, I mean, things could have been different, but, it is what it is , and you haven't massively screwed up and damaged your life for good. It's no biggie.
What you have done , or, in fact, omitted to do , you can't change it now. You can change the way you are going to act from today on. If you feel you want to ask girls out, start asking girls out. If there are no girls you like in your immediate social circle, either wait a little more if you chance into someone of your liking ,or lower your expectations or stretch your wings a bit and start seeking in different social circles. What's stopping you ?
Mind you, I get the shy teenager - social outcast - unpopular type who gets bullied etc, it must have been tough for a kid. But you are not a kid anymore, then was then, that was highschool and highschool drama ! I hope for you that you are out of those dynamics by now.
Well,one can be insecure even at 50 , sure. But... darling, you are lifeguarding. You are a lifeguard. Maybe you won't be jsut like those lifeguards on Baywatch, but, hey, lifeguards are generally fit and easy on the eyes. At the very least, decent- lookable at.
Sure , physique is not everything, and only shallow people judge books by their covers blah blah .But, my point is : at least you don't have the added obstacle of being a shy, lonely youngster who is also obese / unattractive / unsightly and must sweat it twice as much and be twice as brilliant/fun/ nice/romantic to get some female attention.
You just have to stop your exercise in navel gazing and self pity, and perhaps being a tad less critical and judgemental ( is it possible that ALL these girls in your school are so unpalatable ? ). And if you want to start dating- just start asking girls out !, and take any possible rejection in stride, as part of the game ( molehill ) not as a sign that you are different / worse / less desirable than the rest of humanity ( mountain ).
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