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anonymous
writes: Please help with this confusion. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now and she just recently moved out because she needed some time and space to take a break. She works three to ten days a month and I have a normal M-F, 8-5 type job, and because of this she felt I didn't show her enough appreciation and love because I'm not home more or take time off of work to "hang-out" with her and show her how much I love her. After she told me that she thought she needed a break and why, I tried to schedule as much time off from work as possible (I'm not a workaholic by any means)and rekindle the relationship, but to no avail. So after two months of trying to rekindle she moved out to start her "break". Here is where my confusion lies. She doesn't want to end the relationship, but tells me that because of this break she will be a better person, we will be a better, stronger couple and that because of this break we will save our relationship. That the only way to save our relationship is for her to take this break. She told me that she knows this will be hard on me, but wants me to hang in there and just give her a little space to breathe and a little time and everything will be ok. She told me that she doesn't want me to see other women, nor will she be seeing other men. We haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks, but she calls me every night before she goes to bed. My confusion is, is she letting me down easy, softening the blow, or could this possibly be the truth?
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reader, spacemanouevres  +, writes (25 October 2021):
the ole time and space is nothing more than a buffer to cast you aside painless like .cause in time youll grow apart and she will have moved on and hopefully you have too.honestly she veiws you as being pitiful!!! you have to recognize that..wait for no one,do not chase ,just replace..know that success is the best revenge or get even or burn whatever,you can have...feel good look good move on...life is to short to
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reader, spacemanouevres +, writes (25 October 2021):
the ole time and space is nothing more than a buffer to cast you aside painless like .cause in time youll grow apart and she will have moved on and hopefully you have too.honestly she veiws you as being pitiful!!! you have to recognize that..wait for no one,do not chase ,just replace..know that success is the best revenge or get even or burn whatever,you can have...feel good look good move on...life is to short to wait for someone that is under the radar
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reader, Brumble +, writes (2 September 2010):
As you can tell from all these answers, nobody has a good one. Use the Occam's razor principle...Occam's razor (or Ockham's razor[1]) is the principle that "entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity" (entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem). The popular interpretation of this principle is that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. (Wikipedia)The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Take that to the bank.This explanation will vary according to your specific relationship. No one but you truly knows this person and has a sense of her specific facets.Take out all the complex possibilities as to why she is doing this. Its all dried up brush around the green oasis of an answer.Sometimes Occam's Razor lives in your gut. Trust your gut. Give your brain a rest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): hey man, my girlfriend of 3 and a half years took the BREAK just 10 minutes ago..and the reason was over=protection and being the "hardman"..snapping at guys looking at her and apperntly bein a controller im only 18 but i love her more than anything in the world..honestly..i tried askin for chances but it dont work that way..let her be..but dont let her hav too much time if you get me..in between the break period..ask her how she is etc..ask rarely for the chance or to come back..make sure she tells you she loves you..more tahn once in the period of "Break"..my only advice is to be manly but dont show too much emotion, but at that leave your self open for the beating..to promote awarness of " he loves me enough to take the shi* he must really care..but DONOT be a doormat..that leads to failure ina large percenteage of relationships..good luck and wish me luck ..mike. =]
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reader, tinker bell +, writes (14 July 2010):
yes as a woman i have been friend of a man. our friendship went from foreplay to casual sex. he told me he is dating and has a girlfriend. i told him he needs to then leave me alone but he refuses to give me my space.
he calls me out of the blue or just comes over and we end up having sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): my girlfriend and i are going through the same thing, the only difference is that she forgets to call me at night. so some days, i don't even talk to her and i can't get a hold of her. its been 6 days...brutal
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Dude, there is one reason and one reason only for this situation.
yes its true she doesnt feel appreciated and yes she wants time away... and all that, but those are the symptoms not the source of the symptoms.
the source is another man. the only reason a woman would leave her man like that, and that is because there is another man. she is trying to decide between you, and the other guy, and she needs time.
she wants security, just like any other woman, you are her security, she knows that if it doesn't workout with the new dude she has you as a fallback. and if it does workout with the new dude she can ease her guilty conscious by telling herself that she let you down easy.
the late night "good night" calls, are for her security not yours, she is making sure you are alone and missing her, its her leash around your neck.
kick her to the curb and move on.
if you let her back into your life, then you are welcoming more of the same, if she did it once she'll do it again.
look at the bright side, she is out of your place, and the break up was her doing, she cannot file suit against you for patrimony, and not gonna get her greedy little hands on your 401K and you dont have to sell your car and split the proceeds with her. move on and next time, remember these words, "no matter how beautiful, kind, sweet, or loving she seems, there is a guy out there right now that is sick n tired of her crap, no matter who she is.
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Well we all ben thru it dont take time off from work its keeping u busy (sane) Everybody works she had time then and now she doesnt excuses i would lose all contact with her like she doesnt exist then maybe shell see you dont need her i know this is hard to do but when she not the focus shell wonder why
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reader, Garvanko  +, writes (20 July 2009):
Just happened to me! We have been having a serious of petty arguments (around 3 in the last week) this after a preety nice month or so where things were amazing. We've been going out six months, but she all of a sudden just told me we need a few days off. I was like "er why?". Personally, I think the days off can work, but sometimes, it can get over used as an excuse whenever a problem comes up. What happens when you're married and have the same arguments? You leave the house for a few days? How does that work??
But I love her dearly and I want this to work. Im worried though, cos she seems like she might do anything like break us up - its the woman who does anyway. We've been discussing the future etc and she seems like someone who I can settle down with. Only recently (like two weeks agao) i gave her a ring and told her its a symbol of my love and commitment (she loved it btw) and then over the weekend, wham bam! Time off. Thanks very much.
Anyhow, I'll give her space, tomorrow I'll go watch a movie with some mates, I'll focus on work, and when she does come back to me, i'll be less in her face, more understanding, more of a friend than boyfriend. Dunno how she will react, but I hope its positive.
She's 21 and Im 27, so I guess I need to act mature in all this, and I understand her emotions may be on high.
Hoping things work out, because I will be a bit upset if things don't..
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reader, Joes +, writes (2 September 2008):
Dude i think she just needs time off...She probably noticed you guys werent handling things the right way so she probably took the initiative and asked someone what she should do. Its probably best you give her space but if shes asking for a while its possible you need to act. It might mean shes not getting the kisses from "you" anymore. im not saying that she found someone else but, if you lover her dont let it happen.
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reader, Joes +, writes (2 September 2008):
Dude i think she just needs time off...She probably noticed you guys werent handling things the right way so she probably took the initiative and asked someone what she should do. Its probably best you give her space but if shes asking for a while its possible you need to act. It might mean shes not getting the kisses from "you" anymore. im not saying that she found someone else but, if you lover her dont let it happen.
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reader, Close1 +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I think its bull when they say they need "space". its complete bull. Something needs to fill that space. the reason you are a boyfriend in the first place is because they want to be with you correct? if there is a time that they dont want to be with you, then i think there is most likely someone to fill that void.
With alot young people in general, a year is a long time to be with one person. its not surprising that after that time they wanna see what else is out there without losing what they had. Dude i think its a definite red flag.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I do think she is being sincere. She does not want to lose you. She thinks you are great but also thinks you guys will form a greater couple when she finally defines herself. Don't you also think she needs a break for that? Relax, She is all yours I think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): I am going throught this right now myself. At firts I did not want her to go but, what can you do? She been gone for over a week now and is comming by tomorrow to get the rest of her things. As each day pass you do get stronger. I know if she really loves me she will be back if not it is her lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I am in the same position as you, My girlfriend has lived with me for over a year, previous she lived on her own for four years, now she tells me she wants to keep our relationship but movew out as she wants her space back.
I think once she has gone, our relation ship will end within a month.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): same boat people,but she is talking to her ex from a few years back,she says they are just freinds, and i think he is helping her now, because i said that we shouldn't talk for a week. day 4 0r 5 now, i was thinking of talking to her tomorrow night, but i dont think i will. i just hope that the thing with ex isn't bad, her freind says shes nearly 100% sure that they are just friends who are talking. i hope so, she is going back home for 2 weeks because of uni break, should we stay in minimal contact, or should i just let her talk to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Guys,Im a month into a break up and I tell you its easily been the hardest month of my life. I know you read this and your either - i can relate to that, or, harden up mate, but its really thrown me.We had been together for 4 years, really fell in love hard. She starting going out with me since she left school and didnt really keep her friends networks because many went interstate or she was lazy. I am a big believer in the importance of friends because you never know how long something will last. She was shy, a closed book and over the years we have grown up together and I have seen a big change in the person she is.. not bad, more confident, outgoing- all good qualities. Anyway, I went away planned for 4 months, she was booked to join me at the end and we would travel together- then move in once back. I had always been anti move in, just didnt think the time was right. Anyway, before I left i said do you want a break, she really didnt and said she loved me, I was the one and soforth. At the time I think she beleived it. I was gone for less than 3 months, in that time a family member passed, and my time os was nothing short of depressing, I was isolated and had a terrible time. Naturally when your isolated your emotions are magnified and I would ring her upset. As the weeks went on I could sense she was having a good time, going out heaps and enjoying time with friends. SHe started at a new job, she wa conusmed by the job and people.One day she pretty much flipped and said "im confused, your not having a good time os because your worried about me and i feel bad because im not missing you when im out- im closer to my friends then ever". This really isnt the girl I know. I came home straight away, wasnt worth staying and money was no issue- all i wanted to do was see her as she was all i thought about for three months. I came home, her reasonings are weird- she says she could easily get back into a relationship with me and be happy but its not what she wants. I asked some questions like- do you still think im your soul mate (which she would always stress)- she didnt reply. The last weeks have been too emotionally charged, everyone knows about what happened and were in shock.The other week she said she loves me like a best friend- i cant accept that after 4 years. I feel that she wants time to herself and confusing this with how she really feels about me. It ended with her saying "i just need time". I have cut ties with her, she has contacted me via sms and email, just quick things but its something. However, she is so stubborn and once she makes her mind about something its all or nothing- im scared for her that she may lose me and she will realise in 6 months to a year that she gave up soemthing really special.Advice to some, it gets better- i thought i was depressed but its just time that helps. i still love her no doubt despite the hurt she has caused me. The worsed is weekends, i know shes out, maybe even not thinking about me and having a good time. Its true though, you need to make the break up about you, not her. Ask what do you want for once. I know its hard because you have considered 2 people for so long.Can a girl say I could marry you and be happy but not end up with you- i guess so. I feel theres nothing i can do, its out of my hands and I hope she does work it out because we make a good team and are soul mates.Problem with going out with someone complex, they feel they need growth constantly inthere life, and push away the ones that love them. I was never clingy, but now she wants time to herself- I know the old addage, if she comes back its true love, but Im scared she may not. I head back os for 6 weeks in 2 weeks, good idea to have coffee with her before I go?- just got an awesome job which will surprise and impress.I have been upset and moppy around her, and its not an attractive quality, and not the person she fell in love with. So hopefully the plan of attack to act like im ok, and try my best to not call her will work. Cheers
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): I suspect I am somewhat older then most of you but that does not mean wiser. When some one tells you they need space hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Don't react in a knee jerk way but get your things in all senses of the word together and go away. If she really needs a break be where she can find you. If its an excuse to break up you've got both feet out the door already. If she wants to be with someone else you've saved a whole lot of face and you still have both feet out the door. I'm 49 and in the same situation with my second wife. I just need to follow my own advice. All that is much harder when there are children involved. But aside from that the dynamic is exactly the same. And whatever you do don't turn down a shot with a decent woman you have met because of some misplaced loyalty to your GF. If she had not run you off you would be there with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): My girlfriend hasn't said this to me yet, but I know it is coming.
We have been together for just over a year and we live together. We are both going to university so the workload is heavy and we only get to spend a couple hours a day of quality time together. Recently she has been upset about every little thing I do. Our roomate is very good at guitar and he has been showing me how to play. Whenever Im practicing she always becomes upset and asks me why I don't want to be with her.
I've tried to tell her numerous times that I love her so much, but sometimes Id like to be able to do my own thing even if it is only for half an hour per day. She says she doesn't understand because before we moved in together I would always focus my attention on her.
Basically, whenever we aren't doing schoolwork, my girlfriend expects me to focus my attention on her 100% of the time. She is beautiful and makes me laugh, but as I said before sometimes Id like to just chill out alone. She told me yesterday that we should consider living apart for the following school year. She wants me to be really excited to see her everytime I do and hug her and kiss her. Obviously it is not going to be like this when we're living together or else Id be all over her 24 hours a day.
I'm not sure what to do. I know some of you readers will think that we rushed into moving in together. I might have to agree with you. But I love living with her. I love waking up next to her every morning. I know that if we live apart we will probably drift. Maybe this is better for her? I just wish she would understand that sometimes I want to do my own thing.
Oh, she doesn't like when I hang out with my friends either, because she thinks that if I have free time it should be spent with her. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): i am in the same boat as every one here. i got fed up with my x gf wanting me to be her friend when she just broke my heart! so i told her to come back to me when she wants me as #1 again in her life. she called me a week ago and said we need to talk. she obvously doesn't get it that i want to see her and be with her but i can't because i have such strong feelings for her still and she doesn't for me. i'm afraid if i talk to her and hang out with her once and a while that it will seem to her that its ok to be friends and thats it. does anyone have anything to help me out on this on to reenforce that this is not true and she will come back to me if i talk to her and see her? it hurts me to see her and hang out with her because all i want to do is hug and kiss her but i can't because it will complicate things. please re-enforce to me that she will not think that this being friends thing is ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): my friend, I went through the same thing you're dealing with. And this is my version of the story.
A few weeks ago my gf asked me to give her some space. She said that she wanted to bring back the spark in our relationship back, absence makes heart grow fonder. I was reluctant at first but after a while I agreed to give her that space she said she needed. We had very little to none contact. After two weeks we meet together again and everything seems to be going back to normal. I accompanied her to lunch sometimes and she thanked me for doing that, asking me to accompany her again.
After one dinner, I told her that I'm coming to her house to use her computer because mine brokedown. She said no because she needs to use it all night long to prepare her work presentation and asked me to use my father's instead (I was staying with my family that time). I said ok.
Next morning I came to her house without telling her to give a surprise wake up call. I bought breakfast for the two of us along the way. But when I open the door...
She was sleeping with another man.
I was very furious, yelling at them and just walk away. I almost end that guy's life but I don't think it's worth it to throw away my life in jail by killing him because of a girl who doesn't want to love me entirely anymore.
So the message here is: please do not bet on high hopes that she will come back to you again. When a gf told you she needs space, it's most probably a RED FLAG.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): When someone asks for a break, or isn't sure after a year or more, then it isn't right. We need to have strength and be true to ourselves, we need to respective ourself enough to pick ourselves up and focus on us for a while instead of always trying to do the right thing for them. Be true to yourself and look after yourself, it's hard to walk away from things like this, but sometimes you just have to or you risk loosing respect for yourself. Other posters have said similar things, she liked the independant MAN you once were, not the man that chases her around and panders to her every need. Ask yourself if you would have put up with this sort of behaviour when you were dating at first, if yes then fine go with it, if not then walk away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Om my word, this is so common... What did we do that pushed them away like this? Was it too much loving or too little? I'm in the same boat. Never show ALL your feelings! If you SHOW your full hand, they will run you over and move on, they think you will run after them forever. Show them just enough, else they will leave you in any case, because you didn't show enough. Bad thing is when you have no mates, like I do. Moving and all.
Keep strong we need to be strong! What else can we do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Look yall, my name's billy. I'm here to give you a little more confidence in yourself. You dont feel the way you do right now after just a little commitment; none of you are idiots either, you dont feel that way about someone your feelings are real, and you feel their love in return.
When that girl fell in love with you, who were you? Yourself, not bending to her will, just trying to impress her a bit. There wasn't pressure, there wasn't fear of missing out on other opportunities. She's human, push somebody into any corner and they want out.
This may not apply to everyone, but think about living at home. When you're getting toward 18 and the world opens up to you all you want is OUT. It isnt that you dont love your parents, is it?
When you're in a relationship for a long time, you treat her differently, you're a weight on her, rather than a lift. STOP. Don't whine to her, dont tell her about your feelings of longing and passion. Just be her friend. Christ thats all being someones boyfriend really means anyway. You're such good friends that she lets you kiss her. If another guy is moving in, that just means that he's a better friend than you. In this situation, probably because you're being selfish and constantly saying things like "why wont you be with me?"
Don't force someone into your arms, open them up and let them crash into you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): ok same thing happening to me wit my girl...
we known eachother since high school but we just got together a lil over a year ago. were both 22 now and about to be done with college. we live a few hundred miles away from eachother and go to diff schools but had planned to move in together this winter break. we have been engaged since last thanksgiving and wearing eachotehrs rings and all.
last friday she called me to talk about how she wants to take a break or just break up completely. she says she need her space to become more independednt. i am just giving her HELLA space. we decided to stay together but she says she is unsure of the future which is painful for me to hear but i have faith in us and in our love for each other.
but yes i am giving her hella space trying not to talk to her more than once a day or so and making it short. i have been kinda hinting at how much i love her when we talk adn i could tell it was bugging her so i stopped. now im just acting kinda distant and i think its helping make her want me more.
just a tip but ppl want what they cant have u kno.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): hey guys im in the same boat as all of you but it seems as i have a small twist to mine. me and my girlfriend have been together for about 2 and a half years. when i met her she had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with this other guy. we had some trusting issues and she finally broke it off because she found out i lied about going to a party at wesaga beach but the truth was i didnt know i was going i kinda ended up there so she feels she cant really trust me. . . thats half the story. she told me that she hasnt had anytime in her life to be single and that she wants her space to just be her and be independant but then this guy started moving in on her and he got her a job in his company and there seeing alot of eachother. she advised me that she doesnt like him like that but i cant help but feel she has lied to me and has gone ahead and moved on with him (mind you im somwhat paranoid) we went out today and we were holding hands and kissing and acting like the regular couple we were and then she advised me that we were not together, what should i do about this she has already told me that she always misses me when im not there but she feels like she needs to get away from me when i call ? im confuesed
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): so wouldn't that mean once the girl feels over your love and affection again she'll want another break? what are you supposed to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): Yeah, I botched this one also. Something was obviously wrong one night when we started talking, so I suggested that we go on break. She said she thought that would be a good idea and laid down some terms for the break. She sent a lot of mixed signals so we went running the following morning, so I could figure out what was actually going on.
I stayed away for a week before asking her to dinner in my cafeteria. I couldn't take being subjugated to her like that: I needed an answer. I got it two days later, and it was: we're over, but she insisted that we stay friends. I tried to give her space while staying convivial, but I think in the end she found it oppressive and moved on to the "I need some space" line.
What I should have done, despite the mixed signals, is used all possible conviction to stay away during the initial "break." I imagine she would have come back of her own accord within weeks. Now we're not even on speaking terms. Given that she on multiple occasions termed me "the perfect guy," I imagine the above posts are all relevant. As soon as the reward gets too easy, the desire for a relationship disappears. As soon as you hear the word "break" or "space" stay away for 2-4 weeks. Then perhaps test the waters with one passive comment. This may seem superficial, but end or continue based on that final result.
I'm macking on other girls, some of whom I genuinely like, but I still can't shed the thought of her. Thoughts of her literally haunt my every waking moment.
It's a shame this stuff gets so difficult. Hang in there, guys. Go distract yourself as much as you can with whatever and whomever you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): I am so glad I stumbled upon this page and found out that what is happening to me is actually quite common in young relationships, and some of the answers here have really helped me so thankyou. After a few years on and off (the last year solid) everything has been going great with my girlfriend until recently when she told me she needs time to "step back and think, be independent etc" I realised things moved too quickly and we settled into too much of a routine where we both felt trapped. At first I went crazy thinking this was the end but she told me she still loves me, that she wants to marry me but she doesn't want the pressure of thinking about it yet. This is fair enough but I have found it so hard as I have been away for nearly 6 months so have felt very alone, and think how can she do this to me when I'm away like this. I really love this girl and have always thought we would be together forever. I got all sorts of images in my head when she started going out a lot more with her friends and I felt very jealous, which fueled more arguments. She is going away to uni this year and I fear she doesn't want the commitment or hassle of me calling all the time and checking up on her. I am home soon and am now willing to give her the space she needs to think, I know this is hard guys but unfortunately we don't really have any other option. Try to get on with areas of your own life you didn't explore when you were close, and hopefully you will find that she comes to her senses and realises you are the man of her dreams. If not then at least you know it wasn't meant to be (a lot easier to write than to admit I know!) The problem we have guys is the difference in how we think to women. We think - I love this girl, I want to be with her full stop. She thinks, I love this guy and I think he's right for me, but maybe I need to go and live before I realise this. No doubt if she really loves you and breaks it off she will regret letting you go. After all the fact you are on this site says you are a sensitive, good man, who is willing to work through problems because you love your girlfriend, and she knows this deep down. Women have a habit of taking away your identity as a man gradually (whinging about you watching football, going out with mates etc) but then once you lose your identity they don't want it! They want yep you guessed it, an independent confident man (like you were in the first place!) So some may say they're never happy, there are exceptions to this rule though. Just remember that nobody can take away your identity. You and I will feel absolutely heartbroken if our relationships end, and think that we can't go on. But we are men, and we will get over it, and stronger. Then we will take hold of our lives again and eventually find the woman we want, probably without looking. Be content with what you have, enjoy life for what it is, and I garuantee the women will want you and you won't have to do the chasing (because you're less likely to find a lifelong partner if you have to try really hard to get a girl). Do not let anyone take away your identity as a man. If you lose the woman you love, it's going to hurt but you will heal I promise, and one day find your wonderwoman. Chin up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): i think its easy for everyone to sit here saying all of this but im going through it and my girlfriend not talking to me is tearing me apart especially as i have problems of my own which she was always around to help with...i need her please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hey buddy, im in exactly the same boat as you at the moment and yes it hurts! My girlfriend said she wanted 2 weeks of no contact at all so she can have time to think. Im only day 3 into this 2 week break and its killing me! Everyones advice above has been really helpful and it seems thats all we can do, give them the space they ask for and hope for the best!
Keep your chin up and dont let her know your feeling down. If its meant to be then she'll come back, if she doesn't then i guess we will have to move on (easier said than done i know) but we dont have a choice.
Try to keep yourself busy, have some fun with your mates. You never know this break could do you some good!
Hang in there mate & good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hey buddy, im in exactly the same boat as you at the moment and yes it hurts! My girlfriend said she wanted 2 weeks of no contact at all so she can have time to think. Im only day 3 into this 2 week break and its killing me! Everyones advice above has been really helpful and it seems thats all we can do, give them the space they ask for and hope for the best!
Keep your chin up and dont let her know your feeling down. If its meant to be then she'll come back, if she doesn't then i guess we will have to move on (easier said than done i know) but we dont have a choice.
Try to keep yourself busy, have some fun with your mates. You never know this break could do you some good!
Hang in there mate & good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): I had the same thing.. She said she needed time to herself. So, at first I was upset, she knew it, I we would go over and over the same stuff on the phone. I really think she was getting something out of it. So, Anyway I decided to make the best of it. Get on with life and go on. So now every time she calls Im very cheerful, good mood and I sound like Im happier than I ever been. Well, Now she acts a little confused, Like what the hell. Anyway.. This is the the first week into not seeing her, So I will keep you informed on how this reverse psychology is going. Has anyone tried this trick on here yet? I really think women get wet just out of making us mens lives hell. No wonder my grandfather never remarried after grandma died. He always had a bed buddy to keep him comfortable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I'm just going through this right now. I took some of your guys advice and she called today to ask me to meet with her for dinner. We have had zero contact and I held my ground not asking mutual friends where or how she has been. This dinner tonight will most likely break it or make it. But the important thing I wanted to share with you all is that after one week completely off from each other I have realized how important she is to me but at the same time I also realized that I can be just as happy on my own. So for all of you guys out there struggling, in the end it's their decision wether or not you will remain together, but more importantly it is your decision wether you will remain happy. Happiness is something that not even love can take from you. I'll post next week with the results of my meal with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): My girlfriend and I broke up after 2 years of living together. We are both young and successful in both our careers. She said that she doesn't feel the same tingles as she used to when we first started out, and that I am putting in all the effort and she doesn't. She said that that is not a relationship and she wants to be single again and does not want to be in a relationship at the moment. She said she has nobody to compare me with and wants to grow up and experience life. She said that she Does love me deep down and knows that I am the one for her. She said that she has met the right person at the wrong time in her life! And doesn't want to loose me! I have decided to give her all the space she needs. We are not together any more and I have joined the gym and Stopped heavy partying. I's my time to give her what she wants not piss her off and give her time to miss me. Its time to focus and invest in myself. Look good again get fit be confident - healthy body healthy mind positive vibes it will help all our situations. I know it hurts and i feel huge emotions all the time and can't stop thingking about her --- Is she gonna call etc --- I gave my whole life for her -- all the love in the world and more -- Some times too much is a bad thing too it becomes to easy for her and she starts taking advantage and control. She needs to see and hear how well you look and how good you doing at a your work and what great ideas you have for the future etc. Its not to make her jelouse -- Its for her to realise that you are a MAN and are not dependant on her to be happy -- A women also needs that strength in a man a person to look up to and a person to learn from!! "let pacience do thy perfect work, and let me be entire wanting nothing" There is life out there boys -- we are romantic lovers that have a lot to offer and believe me we are because you are reading this right know. Real men want to grow as people but lets all do the following -- Invest in yourself -- If she calls be nice be strong answer her by listening to her words dont be soppy br her friend but dont say lets be friends unless she asks then say OK but let her call you as a friend!!! Don't run after her - Go to gym, go run, work a little harder be productive -- its hard but remember women always want what they think they cannot get -- especially a man --- cos they believe they can get any man they desire --- BE THE MAN AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE -- and when you see her be confident smile let her know that you care but try and pretend that its a first date and act the way you did which was the reason she fell in love with you in the first place - It will not change the situation that night but im sure if you make her laugh about the awkwardness and get her to relax and feel at home and safe in your presence, she should start thinking about her decision -- cos people make mistakes and she needs to think about that with no pressure from you at all. Lets go to work gentlemen let rise up to this occasion as a well oiled challenge and who knows it may even turn out for an unexpectd amazing experience!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): Hey Man.
I am in the same boat as you. I am with my girlfriend for 5 years in april. Just this mondayshe said that she was unhappy and wanted to take a break for a while. Whilst i do not agree with the "break" I told her that we will meet up on Sunday Nite and just talk. She is the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I am only 21 and she is 20. I think the problem started becoz we were spending too much time together. "Everybody Needs Space" so I say just agree with here and settle for that break. I am spending the last few days wondering will she call or text but i just have to wait and see where our relationship stands!!!!!!
Hold in there man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): I've been with my girlfriend for over four years. She recently broke up with me and said that she needed time for herself to see how she felt about things in the future. I couldn't let her go because i didn't want to believe that it was the end. Sure enough we talked over the course of a week and had some really great conversations. She said that she still loved me and didn't want to lose me from her life. She says that she just needs some time to be able to go out with her friends, not just jump back into the old routine. It's been difficult for me to not see her as much as always, but she says that she needs time and space. She also says she's not going to meet other guys, she just wants to go out with the girls. I guess i just want things the way they were.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): Update to my original post. My gf who needed to take the break. She got married last weekend. Guess it wasn't meant to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): this has jsut happened to me but she didnt say if she wanted a break from me or from life her friends saying its not from me jsut needs time to think (watever that means)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): hey bro im in the same situation as you my gf says the same thing and its just really hard to deal with it because you love her more than the world but the best thing to do is just take it easy and respect her feeling because if she says she wants to be with you and loves you and doesnt want you guys to see other people than just give it time she is just being stupid and she'll realize it soon trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): My gf told me last night she wants a break to have some time to herself and to evaluate everything, she says she still loves me, but needs some time where she doesnt have to worry about anyone else. Its unbelievably hard and while part of me feels everything will be OK, another part of me feels like this is the end.
After reading some of your comments, I've found a renewed belief that things will be OK, and that if they're not they aren't meant to be, but whatever happens, nothing is stopping the hurting right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): Thank you for this article.
I am going through the same thing right now. My girlfriend and my stress has mounted to very high levels in the past couple months and it's to the point that we can not effectively deal with each other's stress, so we are taking a break, initiated by her. I've not spoken with her since Saturday, August 5, 2006.
Some background...
My girlfriend has the following conditions:
* Hereditary bone disorder (HME) that requires several surgeries a year.
* Obsessive Complusive Disorder (OCD)
* Major Depression
* Long Term Disabled due to HME
She also takes care of many pets from six different species, which wears on her especially with cleaning litter boxes and cages.
Recently, two of her favorite pets were put down due to disease and aging.
She also had two major surgeries this summer. Both requiring in-patient care over night. I took care of her for her first surgery, but this second one, which took place a week and half ago, her parents helped her out.
Anyway, for me, I've had to deal with my own set of increasing stress...
* Work - management changes and more strict policies
* Work - Annual review coming up this week
* Two grandparents passing within two months
* Financial challenges (planning to support gf and me with only one income)
* Lack of Support from friends who I've grown apart from
* Recovering from ACL Reconstructive Surgery (took place in Feb 2006)
This has thrown me into a depressed and irritable tizzy.
Anyway, last week, my GF and I got into a heated argument that ended with me hanging up on her. This argument further depressed my state of mind and body. She emailed me a couple times after the fight, one time asking me what I wanted to do about the two kittens that we share and I am currently taking care of and second one expressing concern over my Physical Therapy session. We finally talked in Thursday, August 3, 2006, and apologized for some of our behaviour (although she was reluctant to express it).
Then on Friday, August 04, 2006, I received a late night email from her...her favorite cat was put down. She told me that she was going "away for awhile." I did call her after reading the email to at least show my support and concern.
On Saturday, August 05, 2006, she "mistakingly" called me intending on calling her sister. We talked for a bit...I told her that I would continue giving her space to work things out, and we ended the conversation telling each other we love each other. She also told me to email her after my appointment with my surgeon today (six month), and she wanted to hear how my work review goes.
I've talked about this with both my guy and girl friends and they all say that we (me and my GF) both have tons on our plate and that a "break" may help to gain perspective. A few of my friends say to end things now and get back to my "normal" self. But I love my GF and I see us being together forever...although right now, it's hard to keep my mind focused on that thought.
I have entered psychotherapy two weeks ago, and intend on sticking with it until I can identify better methods of coping with my stress...I sure hope that my GF does the same or something to get over this rough spot...I can't do it for her...it's her problems, and she needs to find ways to deal with them...I can provide suggestions and support her, but I got my own shit to work out right now.
Thanks again for the article and opportunity to bitch!
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reader, seanonel +, writes (3 August 2006):
I have had a similar experience just happen to me. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years. For around 3 of those years I kept on saying that we needed to take a break (even a short one) from each other and then I could consider a more serious commitment. She always had an excuse not to, and out of respect for her (she's a good person) I continued with the status quo. I have had some financial difficulties leaving me dependant on her. I work and make as much money as she does but I don't have my own account.
She recently went on a work trip for two weeks and when she returned I discovered that she had been in bed with another work colleague who himself is in a relationship. It seems as if this *expletive deleted* has found her vulnerability an easy way 'in'. He still hasn't told his partner. My now 'ex' says she now suddenly needs space and time to think?! I'm finding it difficult to afford this luxury to her considering her responses to my same request over the last four years but am willing to try. I think I know that we're going to break up.
I can see a lot of pain ahead for her because this guy is just a fly by night and - even if they were right for each other - he shouldn't have pulled her after just two weeks of knowing her. He's dangerous, she's vulnerable and I don't know if I could ever trust her again after all her lying to me about the incident. She's still seeing him and sending messages to him... I am willing to give it my best go though. I'm just so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Hello. I was just given this same message a week ago. Completely out of the blue. We have been together for almost a year and everything up to this point has been wonderful. We mesh well, we have fun, we are great together intimately.
She tells me that she couldnt ask for anything else in this relationship and that she loves me very much but she is having a hard time with committment and is confused right now. I just bought her a promise ring a month or so back after she kept droppping hints that she wanted on.
She works 6 days a week as a server and I just opened up a new business. We still find time to go out a few times a week, but she says she needs some time for herself.
Here is the dilemna, we live together and I dont know how to go about taking this break. Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006): This exact situation is happening to me right now and I am going crazy. We have been together mroe than 3 years, and over a year ago moved in together in a new town. She saisd she needs "space" and needs to see that I can be independant of her. We will continue to see each other, and are seeing a rel;ationship counselor. However, it is hard for me to put on a smile and be "OK" with this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2006): This editorial are really helpful to read after all my gf too after a vaction to someplace warm wanted space so the first day we played phone tag then a couple times of small talk then today nothing. I guess im just going to ride it out and see what happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): I suspect she is being truthful.
Sometimes a break is all someone needs to realise they really want to be with that person.
It's brilliant that you have made it clear that neither of you will see other people. This is another good indication that she is being truthful with you.
I think though, you need to be a bit more firm with her. If she wants a break from you, you should no longer be giving her emotional support from her daily phone calls.
Yes - I know you love speaking to her, but, you are not having a break if she is still in contact with you.
Maybe you could try this. Tell her that you respect her decision to have a break, tell her that you love her, and want to be with her, but that, it is unfair that she is calling you every day. Decide to go a set amount of time without having any contact. It doesn't have to be long, perhaps just one week?
My gut feeling is, 1 week without contacting you will be more than enough time for her to realise she wants you and that she misses you. You too can also use this time to reflect on how life would be like without her.
Go on, be strong :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): I wouldn't doubt that she is telling the truth. Seems to me, if she really wanted to break up with you she would have done it. It's not much harder for her to say, "we should break up," than it is to say, "I want to move out, but still be with you in some way." If she had gotten the guts to tell you that she would have likely just gone the extra mile if she did want to break up with you. I agree with some of the other posters: "Hang in there." Do exactly what she wants...give her space. Do your best cowboy impression, act like you've got stubborn pride and that you are doing ok throughout the process. Don't act like you don't want her, just like you can live without her. If you need help with that, just listen to some country music...it was created for situations like this. I hope things work for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2006): This has also happened to me recently and I'm looking for answers of my own. I think we all deep down really know the answer to this already, but it's just hard to accept. If you love something, let it go, if it loves you enough, it will be back. I know that's cliche, but I've been struggling with this for over a month now and it's the only thing that makes sense. I love her more than anything and truly do want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. In the end, if she wants to be with me, it has to be her decision, I can't force it on her. I hope things work out for you, I know how heart wrenching it can be. We just have to put on a strong front and give them the space they are asking for and hope things work out in the end. If they don't, it wouldn't have worked out to begin with. True love will find a way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): my g/f is doing this to me right now, i feel like its total BS, we have been tg for 2 years, she said she felt un appreacited for the things she did, and our relationship "wasnt right" she said she is going to get her own place, but us still see each other (wtf!???) im just as lost as you, she seems distant and cold, i dont know what to do , if i am wasting my time, or if i should keep trying
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): Hang in there mate - women can be incredably complex when it comes to thier emotions. But if she's anything like my ex (current? - yeah I know it's bloody confusing) you ARE still loved - when a girl doen't love you they just break off - period. What she wants to see is maturity - she doesn't want you to fall to pieces. She's looking for patience and above all understanding - just show her you still care but DON'T RUSH IT! Be strong - she'll be attracted to that - don't crawl or seem in any way pathetic or needy. You just have to be patient - if you love her I think she'll be back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): I think its the truth... my boyfriend did the same thing to me and he constantly says he is not giving up. But that we needed to make our relationship stronger.. Basically by not seeing each other you will miss one another more!! making the time you do spend together so much more worth it!
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