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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating this wonderful man for just over 5 years. After the loss of a family member and a pet everything seems to have gone downhill.He his always been somewhat pessimistic but since these losses he has become bored with life and miserable. Nothing excites him and he doesn't know what is wrong or what to do.He loves me but doesn't want to be in a relationship because he is forever changing his mind- one day he loves me the next day he thinks there is something better out there for both of us and he gets frustrated and starts feeling guilty for wasting my time.I don't know what to do.I wish it would work out but I think this may have to do with more than just me.How do I help him and how do I help the possibility of an "us"? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): Sounds to me like he's having problems that don't have anything to do with you. Maybe he'll work them out on his own. The thing is this: do you love him enough to stick around and see? HIs rough patch is affecting you, that's for sure. But it's all up to you whether you want to contiue with the relationship and wait it out. As far as helping him: if he's like most men, he won't accept help easily. It's a touchy subject, but I think you're right that he needs help. Talk to people that know him (discreetly) and see if they have any ideas how to help. It's hard watching someone you love suffer, especially when it directly causes you to suffer as well. To top it off? You don't know how to fix it. You may just have to wait it out, or get out now. It's personal decision. If you love him, though, think about the fact that you would be leaving him during a time when he is hurting and vulnerable. Even if you decide there's not a relationship there, it seems he would still need a friend.
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