A
female
age
51-59,
*eresab
writes:I moved in with my partner last year and since living together, he has changed from someone who was romantic affectionate to someone who sleeps and has a low sex drive. My past relationships were awful, i was married for 13 years to a man who always had affairs, we had 4 children together, when that ended, i went on a bender and had a few awful relationships some violent. I met my partner when my last relationship ended, he was a good listener and became a friend. He is a good guy with the children, very caring, he also is a excellent provider, which i was not expecting, he is quite wealthy and has given me and the children a wonderful home, i must add, i gave up my home to live with him.But as soon as we moved in together, his sexual drive stopped, his experience sexually not that good, he said he never thought it was important for a woman to orgasm and being he is 44 years old, i found that hard to believe, his last marriage ended by his wife leaving him for another man. When we talk about it he tires for one night then goes back to his self again. I know he gets tired as he runs a business, but every night watching tv and sleeping has made me frustrated. I do not feel like a woman anymore, i want so much for us to have some time alone, but even the small amount of time we have shared, its still frustrating, he has never made love to get to that wonderful close feeling, so trying to relax him into this is impossible, he really does not want to participate. He says he loves me, he shows it by treating me like one of the kids, but as a lover, its rare. I am so lonely and unhappy plus i am homeless without his home, i feel trapped and just do not know where to turn. I often believe that maybe this life is better than being with someone that will cheat on me or hurt me violently, but the hurt is there emotionally. I feel i am begging for affection. I am losing my confidence and so much want to feel loved as a woman should. Please help me. I also have to think of my children here, they have a home and they are treated kindly by him.
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affair, confidence, his ex, moved in, orgasm, sex drive, trapped, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hi, Thanks for writing back, very good luck to you, remember, it could be worse. Fight for your right to be happy. Talk to him and see if he will be receptive, to change, explain to him how you feel and ask him to please try to understan, ask him what is it that you can do, or you can do together, to change things, good luck to you
both. Take care.
A
female
reader, Teresab +, writes (3 August 2008):
Teresab is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your help, it was nice reading different opinions. I must add that the dressing up was never an issue, it was him taking me naturally that i craved. He often asked me to dress up and bend over the bed, this obviously was on the occasion a turn on, but variety is always nice especially being touched and loved. His marriage was cold, his x wife was never into sex and she was his only lover. I do love him, more than anything, but maybe i just need that extra affection to go with it. I am lucky regarding my home and his personality is so gentle, that, i can honestly say is wonderful, i am not money orientated and believe people should work for what they get in life. All i want is for him to work with me. I have taken your words of advice on board and will certainly try them. Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (3 August 2008):
 well compared to your past relationships hes friggin prince charming! however just in general hes probably the most boring partner ive heard about. if hes not bein what you need then id say leave him, but if you cant do that i suggest you take your little self down to to the sexy store and get yourself a vibrator and some toys.[you can order em online too]. my main conern is when you mentioned that he doesnt think women should orgasm.... what the hell does he think we are??!! theres a reason god gave women the clitoris... to enjoy making love. if he cant make use of it or figure out what its for then he must be oblivious to modern times and sexually progressive thinking. [wheres he been? under a rock?]
oh and another thing, HE SHOULD NOT BE TREATING YOU LIKE ONE OF THE KIDS!. your his woman, his mate, his lover, his confidante, not his child.
if you feel like your losing confidence dress up and go out to the club, or a bar... you dont have to be looking for a man or any action but the looks and the propositions do wonders for the ego. rest assured your femininity will be valued even if its not made use of.
best of luck
-Myesha
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (3 August 2008):
Hi, I can understand your needing affection, and sex sometime, depending on your libido. But this is a tricky situation, you told us about your past, this man that you are with now sounds like a dream, compared to the others who you were with. So I don't know that I would entere into an affair, bcause if he finds out, I am sure he would be hurt and just might want to separate. That's where the trickly part comes in and there would be a break down in trust, you would be going around, if you had an affair, wondering if your partner would find out. What about the person you might have the affair with, suppose he falls in love with you or you with him, you don't know thaat if you left this man you are with, if the other one would be as good to you and your children as this one has. Not many men are wealthy, or you don't meet many wealthy men in general. So there are many advantages here. Your children, I think are happy in the situation. So there are many factors here to consider. Suppose you try to seduce your partner every now and then, sexy nightgowns, a little wine, and candles at a hotel. Maybe a sexy movie to get him in the mood, go try to find a book on enticing your man back to the bed. If he is so tired, buy him some geritol, and make him a special tonic, so he doesn't even know he is taking it, not too much as there is iron in it and you should not take too much iron. But it will eliminate some of that tiredness, or get him some multiple vitamins. Try to change your bedroom tactics, and rub his head and neck every now and then, give him a backrub, smother him with attention on the weekends, make him look forward to surprise on the weekend, when he should not be so very tired. You can do this, and eventually he should start to return the attention. He has gotten into a habit, which is good and bad, at least he is not cheating on you, which is a great thing to me. Men like variety, so he is at home with you, be thankful for that, as you mentioned. This
can be worked out, don't give up on him, the other thing is, not many men would be happy with four children, he is a saint, as far as I can tell, and a sharing man. Think about
it, he wants you, you lucky woman, it's all in the perspective. Try being very, no overtly affectionate and
see if he comes around. You have a good thing, don't mess it up, you know what kind of garbage is out there. As they say, mend it, don't end it. :o). Stay in touch and get on with stimualting him out of this mind, when he is not tired. Take care. p.s. There are many women out there, who would be happy to take him off your hands, think about
that as well. Try to work this out, you have a good person there with you.
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