A
male
age
41-50,
*kreen23
writes:Here goes, i'm currently almost week five into a "break" with my gf. Shes currently going through a stressful time as her parents are on the verge of seperating. Anyway she was acting a little bit off for a while and anytime i asked what was wrong she would say nothing. When i finally pressed the issue she said she needed space and felt suffocated. I almost immediately moved out and went into nc/lc. Last week i kind of cracked and rang twice in the week. Both times we talked i was friendly and cracked jokes but let her do most of the talking. She let me know the break was 50% to do with her parents and 50% her self confidence. Said she felt she had to stand on her own 2 feet. The second time we spoke i asked if we were broke-up or on a break. She said it would be better if we were broke-up. I said ok and said i respected her wishes and wished her the best. Then she rang back 5mins later saying the thought of us breaking-up caused her to panic so i said fine we're back on break then. Does anybody see any hope here or am i bolloxed????
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a break, broke up, confidence, moved out Reply to this Question
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male
reader, skreen23 +, writes (3 June 2009):
skreen23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, just so you know, we broke up. Rang her up after i heard a friend of hers had died. We were chatting away and she mentioned she would like to meet up. Her tone of voice was a bit off so i guessed it wasn't good news. So i said i'd rather know now. So she said she wants to break up. We're going to meet up next week to say goodbye properly. Going to miss her and her family lots, 6 years is a loooong time. Life ain't easy.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 May 2009):
Well as long as she is getting help then she should be ok.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, skreen23 +, writes (21 May 2009):
skreen23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think i will wait a little longer before i contact her just to give her space to do her own thing. She may have thought she was relying too much on me for stuff. I think you're right about the depression thing though and during our chat on the phone i said she could talk to me if anything was bothering her. Her sister also told me shes checking out plastic surgery clinics and buying loads of stuff. Its mad that a beautiful, smart, sexy young woman can have self-esteem issues. In a way i feel i failed her. In fairness to her she's seeing a councellor at the mo.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 May 2009):
You can give her space and still be in a relationship with her though.
It's not like you have to see her all the time and be in touch ever second OR not speak at all. Surely you can find somewhere between the 2 options?
Keep telling her you love her and ask if she wants to get out and have a night of fun with you.
Space can mean not seeing her quite as much but still some times and sending the odd text but not having to speak every single day.
Text her and tell her you are thinking of her and that you love her. Just tell her that you are still there and waiting and will do whatever it takes to make her happy.
It sounds like she is depressed so remember that she is not quite herself at the moment. Take her out and let her have a great day on the beach or in the park or where ever. Let her relax and stop thinking about her problems without any pressure that "this means we're back together."
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, skreen23 +, writes (19 May 2009):
skreen23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah the storming off wasn't my greatest moment but to be honest she had asked for space the year before but i talked her around. It may have to do with her parents but her lack of self esteem is also an issue i believe. She also told me she began to believe there was something wrong with me for loving her. I saw her on saturday (she works in supermarket) when i popped in for a bottle of wine and a lottery ticket. Chatted for a second and i told her she looked good and to have a great night. I'd like to be there for her now, over our two chats on the phone she discussed her parents situation and i listened. I think though if i chase her too much i'll chase her away. Really love the girl and hope it all works out for her (and me).
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 May 2009):
Well I think when she asked for space, rather than storming off and cutting contact you could have been a little more supportive.
This was CLEARLY about her parent's splitting up and you did not help the situation at all.
Be there for her. Let her talk about it, take her out to a quiet pub and have a laugh. Don't just clear off because she's having issues.
This is not about another guy, this is not about her not having feelings for you. She needs you without you going on about the relationship.
Be there if you love her.
Good Luck!! xx
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