A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright. I messed up and need help to fix it.The other night I messed up. My fiancé and I got home from a night out with my friends. Had a good time, we were both a little buzzed still. We hadn't had sex in two days. All day I was kissing her, flirting with her, she seemed receptive to making love. But she said, let's wait until tonight so it will be more special and we can take our time then go to bed.So we get home and I dim the lights, and set the mood. And so we start with foreplay. But I can tell she isn't into it. She's not making the normal sounds she makes, isn't making much effort, I could just tell. So I say, "what's wrong? You aren't feeling it?" she doesn't say anything and just gives me a look like not really I just don't wanna say it.So I stop and we both just lay there naked for a bit. I don't want to force her. I have been the one initiating it the whole day and she's been playing hard to get so I just wanted her to make a little effort too. So she gets mad and says, "well you talking during foreplay and just stopping isn't going to make me feel it more or want to more!" to which I respond, "I shouldn't have to MAKE you want it. You should! I'm your fiancé! It's like this now and we aren't even married yet! Imagine when we are married 20 years!"we didn't talk for the whole night. We fought and I told her all I wanted to do was make love to my fiancé on a Friday night. She started apologizing and tried to hug me but I was so mad I told her I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to sleep.Later that night I tried talking to her but she just gave me the silent treatment. I told her we weren't ready to get married because we couldn't communicate. She got pissed and said I could be an ass*beep* sometimes. she never cussed at me. I called her a bit*beep*.She took off her engagement ring, put it next to me and said she didn't want to marry someone who made her feel so guilty for not being in the mood for sex one night. She packed her bags and headed out.I chased after her and we talked. Calmed down. Said sorry to each other and fell asleep. My problem is she is still sad. She said she thinks I am going to leave her eventually because of it. I found out her only two ex boyfriends left her because she didn't want to do it when they did.One cheated on her, the other broke up with her and dated someone else 1 week later.She says she keeps replaying what I said about what it would be like 20 years down the road and she can't stop. I would never leave her. We have a healthy sex life. I was just being spoiled that one night. I have apologized and told her I was an idiot but she still sad. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Have you had a night out Just the two of you since all this went on Before the down would sprial happend. you need to keep on the same track as you was before this all happend a night out just reasure her that you love her.Why worrie about 20 years down the line its now that matters building a strong foundation for a sUtrong marrage if you carnt get it right now you woint get it right in the future. and most inportant is talking to each other in a postive maner.All fights seam to have a bad out come try to make them sound positve like im glad we had that argument its cleared the air type thing and just be happy together and a single rose every now and then woint harm or a secreat picnick somethink romantic unexpected all the best
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