A
male
age
51-59,
*teve1307
writes:Hi its bit of a long story but will try to keep it shortI've been married 17yrs with one daughter 7 and her sister who we lost in a car crash 6yr ago when she was only 6.For about the first 2yrs our relationship was really bad,she blamed me for what happened even though crash was not my fault.I discovered that about 2004 my wife had contacted her ex boyfriend from before she met me by using a private detective.When I found out she begged me to forgive her I did and we carried on with our lives.This summer I discovered that she was back in contact with him and planned to meet,which only was stopped because his new wife of 6 weeks discovered.About two weeks later I discoveerd again that she had been chatting to my old school friend and they had a night out together planned (she did all the chasing).Now 2 weeks ago I discovered again that she was having an online affair with her ex boyfriends brother! and now they plan to meetThis has now had such a bad affect on my health and she knows it,its come that I almost lost my job because of it and have thought of taking my own life,but my little daughter needs me so I cant.When ever I find out about these affairs she always begs me to forgive her,how much she loves me its my fault for not giving her attention etc.Ive told her that I cant take it anymore,but still she lies and carrys on with it.They now plan to meet in january I think its time I just finnished with her completely,she cant love me can she? I would leave,but our daughter needs me I do everything for her while her mother comes in from work and just sits at the computer all night.Any advice I would be most gratefull.thankssteve
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affair, her ex, she lies Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): If I'd got enough of a payout to buy a house and a car I know what I'd be doing with it - and it wouldn't be going in her direction!
Get yourself a separate bank account and put it there for the time being. House prices are coming down all the time and with all these repossessions there are some absolute bargains to be had. I bought a repossessed house a few years back for £29,000 and I made £70,000 virtually overnight. That same house was recently sold again for close on £400,000. Become a property speculator and make your money work for you! The main thing is to spend it before she or her lawyers get their claws into it.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, steve1307 +, writes (24 November 2008):
steve1307 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to all who have took the time read and advise me,it really means alot as I have no one I can talk too about this call it male pride but its not something you talk about with people at work(I no longer have close friends I've become a bit of a loner)
Current update is the 3 of us had a weekend away after yet again she promised to end this etc etc,but she took her phone and has been sneaking around with it yet again :(
I forgot to mention Ive just had a finialiased compensation claim,which is a pretty large sum,while money doesnt and never has been an important part of my life,my wife already has it spent in her head ,houses,cars etc,for all she loves money she still cant quite bring her sneaky ways to an end.
I think I know what I need to do...
thanks all
steve
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A
male
reader, steve1307 +, writes (24 November 2008):
steve1307 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to all who have took the time read and advise me,it really means alot as I have no one I can talk too about this call it male pride but its not something you talk about with people at work(I no longer have close friends I've become a bit of a loner)Current update is the 3 of us had a weekend away after yet again she promised to end this etc etc,but she took her phone and has been sneaking around with it yet again :(I forgot to mention Ive just had a finialiased compensation claim,which is a pretty large sum,while money doesnt and never has been an important part of my life,my wife already has it spent in her head ,houses,cars etc,for all she loves money she still cant quite bring her sneaky ways to an end.I think I know what I need to do...thanks allsteve
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): Destroy the computer. Easy. Cut off her source.But in reality, get the woman some professional help because what she is doing is clearly stemming from her own despair.Failing that that, boot her out as the previous poster suggested. She'll change right and quick when she loses another daughter and has no one but herself to blame.What is doing is not good for you, or your remaining daughter. And if she can't stop blaming you for a death you couldn't prevent, a blameless death, an accident, then she needs to have it all gone before she realises what she had.It's a curious thing, people fare better with death when there is someone to blame. Someone to aim and focus our hurt and anger at. But when a death has no fault, is an accident, then one can;t blame anyone and one simply has to feel every inch of that pain and hurt as it is allowed to simmer when else it might be fired at another person.Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): I don't think I can give you any advice as such, I can only tell you what I would feel like doing.
She's obviously testing your patience to its limit with her dalliances, and if I was in your shoes I don't think I would have put up with her behaviour as long as you've done. I suppose a certain amount of allowance can be made for her grieving process, but if this is her way of grieving she has a funny way of doing it.
She's spending all her spare time on the computer because she knows you'll do all the work, so stop doing it. If you're worried about your daughter not eating, for example, take her off to McDonalds once in a while.
At the point you're now at, I'd tell her to go and meet whoever she wants to meet, but don't expect to come back. I'd change all the locks once she'd gone and put her stuff out the front door in bin bags.
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