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female
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*etawaybabe
writes: I am married with three kids. I have been married for 15yrs now. I'm 32, yes just 32. I got my parents to give me permission to marry. We have had a hard life with finding ends meet but we have and still are putting up with it. The thing is 2 1/2 years ago my husband had an affair. I found out and it stopped. But I have never got over it. Since then I have had a lot of bereavement too. All this has taken its toll and I am at braking point. I have told my husband I don't love him romantically any more. I only care for him and I am fed up with daily routine and the kids. Because of this I have been looking elsewhere for comfort but to no avail yet. Please help me get my mind back in control.
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female
reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (5 October 2005):
It sounds like you've had a very tough time of it over the last few years. With your husband's infidelity and your subsequent sad losses, I'm not suprised you are starting to feel so thoroughly miserable and lost. Have you spoken to anybody about your feelings? Maybe you should visit your doctor or a counsellor?
I think firstly you need to allow time to grieve properly for your losses. Don't be afraid to ask for help whilst you are going through this difficult process. Is there somebody who could help you look after your children from time to time, in order to give you some much needed 'me' time? It sounds like you are constantly struggling against problems and this would drive down even the strongest woman. Don't be ashamed to ask for help - your personal wellbeing depends on it. After you have dealt with this you need to address your feeling surrounding your husbands affair - something I suspect you haven't allowed yourself to do. This is important as betrayal cuts deep. A good website I can recommend as a starting point to deal with this is www.ivillage.co.uk. They have message boards and all sorts of links to websites advising on recovering from the pain of infidelity. Hopefully this will give you the strength to confront your husband with your real fears and feelings.
I wish you lots of luck.
x
A
reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
See a grief counselor. The local mental health service can make a referral for you. That counselor may have you get a medical check up, to rule out organic problems, and may even refer you to a psychiatrist. But get help. You seem to be shutting out the world, and your kids deserve better from you. Something was wrong with your marriage before your husband had his affair. YOu haven't dealt with that, so you need to address a bunch of issues that are leading you to be depressed. Good luck.
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