A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently was in an auto accident. Ended up being my fault because my foot was wet and slipped off the brake. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Also, a month ago my cousin was killed in an auto accident just outside of town. I am struggling with anxiety and how quickly the smallest of things can change everything.After my accident, my husband was terrific saying it was no big deal as long as I wasn't hurt. Problem is it has also caused some unexpected anxiety. I reallize that in the broad scheme of things, that I was so blessed and how small a thing it is. Yet it is still causing me a little bit of trama and anxiety. Especially, when it comes to driving and other things. I surely was not expecting for it to affect me the way it has. Im trying to deal with all these unexpected things, I've been trying to communicate with my husband about them. Yet every time I do, he seems to pull away and not want to listen. He keeps telling me how I'm over reacting to the whole situation. I've tried to explain that I'm not trying to over react. I said how grateful I am and understand the damage could have been more extensive. I've explained that I realize that I've explained that I understand that it in the big scope of things it was a minor accident which is why I myself cannot understand why I'm having feelings and anxiety that I'm experiencing. I've asked him to give me some comfort on the whole thing by listening and being there for me. Holding me, you know, just emotionally and physically trying to be there for me. But I feel im getting the exact opposite of understanding. I feel he's being very empathetic and uncaring and has become distant. Today he told me that I just need to get over it and quit dragging this whole thing out. I feel more hurt by that and him saying im overreacting. He told me I always said I wanted him to be upfront and honest with him and now that he is I'm twisting everything and turning it all on him.Am I? I don't think I am and wouldn't do that. He also is withholding affection and sex. I am trying to work through my emotions but am I overreacting and seeing this all wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): Honey,
You are not overracting. He is being very rude; not letting you express your feelings. Ask him why he doesn't want to hear it. And if that doesn't work, tell us.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 I can relate to what you are saying and your need for comfort and re-assurance. You realised how fragile we all are and that it is really quite easy to damage yourself or kill another with a very little error or mistake. Something which was very minor in the scheme of things happened to me and I wanted to talk the issue over and over with my husband just really for comfort and love and to know that all was right with the world. The first couple of times I raised the subject he listened and was relatively comforting although I could see he was not really that interested. After the third time it was suggested that I put it all behind me and move on and now I am not even allowed to raise the subject without my husband physically exiting the room. I so know where you are coming from but I don't feel you are going to get the emotional comfort that you need from your husband. Most men I know don't really relate to this kind of thing and don't understand the deep fear and emotions that can be unleashed from minor accidents to even near death experiences. My advice would be to stop talking about it with him and discuss it over and over agin with a good friend. Women are normally better, more sympathretic and understanding. I don't think that your husband is pulling away i honestly feel that he probably doesn't have a clue what to say or how to deal with the emotions that this accident has created. It might be worth your while going to see your doctor for something to help the anxiety - which believe me will pass, but over time. I would stop trying to discuss your feelings further with him until you feel a little more in control and medication and a good friend can definitely help with this.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 I do think you are overracting a bit for such a small wreck. However it's not really the wreck that's troubling you, but the fact that you've lost a family member fairly recently and it was sort of a wake up call. You are realizing your life is half over and perhaps you haven't done everything you wanted to do. Perhaps you worry about death and the afterlife. Does it exist? Is there a heaven? And will you go there after you die? Have you lived a good enough life? These are the weighty topics that are beneath the surface of your anxiety. Perhaps you are really searching for some spiritual meaning to your life. Since your husband fails to see the connection your trivial wreck is having on your pschye he's unable to rise to the occasion. Rather than beating your head against the wall, start praying. I've found talking to God very comforting when I'm battling things much bigger than myself. Good luck.
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