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male
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anonymous
writes: HelloA friend of mine has asked me the following: "she wants to settle thoughts on her mind and perhaps find out my feelings towards her" so I answered " I have very strong feelings for her and I find myself thinking about you and when you are not in my thoughts magic happens and something reminds me of you and I smile and feel warm." Then she says "bluntly unfortunately, that you consider me purely as a friend? do you cross the line with other desires or wishes for us to be more than that?" My response "bluntly...Yes (not so much a wish but want more). I normally let live and let live, YOU have burned my heart from day one.Not so much a wish but like you are the one through all the silliness that is fantabulous and when people tell me after they meet or see us together how they feel that real love can exist and drives them to make it real for their lives." She then says "why do you think I have asked those questions?" and my response is "In very high hopes that it is not unrequited and not a joke God is playing with the universe on me...Cos I don't find it funny." Then she says "was wondering if you have thought of me in sexual terms or wanted to go further past friendship?" My answer was "yes" then she says she does not want to talk to me anymore and since then she has I have not seen or heard from her. Was I wrong in telling the truth or should I have lied to her?Thank youConfused and Hurt Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Oh jeez! You were not wrong to tell the truth. Whenever we say what's in our hearts and minds, we do make ourselves vulnerable because we cannot control the other person's response.
It certainly does not sound to me as if your only interest in her was sexual. Certainly you have sexual feelings for her, but I get the impression you like her for more than that. Correct? (I'm assuming that is correct, or you would not be feeling as confused and hurt as you are).
She might not have realized the strength of your feelings and I guess wished to know whether you regard her as simply a friend. Possibly that is how she thinks of you, and perhaps does not have the same sense of "chemistry" as you do. That MIGHT be why she told you she didn't want to talk about it any more. May not have known how to respond to what you revealed, and thus ducked out.
How long is it since you last heard from her or saw her? If it has been two or three weeks, how would you feel about inviting her out for coffee? Again, taking a risk because she might say no. It rather depends on how badly you want to see her. If she DOES go for coffee with you, be light, don't lay a lot of heavy stuff on her, and to begin with, let her lead the conversation!
Good luck!
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