A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for four years, everything was going well till early this year. He quit his job and started his business. He was stressed out and start hanging out with his friends alot more. He joined church groups and start riding his motorbike. Prior to this he would come over more often, call every morning and text. slowly, he stop doing that and said he is stressed out extreamly busy. I am being emotional and always asking him to spend time with him. mind it, I start seeing him once a week after i have constently asking can you come and see me. he would still say he loves me, but he is stressed out and riding clears mind.. fine! past month, he start talking about religon and how he things this not going to work.(he knew what religon i was before and still wanted to marry me).. we argued, continue seeing once a week. I had a feeling he was cheatin on me. I created a fake face book account, friended his freinds and saw pics of him with an other girl, looked like they were in a bar.HE had picked her up. When i asked he said that is my friends lil sister. What r u doing picking her up. This girl was no lil sister, i saw her pics and she is a partty girl. I also talked with his friend as someone else and asked about my bf,his friend said he is singel. And those girls in the pics, they met em in the bar.( no ones younger sister) hmmm... Not only that I saw dirty text message to an other girl on his phone, saying, guess what i am eating, its not your Pu$$y and what are you doing thursday night, i am gonna be around. I checked her facebook and she had written a note about him. this is the night he said he was busy, she said "i am mad at you that I only got to see you for 30 secondss, sike but i am glad i got to see you". his friend told him that i was checking up on him. He called me and i said yes, i told you to tell me you wanted prof, and i was getting prof. He said under an other name? i said yes, i got the idea from radio. He said i am a psycho and he is done. it is over, he hung up. He texted me he never wants to hear form me ever, he hates me. He called me F'd up B!tch. He said, he doesnt love me and he HATES me, like really hates me. I asked him over and over again to talk to me in person and lets sort this out. I am not a psycho i was trying to gather prof. He said, leave him alone. I got him, than i should move on. There is a feeling in my heart saying he wasnt cheating cheating he might have been just fooling around. cuz we were aruging over stuff and those pics could be just simple plan fun. cuz he was not kissing her or anything... i duno what to say.I stoped texting him or calling him. Today is the forth day of the break up and he has not called or text. I am hopelessly inlove with this guy.He told few of the people i knew thru him, and they blocked me on my fake account specially the girl he went to see for 30 seconds. She actually blocked me from my real facebook account. He must have told her my real name. What shoud i do?? Am i a psycho to create a fake account to get information? it is soo hard to move on, cuz we didnt even talk it thru and he just dumped me instead of me dumping him or even talking abuot the situation. ( btw he is 32 and i am 30).
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broke up, facebook, kissing, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JLAnna  +, writes (4 September 2010):
More or less, he got caught and is guilty of it.
Don't blame yourself as I was cheated on as well.
I made a fake facebook account and searched her name and pics. Sure enough, I found proof of the girl he lied about as she is the long time girlfriend of his.
Anyways, I did send a message to her on facebook about him cheating on her. She might not believe it, but at least I warned her.
You are not crazy, you did your work to find proof because your gut instinct told you that something was not right.
As hard as it is to move on, it is what you need to do. He is not worth the stuff he put you through. If he cared enough, he would say I am done with you or that you two needed to talk. Leave things as it is, and don't bother with him. Take care of yourself, because you deserve better. I am sorry that you are going through a hard time right now, but time will pass and it will get easier to deal with it.
A
female
reader, DenimandLace +, writes (3 September 2010):
 He is moving on and he feels guilty. The way to assuage that guilt is for you to become the bad guy in this relationship. You knew something was wrong, and you checked up on him. You found proof. Its time for you to let go and move on. Anything else from you at this point will make you come across as a stalker and make you look bad. It will reinforce whatever it is that he is telling his friends.
This guy is manipulating you and you need to just leave him completely alone. No calls, no texts, no following him around whether online, or for real.
He is a jerk and you need to let him go. denim
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A
female
reader, Supreeya  +, writes (3 September 2010):
Okay think about it. How angry/upset were you when you saw those photos and read those text messages? At that time did you doubt that he was cheating?? sometimes, when issues in a realtionship do not get talked over/resolved we trick ourselves into thinking maybe we are wrong?
After a four year realtionship i dont think any man would find it that easy to break up with their girlfriend. especially if they are innocent.
Honey, it may be difficult to accept but this guy sounds like a real jerk who doesnt deserve you. Be Strong and remember that he was out flirting with random girls and talking about eating their pussy when he was supposed to be with you.
i've been with guys who have wronged me, and then made me out to be the bad party. simply because they dont want to be seen as the 'bad guy', when really they are.
Dont feel bad about having feelings for him, these things take time, and time is the greatest healer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Hi
You looked for proof and it seems that you found it. Sending a girl texts referring to oral sex is cheating. The very fact you felt you couldn't rest until you had proof suggests that deep down, your instincts told you that you had doubts, and instincts are normally right!The facebook stuff doesn't make you a psycho stalker,just somebody who is hurting. It is a sure fire way of pushing somebody away. It could easily escalate into harassment and even have legal implications.You say that your upset that he dumped you before you dumped him. Perhaps its the loss of control and feeling of abandonment that is the real issue for you here? I know it's hard to move on, but you will. It's important to build up your self-esteem before you embark on another relationship or it is likely you will repeat this pattern. I'd recommend asking your G.P to recommend a cognitive behavioural therapist or counsellor. Good luck sweetie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Honey, he's abusive and he cheats... BE glad he showed his true colors before you decided to make this relationship more then it was. (such as marriage)
WHY would you need to talk about it? You have the proof? He is just REALLY pissed off that not only did you catch him, you caught him red-handed with his pants at his ankles... you know what that make him? A DUMBASS LOSER!
Men like him doesn't like getting caught, but they really dislike to be found out that ... they are STUPID.
It may not feel like it, but you GOT real lucky.
Now the Skank he's been seeing can deal with the trash you just took out.
Honey, dry your eyes and THANK the stars you know who/what he is.. No good.
Time for you to MOVE on and MOVE up.
You deserve better, so much better.
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