A
male
age
30-35,
*thz
writes:Hey guys, My relationship it was going great, we understood each other very well. She loves me but her x-bf is irritating her. He still thinks that they're together but they're not. We study in the same college and I went home for a week. She had told me that her x-bf is coming to see her. As his x-bf has some sensitive information about her so he threatens her that he would go and tell jer parents and cause a mess if she didn't talk to him. Recently we got physical and whenever I asked her to give me her phone she rejected or took it from my hands because she didn't want me reading her conversation with her x-bf. Also she said that she doesn't delete the conversation as she could have but she wants me to see it at a later stage. But my curiosity wasn't allowing me to wait and have patience.So there was a day I checked her phone and her conversation with him(xbf) when she was in the washroom and I came to know that she had gone out with him when he had come to see her. As i've already mentioned that i was at home. But she told me that he's coming to see her. I allowed her to see him (she didn't actually want to see him but she was forced). I told her to see him inside the university and not go outside the premises with him. In the evening she told me that she met him and he had some work and things went pretty normal. But when i checked her phone i saw that they had clicked some pictures that day in a room where in one of them they were kissing but i could see that her lips were closed. It hurt me alot. I asked her why didn't she tell me and why did she do this she told me that he had asked her to meet him outside as it was the last time they were gonna see each other. She defended herself but I was too badly hurt to trust her. She's currently not with her things are finished from her side and she doesn't love him anymore. But the thing that bothers me is that why didn't she tell me first and what should i do now about this? Should i trust her? We recently got physical with each other and that was her first time as well as for me. Should i forgive her for what she did? My mind is fucked up.. :( I need your help..
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male
reader, Athz +, writes (29 October 2014):
Athz is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey.. YouWish i completely get what you're trying to say I want to help her and i am by telling what to do. I want to fuck the shit out of him but the problem is that she doesn't wanna involve me in this because it is going to create a greater problem for her and maybe for me too. Also his x bf is just having an idea that there is someone else in her life (me) but she is not displaying it to her because it would be a threat to her only. If only it wouldn't have been this way I would have destroyed him and his life.
I know it's pretty complicated but thanks to all the guys here those who replied to my question and gave me their advice n suggestions. I sorted out things with her and we're back to normal and yes she loves me and she loves me alot.
And yeah hopefully I'll get her out of this blackmailing and shit soon. He's a fu***ng moron. that Son of a b**** and he'll pay for what he did to her. She told me things which made me believe that yes she had to do it unwillingly.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 Wow. This guy is blackmailing sexual/physical favors from her, threatening her with calling her parents, harassing and stalking her, and your response is to rifle through her phone as if she's having a clandestine affair???
What is wrong with you?? Your girlfriend is in major distress. She's being honest with you about what is going on, and instead of finding this guy and threatening the piss out of him should he continue to harass her, or calling the cops or HIS parents to expose him for the stalker pervert that he is, you're all wrapped up in yourself while your girlfriend suffers.
HE IS HURTING HER! If he's blackmailing her into taking pictures and being physical with him, that is SEXUAL assault! Where are YOU? Why haven't you confronted this guy? Why haven't you done a thing to protect your girlfriend who is going through hell now?
If you don't stop worry about whether or not to trust her and start manning up and making sure this guy stays away from her. Come on. You don't think this guy didn't PLAN to have pictures on her phone just for the purpose of having you see them to put her through more hell. All she has to say is "Stop! My boyfriend looks through this phone", and she's opened herself up to more attacks from him.
You wonder why she hasn't been more forceful in repelling this guy, right? Well, he's blackmailing her, and he's doing everything in his power to get YOU out of the picture, and apparently your reaction and fixation on whether or not you can trust HER means his plan is going along so well, it's like you two got together and planned how to hurt her.
In your country, women don't have the kind of rights that others are used to having. YOU must step up and be her protection. STOP the harassment on her. She can't do it, and he will not stop until she is utterly devastated.
Get your head "un-f*cked" and go protect her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 She didn't do enough to stop her ex boyfriend. Her story doesn't add up. I don't think a kiss was necessary for a last meeting or a closure, especially taking a picture too. I don't understand why she wants you to see the conversation and the picture. She was not acting like a victim and did not resist anything he told her to do.
There are many things she could have done. Block his number. Alert her parents that he's trouble and call the police if necessary. Say no to final closure. Her compliance to meeting her ex based on that threat made her a weak minded person.
You shouldn't have looked at her phone. If you didn't trust her what you should have done is slow it down until she doesn't carry a baggage anymore, and that her ex is out of her sight completely. It's not fair for you to be dragged into this mess. You can also say to her it's hard to carry on the relationship if she happens to see him one more time. Since she promised it's the last time.
I don't know why she did not delete the conversation and the pictures. If she wanted to show you at a later stage to prove that what she and him had was mild, nothing that crossed the boundary then that was careless of her to keep the photo. Clearly she had something to hide and she didn't have the urgency to delete that. I don't understand her reasoning.
Her ex might know about you so that's why he wanted to piss you off. He knew the relationship was over but that's what boys do, to see if the ex still carries a flame and to see if he has the power to screw with the new relationship. Your girlfriend is letting him do that perhaps she likes that kind of attention.
You will not be able to forgive her until you are convinced that she is really over him. No need to feel fucked up. You put your heart into this ahead of knowing her well enough. Slow it down. You don't know if she's the one yet.
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A
female
reader, Melanie0517 +, writes (28 October 2014):
So, why is it done now? What did he have on her that all the sudden doesn't matter? Why would you take a picture cheating your boyfriend? I don't understand any of it, and I wouldn't forgive her.
She sounds like she needs to get control of her life, an ex is blackmailing her..that's a problem, a problem you should not get involved in. If she's forced to do anything, she should probably go to the police. Way too much drama here, you're pretty young so right now you think this crap is okay in a relationship, but it's not.
You shouldn't defend yourself when you cheat, you should apologize and hope the other person can let it go, she doesn't sound like a trustworthy person. I'm sorry, but I'd move on and find something and someone more stable.
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A
female
reader, Rebecca Jane  +, writes (28 October 2014):
hi :) i think perhaps she kept it from you because she knew it was going to hurt you and it really was the last time. But if you cant find it in yourself to forgive her, perhaps it would be for the best if you seperated as it could cause a lifetime of doubts and mistrust. whatever you decide, know that it'll work out in the end :D
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