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female
,
*hunchilla
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months and it has all been going really well. We have a great time together and get on like a house on fire. The problem is we met online and haven't really got to the stage where we are exactly exclusive although neither of us has been seeing anyone else. He is still very active online, as am I despite wanting to now be exclusive (I have not got to that talk yet), and tells me it is only fun and I do the same but avoid any real attachments to anyone. Anyway I have found out that he has arranged a date with someone in two days time as he did not log off properly on my computer at home and so I can read his e-mails. In the past I would never have dreamed of doing so, but something he said the other day made me suspicious about someone who had e-mailed him. I now don't know what to do. We have both always prided ourselves on integrity and honest as was a major part of the attraction. I know he has not lied to me before from my reading his e-mails, but he is saying he can't see me Saturday because he is visiting a mate out of town. I feel that I can't tell him what I know because I have been snooping. I am so furious right now I have a crazy idea to spy on him or turn up at the meeting place with this girl to show both him that I know and her what he is made of. Although I am not happy at the thought of him seeing anyone, it is still for all intents and purposes the agreement... it is more that he is lied... it seems so out of character.Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (14 October 2005):
He is not yet sure he wants to date you exclusively, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, while he meets other women. You have no business reading his mail. Period. If you do anything that lets him know that you are prying into his business, it is over between you. It that is what you want, just move on. Forget the melodramatics. You aren't married afterall. What makes you think you can act the martyred bride? There is no commitment of fidelity between you? Yes, he has been dishonest, and that does not speak well of his character. But the answer to that is to call him on it, not embarrass him publicly. Praise in public, scold in private. Its a good rule to live by.
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