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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf kissed another girl last wkend, he told me straight away and basically assumed that I'd dump him. The thing is I do forgive him, I admire the fact that he told me straight away and he even went and told his parents and I know he feels miserable about it.We've been together 3 years but the past 3 months have been very tough, on again off again, it's just circumstances and I know he loves me very much and I do still adore him. He's calling to see me tomorrow to give me back my things and for me to give him him things, my idea! I just want to see him, he lives a bit away from me so told me about his cheating over the phone. What should I do? Do I try and give it another try? I really want to but deep inside I know I could never ever do that to him and I think that he must be having doubts about us if he was with someone else. He says he was drunk and doesn't remember. But even if you are drunk you should never cheat if you really do care. I'm so confused. I love him to pieces and I do forgive him? But I don't know if I can let him go.Can men really cheat when they're in love with someone else?
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male
reader, Monk +, writes (1 December 2005):
He told you right away and expected you to dump him because he wants to break up with you. He doesn't have the balls to break up with you so he wants you to break it off.
If he's really into you, there's no way that he'd tell you right away. He'd be struggling with what to do for awhile. And if he does tell you and is truly sorry about what happened, he'd be begging you to not leave him.
If you really want to keep him, then you need to spice things up a big. He's probably getting bored of you. Make him work for you - be coy and unpredictable. Flirt with other guys. Be 5 different girls - surprise him. Always always keep a man guessing and let him know that he has to work for your interest. And don't get fat.
If you can't make those changes, then it's probably time to let him go and start over.
BTW, there are many types of cheating. In this case, his cheating was probably (or not) an expression of his disastisfaction with you. There's also cheating for sex. That's not a big deal because there's no emotional involvement - you're not about to be tossed aside. There's cheating while drunk - that I would forgive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): Once a cheater always a cheater, id leave him for good, yes men and women cheat even if they are in love with someone, i have read in many magazines saying that most men and women would cheat on their partners if given the chance too, not because they dont love their partners but because its that thrill and something new and exciting. But if i was in your position i would leave him but it sounds like you have forgiven him already but if your hurting deep down then maybe you need to reconsider taking him back.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 December 2005):
Hello there,Wow you must be a very forgiving type person to be able to think about taking back someone who betrayed you. First off lets understand the topic of cheating and why people (men AND women) do it, ok? People cheat for many reasons, some to make themselves feel better, it can be a ego boost knowing that somoene else besides there partner wants them, some do it to get out of a relationship an easy way, some do it to hurt the other, but in most cases the person who cheats is not getting all the want out of the relationship so they look for it elsewhere. I'm not saying, that if the guy doesn't get sex from his gf, then he goes and does it with someone else. Im talking about emotional feelings that he may not be getting from the relationship. Such feelings as affection, love, attraction, all sorts of things. But i honestly dont think this relates to you, as you said he was drunk. So why does some do it when they are drunk, even if they truly love there partner? Well dear, when someone is under the influence of alcohol, or drugs there mind doesnt not comperehend the consequences of waht they are doing. They take greater risks and chances (e.g. having un safe sex, cheating on there partner, jumping off a cliff etc.). They do not understand that there actions are such bad and that it could have serious affects on them and the people they love. Now this does NOT make it ok, i repeat does NOT. It doesn't mean a guy can just use the fact that he was drunk as an excuse. I beleieve for forgive someone and give them another chance they have to see what they did was wrong (and he seems to as she just assumed you would dump him and prety much left and felt very guilty, and he also admited it, which takes guts!), they have to make plans to make sure the same mistake/wrong doing DOES NOT happen again. Has he done that? Have you both done it? If this relationship does go ahead, then you both have to sit down and talk about ways to overcome it, as love isnt always there to stop it. For instance does he drink so much always that he cant control him self? Then he should stop drinking or atleast limit it to hardly any. Is there other reasons why he cheated? If so talk through them and work on your relationship.Also its vital to look at how you will feel, taking back someone who cheated on you. I mean doesn't it make u feel very bad? Do you feel you can trust him again? Because if your going to give this another go but be worried 24/7 then it may not work out because he will just crack with you not trusting him, so then maybe its not the best idea.Do what feels right for you, if you believe he regrets what he did and he has made a plan to make sure it does not happen again then I think its safe to get this relationship up and running again. take care and good luck :)
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