A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been sexually active for twelve years, and I still cannot orgasm during sex. I can make myself climax six or seven times a day if I wanted. Occasionally, I can climax with oral stimulation. But never have I climaxed during sex. I have read all of the advice I could find, and most of it talks about women who have difficulty climaxing by themselves, but I have no problem with that. My partner has told me that his past girlfriends could all climax easily, which makes me feel lousy. Are there any women out there who have overcome this problem?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2011):
 I am 51 I started having sex at 14
i have had multiple partners... over many many years
I have ONCE had what i consider an orgasm during penetrative sex.
Sadly I think i'm more normal than not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Yup he's definitely lying about his past girlfriends or they were fakers.
OP it's something we guys do and say because we want to believe it not because we want to make you feel bad. Not having the ability to pleasure our girl is not a nice thought. The women that know this usually fake it, which I don't understand because you can't actually fake the physical reactions your body produces when you orgasm at least I haven't met a woman that could. It's too easy (for me) to tell when they're faking it.
12 years you've been sexually active OP and you have never climaxed during penetration, that means you're just like over half of all women in that you only climax through clitoral stimulation. So just introduce that as part of intercourse. With your finger or a vibrator, or his finger etc. If like the ex that chigirl mentioned your boyfriend wants to be the one who makes you climax then just teach him how to do it while he's penetrating you. Some positions make that very easy to do.
Don't feel bad or let it bother you, sex isn't only about penetration.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I will add to what YouWish said, that many women do fake it. I don't for a second believe that all his past girlfriends climaxed with ease, as that would imply he actually knows how to get a woman to climax. He hasn't gotten you to climax, thus meaning... it is likely that many of the women in his past faked it.
I only have ONE girl friend who climaxes easily. One. All the others tell a more or less similar tale to you and me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 April 2011):
I have been sexually active for close to a decade myself, and haven't ever climaxed through penetration. I need clitoral stimulation, and I need to do it myself. There has only been one man who ever could make me climax from oral. Then there have been men who I climaxed with, but only when I used a vibrator for help along the way.
I'm not taking it too seriously or thinking something is wrong with me. Climaxing is easy for some women, difficult for others. Women like you and me probably need expertise and loads of patience. The one guy who could make me climax with oral sex would have to be down there for at least 30 minutes or more to get me there. And no complaining! Because even as much as a shift in position, or complaining about a tired tongue, or neck, is so off-putting it turns me right back to start. Doesn't help that a past boyfriend shamed me for masturbating after sex since I wanted to come as well, and he couldn't get me there himself. He didn't like that I went and finished off on my own! So now I was to feel guilty about not being able to climax as well. It doesn't help the "problem" exactly.
What I find helpful is to just relax, and be comfortable with it. I don't climax, I do it on my own if I feel the need for a release, and I work on NOT feeling guilty over not coming, or for needing to masturbate on my own to get there. Instead I work on building the confidence to include my partner in the act, if only for a short moment of the act, or to watch the entire act of masturbation. One step at a time, and then maybe one day I will get there. But if not I can get by without climaxing through sex with my partner. Because the sex is by no means boring or unsatisfying, even if I don't climax. Climaxing isn't essential for sex.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Hard question.Firstly, there are many women who cannot orgasm at all and many more who cannot orgasm through penetrative orgasm. This could be the case with you, and that may have to be something you accept.Because you find it difficult to climax through oral sex, then masturbation is probably the only way you can orgasm, and you must be satisfied with that. There is no point comparing yourself with other women. Some women have large breasts, some have small, some women are tall, some are short. That's the way nature built you, being upset about the way you are is a waste of time. Some things cannot be changed.You are getting yourself worked up and anxious, and this is the worst thing you can do. You have made penetrative orgasm too important in your life, and therefore are pushing it further away. The more uptight you are, the less likely you are to orgasm. YOU MUST BE TOTALLY RELAXED to have a climax.You probably have a psychological block, (assuming there are no physical underlying conditions) Something about your personality (controlling), the way you were brought up (religion) your value system (good girls don't) some form of childhood trauma (early exposure to sexuality) bad sexual experience....... the list goes onDifficult problem to solve, because your inability to let go could be due to anything and is too hardwired to remove easily. Best to see if you can get a counselor who deals with sexuality. There you will have the time to explore what sex means to you, and what loosing control means. It will take many sessions as you are trying to change something about how you personality has developed. It's more than just technique or a list of instructions about how to come.You can climax six or seven times yourself. You don't say if this is with your hand or using toys. I suggest that you masturbate in front of your partner. Good way of you getting used to loosing control. You could also try masturbation, several times, and then oral sex. Aiming to get your body aroused and relaxed for penetrative sex.Explore several positions. Many women find it easier either on top or in the doggy position. This may be suitable for you.Relax and stop worrying, enjoy the sex life you currently have. Stop worrying about the wrong type of orgasm, and start tuning into your body, so you know what positions, touches and movements arouse you the most. You say it's hard to climax through oral sex. Ask yourself if this is because it's too messy, too embarrassing, too soft, too rough or too ticklish. Keep your attention on your own experiences, this will help to still your worrying mind. Experiment and try to make your sex life the best that it can be. 95% of sex happens in the brain, not the genital area and there, unfortunately is where your problem lies.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 April 2011):
 First of all, never take a guy's word that *all* of his past girlfriends climax easily. Statistics have shown that up to 80% of women have faked it, and a good many of them fake it on a regular basis. If your partner were to hear any candid interviews by his past exes about climaxing during intercourse, he would be appalled at the number of times they used vocal acting and cues to hasten his ejaculation.
So don't feel bad. You're in the majority of women who don't orgasm through intercourse alone. The vagina alone has very few nerve to stimulate orgasm, and typically, either the position you use, the size of the man's penis, his thrust rate, and of course how long he lasts are all factors.
You have an advantage in that you can make yourself climax. You can guide his hands and mouth to the places that make you feel good, and don't be anxious that you're taking too long or that you have to measure up to your partner's ex-screamer girlfriends. Apparantly, they aren't with him anymore. :P
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