A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been having some issues from the past come back up and rear their head in my relationship. I don't particularly know how to deal with them. I've been with my gf for about a year and a half. The last six months have been stable and great. But the first year were practically hell for me. They were an emotional roller coaster. Let me back track. She broke up with me constantly over that first year. One minute I was everything to her, and the next, she would put me down and dump me. Only to have us get back together again and go through the motions all over again. She has a lot of emotional problems and I suppose I was her whipping post. I stood by her side no matter what. I tried to be her rock, but it took such a toll on me. Now, she's leveled off and we have been problem free for a long time. We have become stable together and she has learned how to work through problems with me rather than running away like she always did before. But that doesn't take away the past hurt. I am beginning to realize that I hold a lot of resentment about the beginning of our relationship. I also have realized that she has complete security in the relationship, as she knows I would do anything for her and will fight for her. She has this security because I have shown her and reinforced her over and over with my actions. On the other hand, I have no security because of all of these things that have happened. She stripped that away.I don't know how to just drop it. It sucks because we've finally gotten to the place where we should have been all along. But I hate how insecure I now feel. After a year and a half, I shouldn't question her love. But I do. And it doesn't feel fair that she gets to feel secure and I don't. Any advice? I want to tell her how I feel but I also don't want to hurt her. And I don't want to dig up past issues. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): You sound like a very special person, and if its any support to have come through all that, I expect your girlfriend values you more than you will probably ever know. Sometimes when things go well, we feel anxious because it all feels to good to be true, enjoy it.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (6 February 2014):
 You are correct there is no point rehashing the past. If things are great there is no need to rock the boat. I understand your insecurity, especially when she walked out on you so many times. I suspect she was scared to trust and did not believe things will have a happy ending hence she continued to run from you every time there was sign of a problem. I am inclined to believe she is more secure and trust you and that will make it more difficult for her to let go this relationship, so I think you can relax. However if you want peace of mind, talk to her during a relaxing monument and ask her how she feels about yourll as a couple and you hope that she in for the long haul as you see future together. Her response should give you the comfort.
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