A
female
age
41-50,
*hesheriff'swife
writes:I've been i a relationship for 6and a half years now and i still don't know if this man loves me. We have a family now i have 2sons he has 2sons and a 4 month old together.He never tell me he love on his own its always when i say i love you then he says i love you too, but he automatically says "ilove you" to his kids which is wonderful but why not to me freely and he knows how much i love him. i do believe he takes me for granted, He also has a terrible nonchalant attitude. Having this family is what i always wanted but i don't feel that he's going to marry me the kids asks him all the time when are we getting married he pretnds he dont here them as a joke then he answers and says soon, which i doubt.i"ve tried numerous times to leave him alone and say i'm through but its like i cant because i love him and i dont want him to be with anyone else so much has been invested tho.i don't trust him to much the reason being when i was pregnant he was cheating on me i brought it to him i found out through his phone text messaging called the girl back and you know the rest. But anyway we resolved that tho she still trys to text yes i still go through his phone but i dont see where he has replied to her and her textes now are "why won't you answere any of my calls or textes please call me back". So now he starting to show me who textes every now and again or he'll say out loud this is so-and-so calling then answeres it, what's up with that with that. He's a wonderful provider but he really sucks in romance I don't know what to do i don't want to cheat on him i'm at witts end.HELP ME!!!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 March 2009):
He's not changing but you are not willing to leave as you love him too much.... but you are willing to cheat?
That doesn't make sense at all.
I think the reason you can't leave is because you are scared. You are scared of being alone after 6 or 7 years of always having someone to fall back on and be your safety net.
You are scared of being a single mum and you are scared that you will lose your nice lifestyle together.
Until you get over that fear then there is nothing you can do. If you go off and cheat and try and justify it then you are really really being selfish as you are just keeping your guy as solid dependable plan B.
Give yourself a slap, start thinking straight and stop acting like a tortured teenager about this.
Tell him that you don't think he loves you and you don't think he's ever going to marry you so you are leaving to find someone who does.
Then you have to take a big step and actually do it. Be brave and it will all be ok.
Investing time and effort in a relationship is all well and good, but if there is not going to be any return on it then you have to cut your losses and go.
Good Luck!! xx
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