A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, i'm new here and i need help..This may take a bit to explain, but bear with me.. please?Basically, a few years ago when i was still in high school i met a man a lot older.. i was 15 and he was 33. I got involved with him (in secret)and just as i finished school i fell pregnant. My parents were angry etc and everyone blamed him for it. i didnt because i made the decision myself. Anyway as it turned out, he was married :( and i then had to deal with being called a homewrecker which made me feel awful, seeing as i had no idea. His wife left him, saying she was glad and he'd done her a favour. A long while later i moved in with him, baby and all. Mainly because i needed help and i did love him, regardless of it all. In time, my family got to like him, being a 'changed man' and the like. For the first year, it was good. we were so close and i really loved him but after that it turned sour. he started to get angry with me all the time, violent and force me to do certain things, which i wont go into. It gutted me but i didnt realise anything was wrong. I kinda thought it was just stress and only for the moment. Eventually, i moved out and broke up with him on a temp basis to see if he could change. We went on a holiday as friends with our daughter.. it was amazing and i was very close to getting back together with him but scared of him too.. sadly he gave me a ultimatum and when i didnt decide right away, he took my child away from me and lied to social services. After a long investigation and discovery of his lies, i got her back. Over the past 2 years, we've talked and got on for her sake. Numerous times he has asked me to come back. i've always said no. Last summer he got engaged to someone else, after asking me to get back together with him the day before. I didnt care much and i assured him we were over. For the past month, he has given me chance after chance to come back to him and my answer was No.Last week, he got married.I can't get over it and i actually dont think i'm ever going to, i have a constant lump in my throat..I hate him so much for everything he did.. but somewhere i kinda love him too and i cant stop crying over it. I know that im an idiot. I will never ever tell him this or harm his marriage etc..but Do i love him? What is wrong with me? and how do i stop feeling like this.i would appreciate any advice or words of wisdom.
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female
reader, aiza  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Hi,
I see you have gone through a lot with this man it seems as if now that he has moved on and the constant ask for you to come back to him has only enabled you to get use to the whole idea and the fact that he is now married again it seems as if it is the end. I suggest you just focus on your daughter and find something to occupy you maybe focus on yourself, enjoy the company of others i find that if i can occupy myself it helps to get someone out of mind the more alone you are the more your prone to think hard about things and make you go loopy. You obviously know that you deserve so much better than that, i think you love him but your not in love with just the idea or hope that he could have changed.
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