A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I wonder if someone might be able to give me some insightful perpectives on my situation. When I was 10, I met this boy because our families lived closeby and were good friends. We liked each other a lot. I know it sounds silly because both of us were just 10. Nevertheless, he told me one day how much he likes me and I liked him too, for me it was too good to be true. We became what we now call childhood sweethearts. A year later, his family moved away to another city. But I still "loved" him. What I mean is that I didn't think it was over. In my head I would think "So what if he's far away. It's not over. No one said anything about it being over." When a friend and his family went to meet him and his family a few months later and this guy came back and told me that he had another girlfriend, I started praying it was all a dream. I prayed and hoped that I was still dreaming from the night before he told me he was leaving. I wished desperately that someone would wake me up! I went away to boarding school and when we would talk about boys, I would only talk about him. I'd be happy and sad at the same time when I'd dream about him. I would think long and hard of him before falling asleep, so that I'd dream of him. Every single person I knew heard about him from me. It must have been infatuation, right?About six years later, I dated other boys, but never forgot him. And then, after 10 years, he got back in touch with me through the internet. It was amazing because I had given up all hope of ever meeting him again. It so happened that my mom was moving to the city he lived in. I quit engineering and moved there, starting university afresh. Why? Because he said so. He asked me to be his gf, I reminded him that he had told me in our online chats about this other girl he liked. He said there was nothign there and he wants to be loved. Needless to say, I said yes and we were together at last. Two months later, he wanted to take a break because he didn't quite feel the same. I said alright. A week latr, he tells me that the girl he liked is interested in him and wants to be with him. I said, okay, good for you. Next week, he tells me they're together. I refuse to see him after that with no hard feelings. He calls me a week later. Turned out that girl wouldn't sleep with him and he wanted someone who would. Someone = me. That I didn't know then. A few weeks later, I find out he was cheating on that girl with me and telling her all sorts of things about me being after him, I confront him, he denies. He wants to show that girl he loves only her and kisses her in front of me. breakup, break-up, break up. Few weeks later we start going out again, he makes things all great and all, introducing me to everyone as his gf and then I find out he was cheating on me with that girl. I still want to give him another chance, but realize he's with me just for the sex. Want him no more. Then he realizes it's me he actually wants. We get back together. Cheats on me 2 weeks later, confesses, I say we'll work things out. Cheats on me again a month later. I want to leave him but he will just not let me. Another chance given. Faulty protection, I get pregnant, have to have an abortion because he couldn't have it any other way. Two months later, I find out he's been lying to me about every single thing he does. He breaks up with me. His friend is interested in me. He wants me back. We get back together. Couple of months later, he's making out with his friend's gf. I didn't know til much later. Another couple of months later, he's making out with my best friend. Didn't know about this either. I go out for lunch with a guy. He finds out and hits me. I have a blood clot in one eye and bruises on my face. It's over. No more going back. When I finally find another guy I really, really like who treats me like a princess, he messed things up for me, and the guy said we can't really be together because it's too complicated. Then toys with me saying he wants to get back with me and fooling around with a 17 yr old at the same time [I was 23]. It was pure torture..those 3 years.I finally moved to another country 2 yrs back and am away from him. But even after all this abuse I still think of him sometimes. My current bf whom I've been with for a year treats me nice, but I recently found him flirting about with other girls and the other day he physically abused me a little. And I find myself wondering if I'm still putting up with this shyt then why not be with my ex whom I had wanted for ages? I'm going nuts. Help, anyone? Some might suggest seeing a counselor, but I don't know how to go about that and don't know if I will be able to do that.
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a break, abortion, best friend, flirt, get back together, my ex, shy, the internet, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Hello
I am really sorry about everything you are going thru, if its any consolation what you are feeling about this guy its normal your subconscious mind didn’t let go of him that’s why you find it justifiable to make excuses for him.
What you need to realise is that this guy is not longer the 10year old cutey you innocently liked at such a young age and I am afraid that’s what you love about him. He is a grown man now who had turned his life upside down and is not capable of loving a good woman like you and that is not your fault that is life. No one said its fair. I think you became a little obsessed with this man that leaving your whole life behind for him was very noble and I think he saw through that and he used your love for him against you.
You moved away from him to start a new life unfortunately you met another looser like him please don’t make excuses for him there is no such as little physical abuse, physical abuse is physical abuse period. Accept that you met what you were not looking for and move on with your life, you are still very young to feel the way you do you cant go back to that other looser because you met his replica on the other side of the world. Don’t do anything irrational otherwise you will end up going to country after country running away from your life forever.
Maybe taking some time might do you some justice I know it works for me. It will clear your mind off things. The counseling thing you can go to your GP he or she can tell you what kind of counseling you require after a little assessment on your challenges.
Jovial
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