A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I'm a 23 year old guy with some serious issues at hand. I've struggled with life more than others and have always been somewhat cold and distant with everyone, including myself. I feel like I've been abstract and distant from my own life and existence. My issues stem from many things but I believe that the worst of which was a premature exposer to my Father's disgusting level of pessimism too early in life. He always siad that '' If babies knew what type of world they wrere entering, they would crawl back into their mothers and die.'' and he lived this philosophy to the fullest ever since a had Any memory of him, even at the tender age of 4 or 5. Not only did I have to deal with this but I also struggled with Autism that I obtained through mercury posioning and for 2 hours everyday for 13 years of my life he reminded me of how inferior and under-productive I was compared to other Kids my age. I became a success in most areas of my life anyways but relationship wise, I have been a complete disaster if there ever was one. I have never dated, kissed or slept with a female and I have had more broken friendships than most young adults have had broken intimate relationships. Oddly enough I have the desire To help and be with people but I also have a subconscious desire To abandon them and burn my bridges. I know that to fully crack my shell I will need to start loving and caring about myself First before I can move on to others but I am almost not sure who should come next finding a nice date or some good friends. I also have this unusal problem with this opposite sex, whenever I give them attention, they're not interested but whenever I decide to ingore them they become very interested but I forget to stop ignoring them and just end up pushing them to the side. I also had a fear of impregnating girls based on what I witnessed my older Cousin deal with when his TROJAN broke on him. Despite all of this I have now broken more layers of my shell my than ever before but I have know I idea where I can find the type of woman who suites me well. I've been saving myself for a relationship but not for marriage exactly. I'm afriad that if I find a girl who's loose she'll ridicule me to no end and that if I end up with religious woman, that she'll feel guilty about sleeping with me even after We're married. I know that I am in no place to make demands here but I want a Monogamous relationship and I would like to have that woman very often, as much as we can both handle. Not to Be a prev but that's honestly what I want. I don't know where to meet ladies Either I suck with online dating sites, I don't know how to approach young Women at the bar or club, and when I start thinking about girls in my classes, I get to distracted? I know I have to Work on myself for a little while but I could Use your advice also, thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): You are not a perv. The things you described that you want are what most people want. Naturally you would want to be intimate at some point with the person you love.
Forget about your past. I know easier said than done, but you can not pity yourself. I would say work on yourself,because girls can pick up on negative vibes. Focus on the things you are good at and you enjoy.
Join a club or society that interests you, or that you can excel at.... and im sure theres something you are good at, everybody is good at something, you just need to identify it. This would help you form your own identity, and in turn give you confidence and a great way to meet new friends that share similar interests.
As for approaching a girl in a bar, this comes after you have worked on your confidence. Confidently approach her, do it without thinking...No cheesy chat up lines, and don't be drunk. Thats all we ask for.
Then a simple "hi whats your name? Im......whatever" "Where are you from?" By this stage you can tell from her body language if she is interested (eg.has she turned to face you?) She should also ask you questions about yourself then aswell. Also stick with online dating, because it can build your conversation technique with girls.
If you meet a girl you like take it slow a few dates before you decide to make it official. Don't pressure her, and she shouldn't pressure you. Always be open about your feelings, some people may disagree with me.
But its best in the long run, so you know where you stand and you save yourself a huge heartbreak. This is also why you need to work on your confidence. Speak your mind when you meet a girl you like, she will admire you for it. So don't clam up.
All this comes after you work on yourself. So for now focus on you. If you feel good about yourself, a relationship is more likely to last the distants.
Good Luck.x
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