A
female
age
41-50,
*c74
writes:Hi (Sorry this is so long)I had been with my boyfriend for 18 months and living together when he had an affair. I found a mobile hidden with texts on from another woman in mid September. When it all came out he’d met her at a college reunion and shared a kiss. They’d only been texting for a week and he promised to stop and tell her it was over. We had a big talk and decided to make another go of it.In January, I found another phone with general ‘hello sexy how are you?’ texts to another woman. I was furious and he begged to try again saying he didn’t know why he did it and that he loved me. I moved out for a couple of weeks to give us both time and space. He was really sorry and apologetic and we ended up trying again.In the February, he was working away when I had a phone call at our home from someone saying he was still having an affair with ******* then hung up. It turned out he carried on seeing the woman he was texting first of all in September. After the January incident with the 2nd woman, he’d decided he needed to stop this affair but she took it badly and kept contacting him. Eventually after 6 weeks he lost his rag and told her to get lost so she rung me to get back at himI moved all my things out and back to my parents as I had nowhere else to go. To cut a rather long story short, after 6 months we decided to give it one last shot. I thought I could get past all this. We have had nothing but trouble from this woman, getting up to 150 texts and 40 phone calls a day, threatening me, sitting outside the house in her car, we have even had to involve the police who gave her a warning for harassment and stalking. She still continues the silent phone calls and texts pretending to be someone else but we ignore them, hoping eventually they’ll stop.I have tried and thought it was coming together but all of a sudden I’m struggling, I don’t think I trust him when I’ve tried so hard to, I have no patience with him and worse of all, I don’t know if I’m in love with him anymore.I wanted it to work so much and it did for a while, we had a lovely holiday together and the summer was good in each others company but I’m finding it hard. I love him; just maybe I’m not in love with him. I’m so confused because I could never imagine myself without him. Should I tell him how I feel or wait and put more effort in to the relationship and see how things go?
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female
reader, vampbabii  +, writes (16 November 2008):
You should tell him how you feel. You never where truly in love with him if you don't feel that way know. Love doesn't come and go when your in love with someone your alwasy going to be in love with them. You have no reason to trust him he cheated not only one time but more and thats just not fair. How would he have reacted if it was you cheating would he have gave you another chance? I think you should get on with your life, becasue he is only going to hurt you, again. So whats the use in sitting there and letting him hurt you, just leave forget about him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): It sounds like you have put a lot of effort and hurt feelings into it already. You have certainly given him a very generous amount of chances. If your heart isn't it in anymore, don't force yourself to go through the motions. Think it out very clearly. Sometimes it is better to let things go.
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