A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex-boyfriend for two and a half years. It was my first relationship and my first 'love', we had plans and I thought we had a future.He broke up with me a year ago, out of the blue, said he had fallen out of love and couldn't commit any more.It's been a year and I don't think I'm completely over him, I want to and need to be. Because of him; I no longer believe in 'the one', or even 'love', I am cynical and bitter. I don't want to be with anyone. I don't see the point in committing because it will only lead to hurt. It still physically hurts inside when I think about him. I'm starting to think I'm missing out, there have been nice men who have crossed my path and I have not given any of them the time of day. Any tips on how to get over him???I've done the whole angry, hating, loving, trying to get back with him, telling him how I feel, sex with him and others (at different times of course), trying to make him jealous.. all that bullshit! We don't talk, I don't want him, I don't care what he does. Why does it still hurt???
View related questions:
broke up, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much guys, great help :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): It is not always possible. I will never forgive my first love. The hate is steel.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I had a similar experience to yours and I remained defensive for a very long time... I always felt that I was meant to be with him...
I think the first love and the first person you are with sexually creates a tremendous bond. I think that is why certain religions and cultures want virginity for marriage... Imagine only knowing love and respect and commitment and never knowing betrayal and hurt. Imagine being so open and trusting... it would truly be a magnificent experience. All of the years that passed in between my first love and finding my husband (18 years) were filled with many men and dating. It changed me... I learned how to move on very quickly.. how not to connect or how to avoid having my heart broken ever again.
I believe that it is totally possible that the connection is so deep at the time that it forms a bond. In this case the bond created hurt and loneliness... One way to release a spiritual/emotional tie to another is to forgive them and to let them go. Make it into an exercise. When you think of them, thank them for the time you had together... and let him go.
Release it. Imagine the gaping hole in your body being closed off and healed tightly shut. Cut the chord.
...............................
A
female
reader, jennsol  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 The truth is your really not over him and you do care about what he does alone or with someone else, this means you really love this guy and you cant get over him becuase he makes you feel like you cant love no one else like him like hes the only one there for you your not alone, this is happening to me right now too it hurts it feels really bad as if it was your fault even tho it wasnt well thats how i feel. Be happy forget about him even tho you cant its better to forget than to think about it and be hurt everyday. Go out have fun and meet new people. thats wat im doing and its working out great. :) hope this helped.. xxx :) good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (28 December 2010):
 The first love is the one y ou will never forget. At least you can maybe think about why you arent together now and what you could change for the better when you do meet someone else. You will meet someone else but it may take a long time to be able to settle with them because of how you feel about the last relationship. At least y ou are saying the right words, you don't care what he does. He has made an impression on your heart which only time will heal, so give y our self time to heal and try and think of the good times you had, not the bad.
...............................
|
