A
female
age
36-40,
*ammye17
writes:I need advice.....almost 2 years ago i was involved with with a married man, a lot of things happened, a lot of hurt and lies and he finally ended his marriage. i did not stay with him because a lot of things hapened and i was beyond hurt. after him i got involved in a relationship with this guy that went to school with me but things did not work out, i tried to be happy but he had issues with himself. I never stopped loving the married man, i always felt like i did but never got the courage to look for him, i was scared to get hurt again. I did check his facebook page and noticed he was with someone and he did once told me about this new girlfriend. and we talked from time to time but never had the courage to tell him that i loved him still. i was scared to get hurt. we saw each other again one day and we ended up sleeping toguether and i knew he was the one. i dont know how to tell him, i have been so scared to let my feelings for him come out. i know we caused each other so much pain and i truly regret it and i know he does to. what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): if you want to be with him, then you and him both got a lot of work to do to heal the hurt you've caused each other.at least he divorced his wife. So at least he did one thing right. (as opposed to continuing to stay married to her while cheating on her and continuing the lies and deceptions for more years, which many men can do indefinitely as you can see while reading this forum). So at least this formerly married man did one thing right in his life which is eventually became honest enough to end his marriage because he couldn't or didn't want to keep his vows.people make mistakes. that's life. People hurt each other, and end up getting hurt by others. That's life too. Get over it, don't just wallow in it. Learn to deal with and heal from the hurt constructively. maybe you and him are meant to be together, or maybe not. But the way you both are presently for sure is not going to work. either leave him alone and move on and learn your lesson so your next relationship doesn't fall into the same pattern, or if you have decided you love him then tell him and if he wants to be with you then you two have a lot of hard work ahead of you.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Let me get this straight.
He cheated on his wife with you. The marriage eventually blew up, devastating his wife, and you didn't stay with him. I would be very interested in why you didn't stay with him. I have a good idea though.
Then, he gets a girlfriend, and eventually cheats on HER...with you.
Okay, you're scared of getting hurt? Can you not see what he does to those who he professes love to? Stop lying to yourself. A "lot of things happened" which was why you two didn't ride off into the sunset the first time?
You have a serious personality weakness. Every single millisecond you spend pining after him, messing with him, sleeping with him, thinking about him, and communicating with him is flushing your self esteem down the toilet.
Listen to yourdesire. She has been where you are and knew when to say "enough". How many more women will you emotionally destroy? How many children will you devastate because you can't tell this man "enough" and you can't tell yourself "enough"?
If you truly regret it, then put your money where your mouth is, because if you keep messing with this guy, you are remorseless. Time to cut all contact forever.
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A
female
reader, yourdesire26 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Hun, I went through exactly what you did 6 months ago. My married man was 24 and I was 19 at the time. We were together for 2 1/2 years. He eventually moved away and tried to make things work with his wife but they ended up divorcing. Him and I still talk time to time but the more I talk to him the more I feel the hurt and pain he put me through. I am telling you right now to say goodbye to him because as time goes on you will hurt more and let it get to you. He is not worth it and the stress of what your feeling can do a lot of harm to your health. I went through depression, anxiety and barely wanted to get out of bed...I was only a convienience as i figured out to this man and that is what you are turning out to be. I am not trying to make you upset I am only coming at you real and I don't ever want to see someone go through what I did...Bottom line leave him alone and go find someone who you deserve.
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