A
female
age
,
*essa005
writes:ive been dating to a guy for 7 years. now we are both seperated. The problem is that he still feel guilt about what he had done to his wife and still pity her. Sometimes he wants to be alone to choose between his wife and me. He cant have the decision, but it is unfair to me, because when he wants me he calls and i go back to him. Do I have to end the relation? but I love him. Before we were married we were lovers for three years.He loves me but he still pity his wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): If he was discovered having the affair with you. Then its highly likely that he was made to leave his wife and if he had his choice he would have dropped you and stayed at home. He clearly still loves his wife and that is why he hasnt settled down with you. If he was going to do that, he would have chosen you and been with you body and sole for a long time now and you wouldnt have a problem.
Hes still treating you like a mistress.
Im just wondering what is it you love about him so much? He has as good as told you he regrets what hes done to his wife. Translated that means he regrets whats hes done with you. He feels pity for his wife. Translation..he still loves his wife.
Its been 7 years and he still isnt making a commitment to you.
I fail to see how he is showing his love for you. It sounds as if you are being kept on a back burner for later if things dont turn out well for him with his wife. Honestly... life is too short to wait for his type. It might be time to make a decision. Atleast then you can move on with your life.
As things stand, you are being tied down for selfish reasons by a man who has spent years dallying with you but wont commit to you. I think you need to give him up and find someone who is free to love you. This guy has shown he isnt free. So dont be tempted to run next time he calls. By doing that, you are perpetuating your own misery. Find the confidence to move on.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Its not pity, People break up and still have strong feelings for that person it does not mean we feel sorry for them, it means they still occupy a little space in our hearts. Your husband is obviously in-love with you if not he wouldn't have left his wife, but as time went by he could have regretted that decision. Maybe he has kids with her, maybe he has memories of what his life use to be with her. For all you know he could have tried going back and she keeps on rejecting him and there for feels sorry for himself not her. He choice to end his marriage and marry you therefore he should respect you and unles he has children with her he has no reason to look for her. Don't put yourself on his plate everytime he rings for you. Hold you dignity and pride.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Sorry Hon, if he was going to choose you he would have, a long time ago. He is happy having his cake and eating it too.
He cheated on his wife with you and now he is cheating on you - not a good recipe for a healthy relationship.
Move on with your life rather than waste another 7 years or more with him. He is happy exactly where he is!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 March 2011):
 After 7 years, he's not going to choose you. He's had it good for this whole time. He can "pity" (code word for he still loves her) his wife, yet he knows you'll come running at his call.
You need to end the relationship unless it's your dream to get used by a man who will forever put you in second place (or third or fourth because who knows what he's doing being alone!).
You've wasted 7 years of your life with him. I'm guessing that he cheated WITH you, left his wife, and now is cheating ON you.
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