A
female
age
36-40,
*laireShelba
writes:I was in a 5 year relationship when I ended it a few days ago. I love him a lot. I still do. However, it came to a point when I felt more pain than happiness. He began his overseas studies mid-half of last year, and lets just say he's become a different person. He used to be simple, he used to promise how he would always make time for me and to make me his priority. We used to talk about how our life would be if we got married. Today, he tells me he has great ambitions of wanting to gain recognition and earning a lot of money. He tells me he still loves me but his priority now is to fulfill his ambitions even if it means having me take a backseat in his life. When I remind him of the promises he has made, he tells me "Things have changed. I have a new attitude towards the world."He will be returning to the country for his studies soon and while I was desperately planning my time so that I could be with him, he insisted on working extra so that he has enough to buy some latest gadgets. He calls himself a workaholic, working till about 1 am everyday, even on weekends. This is just one of the many instances in which I have felt like i am the only one giving this relationship my all. He doesnt bother buying me Christmas or birthday gifts, although when we do go out he expects me to cater to his itinerary such as shopping for things that he wants.When I tell him about how my friends proposed and was proposed to (in the hopes of him becoming more effortful in our relationship), he said those were too fantastic and there was no way he would do anything like that. He said a proposal should be gotten over and done with. Again, he reminded me that his career was most important to him.So I broke up with him after struggling with myself for a long time. But I miss him to death. Am I just destroying myself hoping for him to turn around,to apologise and tell me I am going to be his priority? I've talked with him about my feelings before, sometimes I tell him I will do my best in accepting his new ambitions, other times he apologises and promises to change but it never lasts long. He still texts me, but is always reminding me that I initiated the break up and he is going to pursue his dreams now.Am I the only one who's needy in this relationship?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 January 2011):
 No you don't sound needy at all..You wanted the basics out of the relationship and he couldn't be bothered to give you a proper one. You broke up with him because this relationship wasn't enough for you. He was extremely selfish, putting himself before you. Buying his gadgets and trinkets, nothing for your birthday. He can't see himself getting married because his career is number one, then he is second. If you were still in his life you would be third, if that.
Let me remind you that he is ex. You finally mustered up enough courage to end it. Good for you. Now, you need to cut off contact because talking to your ex is keeping you from moving on. Move on, and let him go for good. Any time that you find yourself thinking about him putting him on his high horse, and your previous relationship. I suggest you take out a sheet of paper and write down every negative thing about him. That way you are reminded of why he is your ex.
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