A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:We've been married 30 years. I recently found out he reconnected with his childhood sweetheart via phone. They've been secretly talking for 3 years. It is more than just "friendship" They were arranging to meet when he took his vacation this year. Fortunately it didn't happen. For the past 2 years he has taken separate vacations. I don't know if they had been meeting or not. She lives 2ooo miles away. I have recorded some of their conversations since I found out. I have confronted him about this. He says he loves me but he tells her that too. He says he doesn't want to end our marriage but he still continues to sneak and call or text her. I am more financially stable than him, so I wonder if he stays because of that. I don't know whether to go or stay. I am an emotional wreck. He will stop for a little while when he knows I am angry and just when I think it's over I will find that he's spoken to her again. He admits that he took it a "little too far", but he still won't stop. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): he has been lying to you for 3 yrs. and i think you know him well enough to know that he is not going to stop.
is his past gf married/single/divorced/kids? how about talking to her. phone her, do not fight with her and just have an open discussion. tell her her presense is causing problems. but i think she knows it anyway .
He admits that he took it a "little too far"- what does this mean.
if you are financially better off than him then slowly but swiftly start making a note of your assets. in your name and his. do a financial stock take and evaluate your financial status. also just to perhaps give him a mental shake up plse go to an attorney. be subtle yet keep ome evidence around for him to see that you mean business. yes i am telling you to be sneaky but so has he. the correct term these days is "financially fit" (ff)you need to ensure you are ff in the event of a divorce. plse be wise, not emotional. you want to ensure you get the best financial deal and also plse mention to the attorney about his affair. there have been landmark decsions these days even with emotional affairs. plse read up and do your investigation. find out what you are worth , what he is entitled to and if you need to , then start hiding away cash, hiding away important stuff. you want to have a bigger lice of the pie and why not. after all if he can still disrespect you, you need to play his game - just a bit better.
i think you have a good head on your shoulder. as women we sometimes talk too much about what we will do - with what i have mentioned above, please be discreet, try not to tell anyone and be clever when it comes to finances. i think you are so its fair game now in your marriage. realise this- you invested 30 yrs in him, it 's time to take back your power. he thinks you just have to accept his affair and his lies but he has another thing coming to him. he has lied, cheated on you for 3 yrs. so its your time . an make the best of this time.
good luck and strength. i know it is 30 yrs going down the drain, but us women live longer than men so here's to the start of your new life. it will be hard but worth it. you then won't have to deal with a cheater and someone who is stealing your resources.
A
female
reader, tabiroo  +, writes (2 June 2009):
I have been on both sides of that equation. The love of my life is engaged and I think he is being hypocritical and unfair on his fiance staying with her just because he doesn't want to hurt her, yet telling me that I am his true love.
I have also been part of a failed relationship where my partner loved someone else.
My advice is the same either way. Leave him.
You do not deserve to be treated like that, and he should not be having his cake and eating it too. If you leave him it may shake him up a bit and he will end things with this other woman.
This may sound harsh, but if he loves her more and stays with her, then you are better off without him, you deserve to be loved by someone who has eyes for only you.
Good luck and I truly hope you find happiness.
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