A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After 3 years of dating, my boyfriend has never said I love you. The couple of times I told him (I was terrified of saying it out loud because I thought I might scare him away) he didn't even say he felt the same. I don't need those exact 3 little words, just for him to say that he feels the same when I say it to him. Last month I confessed to him that I was afraid that the reason he could never say it was because he simply didn't feel it. He basically said the same thing he always says, that he's dealing with baggage from his past relationships and for me to be understanding. But it's been 3 years! If he doesn't know if he loves me by now, I don't think he ever will. It's messing with my mind. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but now a lot of small things that he does are affecting me. I only see him about 4-5 times a month (because he doesn't feel the need to see me more often) and the last THREE times, he called while I was outside his house and told me I would have to wait there for another 2-3 hours due to a work emergency. I feel that he finds it so easy to just push me aside for any small reason. I've been thinking of leaving him before I end up with more mounting insecurities. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't love me. Am I overreacting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses.
Male reader, it really hit home when you said that if you would have stayed in that relationship, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet your wife. You're right. I can't let time and someone special go by.
Female reader, I definitely don't want to grow bitter and ruin both our lives.
Thank you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Yes, leave, are you over reacting, no. This is a major sign of a serious issue. But, you could wait 10 more years, grow old and bitter and make his life a living hell... your choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I am sorry about your situation. It doesn't sound all so happy. Based on what you have explained you should never expect him to come around. Frankly he is unable to love, or he is playing some type of game. Whatever the reason, you deserve more and by staying with him you are cheating yourself out of the best years and chance to meet someone that you'll love forever. Good news is that after 3 years of him the bar will be low for almost anyone, so you might want to assess exactly what you are going to be looking for and set your sights on that. If a guy doesn't meet the needs, cut him loose and keep looking. When I turned 22 I started dating with the idea I was looking for someone that I might be able to spend the rest of my life with, as soon as I figured out a girl wasn't going to be that person I stopped dating them and moved on, met my wife when I was 24 and I've been married happily for 16 years. If I had stayed in a jacked up relationship I'd never met her, or married her.
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