A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 23 years and we have two children aged 17 and 18. Our marriage has always had its ups and downs and we made the commitment to stay together to provide a secure home for the children. I find that I am increasingly miserable with marriage now. My husband and I always argue and he gets quite verbally abusive, sometimes physically. He also gets drunk a lot. He makes it seem that everything is my fault and I guess some of it must be as it takes two... I bought a dog 2 years ago and he hates the dog and says it comes between our marriage, He is always swearing and critising the dog and basically taking away my pleasure in having a pet. I feel tense all the time. He says he loves me and wants us to stay together but his behaviour states otherwise. However I am scared to leave, partly for financial reasons, and because I am scared to be alone. My daughter has said she will come with me and my son said he would share his time equally between us. The reality is that I feel my husband would win as he has a great family whom the kids would probably rather spend Xmas with than me, and he does all sorts of activities with them. I have no friends and my mother has dementia so I feel I have no support. I just don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): my goodness honey you have alot on your plate. I'm sorry this is happening to you. :( all I can tell you is that he has no right to verbally and/or physically abuse you or yout dog ( what did the poor thing ever do to him?!) I can't really tell you from personal experience because I've never been anything like that but I have an aunt that went through almost the same thing with my uncle . She left him but she had her mom and her daughter was still young . I know you don't want to be alone but is staying around worth being abused? He needs to respect you and if he doesn't then you need to leave him. You've done your part . Your kids are old enough to move out and get places of their own so you should have no obligation to stay with him for their sake. I do think that is very good of you to stay that long for your kids:) but now you owe it to yourself to be treated right. thats all the advice I have for you . I hope I helped you in some way . :)
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reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (23 March 2008):
The problem with being a parent is that you forget you have a life outside of your kids. I am all for parental responsibility but at the same time your mood will reflect on your kids and they are stronger than you think. I have known too many that have put up with an abusive relationship for the sake of the kids and whilst the abuse has been "hidden" from them they have been aware and nothing but happy when their parents have split up as both parents have been happier afterwards.It sounds like you need to introduce fun into your life again... that doesnt automatically mean leaving your husband or jumping in bed with the first person that shows the slightest amount of interest in you. Once you start thinking of yourself as well as your family again life will develop a new perspective. You may find your husband changes or you may find that you are happier without him
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