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female
age
,
*uropa
writes:After 21 years of marriage my husband woke up one morning and told me that I was too old for him ( I am 12 years older than him) and that he didnt love me anymore. He says I have not done anything wrong its him, he hasnt had an affair so he says. what do I do, I love him so much I thought he was my soul mate I have tried to hate him but I cant please what advice do you give?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Europa, I am so sorry for this heartache that has come into your life. To tell you that you are too old for him has my intuitions on alert here. If he's over the age of 40.. is this the typical 'crisis' so many males go through after years of marriage? Do you think this could be him? If so, encouraging counseling may help if he's willing. If he's not, there is not much you can do to get him to change his mind..
But whatever the reason, it's quite likely your husband has not been 'with you in a love-sense' for some time. This sudden turn of events did not just happen overnight. It's been a long term process and he hasn't been upfront with you...back then when he first realized his feelings had changed.. He hid it well, which could be why you didn't see it coming and it hit you like a out of control train. He is saying he wants a new life without you. He says he wants out because you are 'too old' and that is all there is to it. You are the same person you always were, hun-the same loving, kind, good woman...but now he feels, you are a hinderance to his happiness. He is an ass who doesn't deserve your love. Sheesh!
I still recommend counseling, if not for him, but for you. You need to regroup, get really strong and learn coping skills because once he goes, you will feel very lost and alone. Also please consider, a women's support group for yourself. You will need the support of others who have experienced a similar devastating marriage loss. But I am so sorry, you can't make him stay, can you? It only takes one person in a couple, to end a decade of committed love and blow up a marriage to smithereens. If he is steadfast in his refusal, you need to take time, love yourself and accept this new reality. You will need to plan your future accordingly, without him. Look out for yourself and your family here. Good luck, my dear and my heart goes out to you. Hugs for you...xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): More often than not a lame excuse like that is covering up a much larger problem. You've always been 12 years older than him so why is it an issue now? You need to get him talking!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 You cannot force him to stay against his will.
If the heart and the will is not there ,
it is better to let him leave and rebuild your life again.
There is nothing you can do to make him stay.
Be happy and this will make him suspicious.
Do not cling on to him.
If the old does not leave, the new cannot come
Think positive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I am so sorry you are going through this. You need to first have a long discussion with your husband about his feelings and see if counseling is an option. If his feelings are strong and absolute then you need to let him go. You need to believe him when he says its not you. Unfortunatly people do fall out of love. Do not turn this into a reason to find fault with yourself please. I have always told my husband if he ever felt like he was on the verge of an affair to please talk to me about his feelings first and not disrespect me with an affair behind my back. If it turns out your husband hasn't had an affair, don't try to hate him. He has tried to do the right thing by letting you go before more hurtful things happen. And they will if ya'll stay in an unhappy marriage. You didn't mention if there are children. If there are put all your energy into them and moving on. If not rely on friends and family and put that energy into making the next part of your life about you and what makes you happy. It will take time but you will be able to move on. Don't think you have to hate him though. You can be mad without hate. Hate will keep you from moving on. And you never know, there may be a bigger love in your future. I really am so sorry and hope you find peace no matter the out come.
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