A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need help with a relationship that has lasted 17 yrs.A couple of weeks ago he said to me that I love you to death, but I don't feel the same anymore. I have no reason to believe he is cheating, there is no signs at all. He won't commit, he has seen to many bad divorces.We have a 13 yr. old daughter together. He wanted me to find a job to help out, so I did. It didn't change anything. He doesn't want me to move out and he isn't moving out. He still wants SEX with me, because it's so good. But he broke my heart and I just can't.I did need help, it's driving me crazy.
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 I guess what is important here is how YOU feel. Are you still 'in love'/feeling the same way about your man?? I imagine knowing he doesn't feel the same about you is having an impact on your self esteem and your confidence when with him...do things seem a bit wrong or weird now he has confessed his feelings?
It is hard to know what would be best in this situation - but the two of you need to work out whether you FIGHT and work hard to salvage the relationship....it may be different but there is nothing to say it couldn't be strong and fullfilling if you take steps to work on it....OR whether you call it quits....
there is a saying that sometimes "love isn't enough"....and I think in this case that may be so...what kind of life will you have if things don;t change but you know your partner isn;t in love with you?? Won't you wind up resenting him, longing for more?? I'm not saying walk away from 17 years without a thought....but I am saying - something has to change - the status quo here isn't OK.
Is your man open to trying to work on the relationship? Could you go to a r'ship counsellor together and use that as a way to determine whether it is worth saving or worth moving on? And how??
I hope things can become a little clearer for you both soon. Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I will anything to straighten this out
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A
female
reader, ButterflyEffect76 +, writes (26 June 2008):
I think I know what your husband means.
I love my hubby to death, but there is no way I would leave him. Having said that, I dont feel the same about him anymore.
We did trial an open marriage but he stopped it, just as I was begining to feel happier in life.
For me, sex with my hubby is a painful chore, yet he wants it all the time from me which I do give it to him.
Can you go on a holiday or something to try and spark it up again??
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