A
female
age
,
*eeCeeM05
writes:Okay, I met someone from Turkey over the internet I did not ask to be his friend he asked me. to make a long story short and numerous phone calls, and 1000 messages later he says that he is in love with me, and I feel the same for him my question and my concern he knows that I am much older than him, he has never asked me for nothing in return. Yet I have heard that all they are after is a visa. He says that fate brought me to him and it was love at first sight,I do not know what to think or do, as he wants to come on holiday to the U.S. to see me and I am afraid, at the same time excited to finally see this man.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Ok here is my take...
stranger things have happened
do not dismiss him JUST because he is younger or from Turkey....
but there have to be some rules
1. DO NOT give him money or pay for his trip in anyway
2. DO NOT go to his hotel room
3. DO NOT have sex with him in any way shape or form
let him plan a trip on his own that includes meeting you as PART of his trip...
"love at first sight" and he's never even seen you... even if he is sincere in his feelings, he's a bit over the top..
in order to have an LDR work you need:
HONESTY
TRUST
COMMITMENT
COMMUNICATION
REGULAR VISITS
AND A PLAN TO END THE GAP.
There is no sense in having an LDR if you can't end it and be together if that's what you want.
Personally I would tell him to
"plan your trip, let me know when you are in my part of the country and we can make plans to meet."
spend a few hours together the first day and if it goes well you can spend a few more hours together the next few days as his visit allows
AGAIN... do NOT go to his hotel room, do NOT have any sexual contact with him, DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY or make any promises EVEN if you feel like you want to...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I think it seems like a "fairy tale" but for now it's all talk, and all fantasy (up to a point). I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou 100% it can easily be that you are in love with the idea of love more then the actual guy.
Should you meet him, maybe, if you take the time to find out more about him first. Are you two of the same spiritual beliefs? Values, morals? Turkey is a fairly modern country, but.... it's a far cry from the US and the lifestyle and pace of the US.
He is visiting you, that is a good thing, you will be on "home turf", however, where does he expect to stay? At your house? At your cost? What if you meet him and he is not who he said he was, or there is no chemistry?
He can easily get a 30 day visa (should cost YOU anything).
How long have you actually "known" him? And how well DO you know him? What region is he from? Faith? Family?
You need to be smart about this.
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A
male
reader, dave2 +, writes (30 November 2011):
My concern is that he wants to come see you. He then strings you alone for a few weeks, and all of a sudden you get a phone call or email saying that his flight got cancelled, and or he is stranded at the airport and needs $2000 to get on another flight.
If he has got the money, then let him spend his money to come be with you. If it costs $3000 for a Visa, let him pay for it out of his money.
However, don't you dare send him $1 no matter how desprite the situation is.
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A
female
reader, Cloud_comp +, writes (30 November 2011):
The most common scams for dating are coming out of Africa, Turkey, and Asia.The REAL problem is when they start asking you for money for their mission, or their church, or the starving children they work for.They will try to also get intimate fast, speaking of marriage fast, and try to insinuate themselves to your house.BUT as I learned dating a person from ANYWHERE requires government approval. Canada to America is JUST as hard as America to Turkey these days. You will pay 3000 dollars in fees to do it right. You will also only have three months to decide you will get married and if you don't, out the person goes.As well, you make a mistake with one international relationship, it pretty much makes you never want to try it again. It's pretty scary being interviewed by the Dept of Homeland Security. So be safe! Think smart!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I agree you should be cautious, but to dismiss it entirely because he "isn't local", would be foolish too. The one's who are scammer's make it harder for the who are genuine. Being cautious is always good, look into getting a background check on him if it's possible for you to do so, and then weigh up all the information and make a decision. It is natural to be scared and worried, but if you don't meet him you may regret it. I am afraid some people just can't handle or understand that limiting yourself to only someone local can mean your missing out on true love. I went out with someone who was local, and he stole from me and left me broke, I have a long distance love now who asks me for nothing in the way of financial matters. He is from England, but scammers can be from anywhere, even LOCAL. It is your decision, but can you live with always wondering "what if"? Be cautious, but don't dismiss every person because of what some scumbags do in life. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (30 November 2011):
Turkey is a friendly country to the USA, he shouldnt need your help for a tourist visa. Staying here forever then yeah he need to marry or apply. I say follow your gut feeling and you want go wrong. Honestly if I were you, I wouldnt trust guys born here either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): He contacted you, how so? On what site?
Either way I agree with CIAR and say, dont' trust him. A man/woman will be as nice as long as they can for whatever they want.
You don't know him from a hole in the ground. He could have a criminal record, be abusive, be sickly. He could even not look and be the man you think he is.
Time to cut him out of you life and find a local man, in the flesh.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I would be very suspicious of this person. Most people seeking a VISA to a western country are not stupid enough to state their intent openly. They want you to believe they're in love otherwise it wouldn't work, would it?
After using your good standing and character reference to get into the country, it would be hard to get him out when he decides he's no longer interested in you.
I'm afraid I don't trust your gentleman friend. Stick to someone local.
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