A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this guy for off and on for about 10 months whom I've never met in person before. We met on a chat line and we hit it off from the very beginning. Throughout the ten months we have had our differences and seen the worst come out of each other! I really feel like I love him and that I can hav a future with him if only he could change his attitude.. When we fought, he's always said really hurtful things u just don't say to someone u say u love..lik it's shocked me some of the things he would say..now I don't know if I should spend money on a plane ticket to go see him or if I should just call it quits. I don't want to regret or wonder what If this or what if that. I'm really scared to meet him cause I don't want him to hurt me because he has hurt me from just our phone conversations. I've showed him pics and he says he's attracted to me but what if wen we meet he's not! He bought a plane ticket to come c me about 4 months into the relationship but something came up to where he couldn't make it.. I'm just so nervous because I don't want to b with someone who will call me a bitch just cuz I pissed him off or say hurtful rude comments just cause were not agreeing! I care about him a lot so I no I need to make a decision soon. Please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): 10 months is a long time of not meeting - I wouldn’t call what you two have a ‘long distance relationship’ by any means; you two haven’t even met yet. And if you did have strong feeling for one another, you two would have acted on that instead of talking about imaginary future events for ten months.
I think you need to realize that this guy is just another online network friend. There may have been a time period where had you two met early, feelings could have grown into something real. But 10 months on and all your doing is fighting isn’t a good sign at all, especially since you two haven’t even touched or talked face to face in real-time.
I asked a girl to be my girlfriend over the phone before we had ever met, but I never considered it a LDR from that point. Since then, we have never argued either, ever.
So forget about this guy and move on, you’ll be doing yourself a favour. (sorry to be so blunt, but this guy doesn't sound all there; wrong for you)
You don't even have to break up with him, because I'm sure he doesn't care. Not a LDR, just online flirting.
A
female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (11 October 2010):
If you have high doubts like that, it means call it off. It's ok for a guy to get angry or made or hurt at or from a girl, but it is NOT ok for them to act on it (that means no name calling). People simply do not do that to people they love. Now, I met a guy online before too. He seemed like a wonderful guy and we both enjoyed talking to each other very much. Whenever we talked, we NEVER yelled at one another or did any name calling or swearing. If one of us hurt the other, we simply told each other that you hurt me and why. If we said or did something the other disliked, we mentioned it in a calm and controlled manner. This relationship lasted for over 2 years, and not once did either of us lose control of our emotions to just outright attack one another. We really liked each other, and because we liked each other, we didn't do those sort of things. You see my point? (DON'T buy plane ticket and block him. You may miss him at first but there is no point in keeping it going if you know it will never work out, because then it will only become harder.)
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A
female
reader, BBee  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Move on. Get away from this guy. Sweetie, listen to yourself. You know this is wrong. He bought a plane ticket, but something came up. He's playing you. You need to know these guys on the internet are not always who they say they are. I hope you didn't send him any money. You should NEVER tell someone you haven't met any personal information about you. NEVER give out your address, phone number, credit card information, working information to anyone on the internet. RUN, BLOCK HIM. These guys prey on women. Don't fall into this trap. PLEASE. They play a game. They tell you things you WANT TO HEAR. Then they say things to hurt you so you will do your best to make them like you and do anything for them. ITS A GAME. He wants something from you. NOT YOU.
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A
male
reader, Emancipator  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 My two cents: It seems like a bad idea to meet this guy. You should NEVER be afraid of your partner, and from your description it sounds that you are. What worries me more, is that you two dont even sound all that close... have you seen pictures of HIM?
When you're in a LDR, its always wise, to make the situation as completely real as possible, and firstly that means making sure the person on the other end of the screen is completely who they say they are. Pictures, videos, phone calls, web cam calls, links to websites in which theyre talked about.... it can be anything really, that cant be mistaken for someone else. That should have happened way before either of you bought or even thought about buying plane tickets.
As I've said in another problem, LDR's are great for finding those people you can trully click with on a deep level, getting to know someones mind through months of talking, can really be a blessing when getting to know someone. However LDRs are NOT for finding simply a partner, who you like enough to date.. Your LDR partner has to be perfect in so many ways- or else when going through those difficult times apart, it all starts to seem worthless. I can't help but feel this guy, with an obviously angry temperament, is not for you. Ive heard LDRs CAN fight however, as its easier to misinterpret sentences and the like over the internet.
I think before you even consider going to see him, you reassess how you feel towards this man, and whether the difficultly of an LDR, is worth it for a man who says "shocking" things to you when you argue. And if you DO decide to go, make sure you are COMPLETELY safe, even consider taking someone along with you and meeting in public places. LDR's can be dangerous afterall, especially if they seem to be as angry as your LDR partner.
Again my two cents though: forget about him and move on dear. All the best Josh.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): You are already unhappy without even meeting him so why meet him?
If you want to satisfy your curiosity, get him to visit you, that way you don't pay the plane fare. And see if he makes it this time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Hi Miss!
Id be glad to help any which I can. I met a GF online too and saw her after seven months of huge ups and downs, with one down where she attempted suicide while I was on the phone with her. I never had such a high and low emotion for any woman yet when it came down to it when I went to visit her the first time...this happened. Please do read it.
http://www.startribune.com/local/98151134.html?elr=KArksUUUoDEy3LGDiO7aiU
Bottom line: Do NOT let any single emotion whether positive or negative as it may be drive your decision making as you will surely be disappointed and hurt. If the relationship doesnt make sense and you will feel that when it happens but will often ignore it...if it doesnt make sense in the mind but it does in the heart, play it safe and dont take the risk. I regret what I did on that day in that article as it was one of the worst weekends Ive ever experienced. Hope I am of some help.
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