A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:Please, tell me I didn't make a huge fool out of myself. As of today it has been 1 yr. since my ex fiance and I broke up. Shortly after he ended it with me after 7 yrs. together he became involved with someone else. I never had a clue what was coming and his only explanation was that he was unhappy. We had planned on being married in July of last yr. but, he ended it 1 mth. before. Although, he claims he was not cheating on me I'm sure he had his sites on her before ending it.They became too heavily involved, too quickly. For the past yr. I have not contacted him in anyway even though I have not stopped loving him. He inturn, has driven by my house and texted me on several occasions which I have ignored throughout this past yr. I know I am stupid for still loving someone who could do such a terrible thing to me but, I can't move past these feelings as hard as I've tried. A day does not go by that I don't think about him.Recently, his gf posted on fb that they have set the date to be married which has thrown me for a loop. When I discovered this it felt like I was back to the first day he broke up with me. I can't believe that he would spend 7 yrs. with me, be engaged to marry me and then a few mths. later be planning on marrying someone else all within a yrs. time.I'm also, confused with the fact that if he is getting married why he continues to drive by my house. For whatever reason, my feelings for him have intensified since hearing of there impending marriage. I have been very anxious, not knowing what to do. Today I let my guard down and sent him a text message saying "Still in my heart...." and once I sent it I felt like I had made a mistake. I felt even worse when I recieved no reply back. I wasn't expecting him to profess his undying love for me but, something would of been nice. I know I have ignored him all this time so I probably deserve no reply from him in return but, if he does not care how I feel than why would he continue to check up on me? Also, a few days ago I passed him on the road and when he spotted me coming towards him he jumped up in his seat and just about broke his next looking at me. The look on his face was of sadness and as if he was waiting for a gesture from me. Now the only response I get is silence. Have I made a grave error in judgement and made a total fool out of myself? What should I do at this point? I know I should get over him and move on but, I just can't seem to do that. Please, your insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Hi, I feel for you and would love to know how you're doing.
I was in a seven year relationship that was mostly long distance and by the end it was mutual to break up; however then I realized how great he was and wanted him back but it was too late and he wasn't sure as he had started to date someone else. Then two weeks ago he emailed to say he's engaged. It hurts and makes me lose all faith in love. He just seemed to need someone so as soon as we broke up, as much as it hurt him as I know it did, he found someone else right away and within a year asks her to marry him. I'm hurt, saddened, and feel like true love and romance doesn't really exist. Plus, he was the smartest person and helped me to accomplish things I wouldn't have otherwise, and with him I travelled the world..which I can't afford to do on my own. It's all pretty devestating. I'd like to hear you're doing better...objectively I read your story and know you should move on, so I guess I need to take that same advice!
A
female
reader, Anmenou  +, writes (23 April 2011):
Hi there, just move on and try to press the delete button. i do know the pain, but its matter of self respect - esteem and human - female pride. i guess its better living alone, i understand it hurts alot after all these years but living in doubts ??? and misery??? Chin up girl smile and life will smile back to U !!!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (23 April 2011):
my guess is that he was seeing her while still officially engaged to you, then broke up with you because he preferred her but once they were "official" things weren't so rosy anymore and now he's regretting that he left you for her.
it does seem fishy that he would be engaged to be married to someone else so quickly, while you and him took 7 years to get to that point. And with only vague explanations given.
But either way, it's probably best (i.e. the most emotionally healthy) for you to move on from him and wipe your hands clean of him. If you need to, move to a different town and don't tell him where you live so he can't' drive by your house. Change your cell phone number so he can't text you. Remove him from your facebook so you won't be subjected to his latest wedding preparations. Avoid places where you know he also frequents.
Chances are that he cheated on you, with her. So even if he were to break off his engagement to her and come back to you, would the new relationship with him be a good one, or would you be plagued by insecurity constantly? Would you be willing to risk having this happen all over again (getting engaged to him again and then having him break it off with you again)?? Do you think that if he left her and came back to you, that you and her would then be switching places and he'd then be driving by her house, texting her etc. You could be sharing him with her if he came back to you. Do you want to go down this road?
therefore I think it's probably better for you to just move on from him. Force yourself to continue ignoring him and not entertain thoughts of "why" is he doing these things and "what if"...? Entertaining those thoughts will prevent you from moving on.
But if you don't want to move on, if you think that he still has serious feelings for you, then now is your last chance to speak up and confront him on it before he marries her. Just be blunt and contact him - not to "hook up" with him and try to lure him back that way, that would be unethical since he's engaged to someone else - but just to ask him to be honest and clarify what's going on and where do you stand with him because his behavior (driving by your house and texting you), is inappropriate and giving you mixed signals. But if you're going to go down this path you must speak up now, or very soon, or you will find yourself in an even bigger mess because once they are married you would be crossing ethical boundaries if you were to speak up then (because you would be trying to break up someone else's marriage) and even if he were to decide he wants to be with you, getting divorced is a much greater obstacle to leaving someone than breaking off an engagement is.
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