A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need someone to reply, it's urgent. REALLY urgent.Ok, so I have been with my bf for about a year. We broke up last April but we still had contact. I was really depressed and did some very nasty stuff which I now regret badly because I was trying to be someone who I am not just to make myself feel better, I guess.Firstly, I did stuff with a guy the day after we broke up (not sex, but I gave him a blowjob). A week later my bf tried getting back together with me by making me a huge surprise. I had to tell him about the guy I had hooked up with (I had no intention of getting back together, though). He was really angry but still wanted to be with me.By that time I was still angry at him and trying to pretend I didn't want him back after the break-up and I told him that.He tried and tried but I don't know, I guess I was trying to lie to myself or something, pretending that I didn't want him anymore because we had hurt each other pretty badly before we broke up.One day, some friends decided they wanted to spend the night doing drugs and drinking and invited me (I had never done drugs before), I met a guy there called Armando. He tried to make things happen between us but I didn't let him. I was so stoned and drunk that instead of having fun, I started crying and that very night was when I realized how much I missed my boyfriend and how that thing I was doing (partying, drinking, drugs, etc) was not what I wanted at all.All this happened between April and May (this year).That day I tried getting in contact with him and we met up and I apologized for everything (I never told him about the night I had, because he would never forgive me for doing such a stupid thing). He told me I had to prove him I regretted hooking up with that guy and hurting him. So I did everything I could, every day I'd give him a hand-made gift (he always loved that), etc. I stopped going to parties, I blocked the friends I had done drugs with out of my life. We finally got back together on August.Now, here's the problem: His best friend's birthday is today. He is throwing a party and he invited both of us.Browsing through his best friend's Facebook pictures I discovered that this guy (Armando) is a VERY close friend of his!!! And he is obviously going to the party. I am so afraid that he will see me and comment something. What should I do?!I do realize that, first of all, I should have never done something as stupid as doing drugs, I know :( But arghhh, I became such a nasty person during those two months, I wish I could take it all back but that's not possible.Second, I never hide anything from my boyfriend, he knows everything about me except that. I should have been honest to him and told him the truth but I am sure that he would never forgive me for that!Please help me out, what should I do? I should not go to the party but I was really looking forward to it... any advice would be great!
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best friend, blow-job, broke up, depressed, drugs, drunk, facebook, got back together Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): I think you should just be honest because it is better to tell him possibly hurting him a bit then rather someone else telling him and him getting mad at the party just because you didn't tell him. You have nothing to worry about if he really loves you he will understand that you were not with him at the time so he can't get mad at you and also nothing happened between you and that guy. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): Hey guys, thanks a lot! I will go to the party. I was awake till 4 am thinking about it and I decided I should face it.
I won't tell my bf about it unless the subject comes up. I honestly did nothing that night, he will be upset about the fact that I did drugs (that's the thing I'm hiding from), but fuck it, I'm a teenager and most people have tried these substances at least one (besides, it was just pot, no hard drugs). That night was just awful and after rejecting Armando, I went straight to bed at about 1am just wishing I was at home on my computer or watching a movie (lol).
And yeah, if I keep running from the past this situation will eventually come up again.
I'll update you on what happens over there tomorrow or when I get back from the party. Thank you, really!!!! :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Tell him what exactly? That you gave another guy a bj when your broke up, partied a little too hard, and that Armando tried to make a pass at you??
There's no need to tell him about the blow job because that happened after you guys broke up. No cheating occurred.
Also, there's no need to tell him about Armando because:
1. Nothing happened between you two.
2. He came onto you.
3. You were SINGLE..again you didn't cheat.
Like Aunt Honesty stated you're only human..people are going to make mistakes. You're not a bad person for it and you certainly weren't hurting anyone.
IMO, I don't deem it necessary to tell your boyfriend about your past mistakes. They don't have anything to do with him. It also wouldn't be dishonest of you. No one was cheated on, no one's feelings are hurt. Well, maybe Armando's ego.
Go to this party..it's doubtful Armando will remember anything(if he was also drunk and on drugs too that night). Besides, all he would have to tell your boyfriend is that you rejected him. That's not something guys want to share with their friends.
To sum it up, you have nothing to confess. You did a few bad things, so what?? Attend the party and don't worry about Armando. Stop being too hard on yourself!
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A
female
reader, Nat34  +, writes (23 September 2011):
I think you should go to the party and just confront the situation head on. That night will come up at some point in conversation and whose to say that you wont be in same situation again where you will bump into this person. Go in there with your head held high, dont get drunk etc. If this guy says anything or threatens to tell your boyf just say 'go for it' and if he does or someone else does, tell your boyf their making it into a way bigger deal and tell him that this guy came on to you and despite the state you were in, you still managed to say no way and after the bj that you told him about, you know better. Stick with your boyf tonight and dint let this guy try and get you alone. Good luck and have a great night x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 This is a decision that you need to make on your own now am afraid. Yes it was a silly thing for you to do but at least now you know that it was wrong and you have learned from your mistake. We all make mistakes in life it makes us who we are. Its up to you now how to deal with it. I guess sometimes honestly is always the best policy. If it comes to it and he does find out tell him how low you where feeling and explain to him why you done it. Tell him you regret it and you have learned from it and I guess then it will just be up to him if he wants to be with you or not.
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A
male
reader, cian  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Honesty is the best policy. If he truly loves you as much as you love him, it won't matter if you tell him. Best he hear it from you than from the other guy.
And, remember, its from when you weren't together... So he can get upset or jealous, but he can't blame you. Just be happy for what you have now.
Lastly, if you decide not to tell him, I would still go to the party. If this other man has any respect for you, and your relationship, he'll know his place is in the past.
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