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anonymous
writes: Hi.For just over a year now I've been seeing a guy who is 14 years older than me. I love this man more than I ever thought was possible but things have become very tough. We were friends for several years before that & from the start I knew he was married. Our relationship was really good at the start. He told me constantly that he loved me and wanted to be with me. The problem was he kept telling me it may take years before he can leave his wife. I thought he was being a typical Married man having an affair but 7 months ago he told me the reason he couldn't just walk out was becuase his wife was dying.I was very shocked & couldn't believe he'd cheated on her at this time. The reason he'd told me at this point is becuase she'd found out we were seeing eachother. She took him back and we split up for a while. Things got nasty between us but he eventually felt he had to explain. During this time we'd split they'd also been told it wasn't years like they originally thought but months - a year max!He said he loved me and wanted to be with me but we had to remain friends cause as he put it he didn't want her thinking bad things when she died! The problem is now he wont even tell me he loves me. I say it to him and he says he just cant think it. It makes me feel so rejected. I'm sure emotionally he is all over the place. He tells me he wants to be with me still but can't say he loves me? He wants to have sex but we're just friends? I'm sure he does love me deep down but I have this terrible feeling of jealousy. That even when his wife is gone I'll be 2nd best. I'm so afraid that I'll never mean as much to him as she did and that we will never be that close. I love him more than anyone in the world and wish he felt the same back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2005): Does he really love you? Ask yourself this, if you were in a relationship and you felt that you didnt love them any more, would you stay around? This man sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it at the same time. If he wants to be friends, then thats fine, but is it fair on you and your feelings. Him wanting sex, while you are both 'friends' is inconsiderate and putting more pressure on you once again. My advice to you would be this. Put your glad rags on, and go out and find somebody who will truly love you, and who will want to be with you because they REALLY DO LOVE YOU, and not want you when they get bored with their wife! Your better then that!!
A reader, jessie, writes (26 January 2005): well first of all if he does love you he would be with you regardless of his dying wife, no woman in her right mind would want a man who was in love with someone else. I think to this man you are a booty call and by the sounds of things always will be i know its hard to come to terms with but im know 100% you can do a million times better you will see!
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