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writes: I am just about to start a new college abroad and my boyfriend is staying here but we're definitely going to stay together. I was just wondering whether anybody had any useful tips on long distance relationships - and how to make it work? I love him so much and I don't want us to accidentally drift apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): Well, I don't want to be the pessimistic one here, after reading hannieseds' answer, but there is another side to the long-distance story. I know from experience that even if you love someone more than anything in the world, distance can really turn things sour. My fiance` joined the Air Force and it was very hard for him to go, especially when the first month and a half we couldn't communicate except for the occaisional letter. We started being able to talk on the phone daily, but it seemed like after a little while we just ran out of things to talk about. We started arguing a lot, over absolutely nothing, and then the "maybe we shouldn't get married" talks started. It got so bad that we broke up for a few weeks. After we realized our mistakes and what went wrong, we decided to give it another try. I'm not saying this is what will happen to you, I'm just saying that long distance relationships aren't easy so don't let this happen to you. If you begin to feel frustrated with your sweetheart when you are on the phone with him, try and keep positive while you can. Definately pick your battles. Write down things that are bothering you so that you can bring up only the most important of issues. Remember to remain cheerful when you talk to him and even be a little flirty. Make your phone calls a fun thing for the two of you, not a hassle, like the phone calls between me and my fiance` became. Make sure he knows that he is cared about and missed and you're still happy to be with him. I hope I didn't make you worried about this, it definately can be done, just don't let what happened to me happen to you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay for you and him. Take care!
~RJGirl
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reader, hannieseds  +, writes (20 August 2006):
 Hey there Signe,
Congratulations on giving the long-distance thing a try! It really can work and is very easy if the love between the two of you is worth it.
I had known my man for many years before we got together, then I went over to New York (he stayed in New Zealand) for 2 years and we are still going strong 3 years after I have been back.
It is the easiest thing in the world when you have the love that we have. There was no question of not waiting for each other because the love we have is so strong. Of course it sucked more than anything in the world to be apart and the phone bills were horrible!
We had a date every week at the same day/time that we would talk on MSN messenger for about 5 hours, we never ever missed it. Of course there were other times we did as well, but if you have a set time and day every week you talk over the net (soo much cheaper!) then you can share your weeks worth of news and events. If it is scheduled you can't miss it! We talked on the phone almost everyday but that was only short calls because of the expense!
Little packages and surprises kept me going and we were always sending each other hand-written letters.
It can work out if both of you want the same thing and can handle the distance for a while.
Best of luck! xxx
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