A
female
age
41-50,
*eantown
writes:I am looking for advice on dating a Turkish man. We met on match.com a couple weeks ago, and have gone on 2 dates (both times we spent hours together talking) he is kind, charming, funny, polite and overall seems like a wonderful man. All I know about his so far is that he moved here from Istanbul 4 months ago and he is in school to learn English (although he already speaks fairly well) so that he can expand his stock trading company to the US. He is 37 (I'm 28) and he lost his fiance in a car accident 3 years ago. He is an only child and his family owns a nice home with servants in Istanbul. He is Protestant. He seems to really like me and does not mind expressing that, and tells me how important I am to him already. He also very openly talks about the fact that he wants to find a wonderful, kind women to be his wife so he can start a family. When I am with him I do not doubt his intentions, but after reading a lot online about "turkish love rats" I am very concerned. It seems like some Turkish men are able to be amazingly charming and even have you fall in love with them and marry them, then they become possessive and maybe cheat?? Anyone that has any advice would be so helpful. Thank You!
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female
reader, beantown +, writes (20 January 2011):
beantown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your thoughtful response and link to more stories, I appreciate your time, and will definitely put a lot more thought into everything.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Your main concern with a Turkish man is him wanting to get married purely for a Visa/American citizenship. I have been on this site for years now and all the stories I have seen of Turkish men, with women asking similar questions to you - they ALL follow up with the same thing - he was trying to get a Visa/Citizenship and he never really loved me.
He has only been in the US 4 months - that is a big warning sign. To sign up to a dating service before he has even got his English sorted out and before he has sorted his business out - in my opinion he has no intention of doing these things, he is just going to find someone through a dating site as quickly as he can and get married, then he has automatic citizenship and wont have to leave. If he was serious about setting up in the US on his own and expanding his business, he would have learnt English fully before he arrived and there is no way he would be on a dating site so soon after moving to the US - he would have sorted his business out first so that he had a way of staying in the US on a work visa.
But instead, as soon as he arrives in the US what does he do? Go on a dating site and talk about wanting to meet a woman to be his wife. He sounds like all the other Turkish men - very charming, talks a good talk and can fool any woman into thinking she is special when all he wants is a gullible woman that will fall hook line and sinker for his lies, so he can get his Visa and stay in the US.
Here are some of the more recent posts on DC about Turkish Men - read and have a good think for yourself about this man:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-this-turkish-man-trying-to-con-me.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-turkish-guy-wants-me-to-be-his.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husband-is-already-married-did-he-marry.html
At the end of the day it is totally up to you what you want to do - if you really do trust him and are sure his intentions are honest then fine, but remain cautious. Never give him any money, do not talk about marriage or moving in together any time soon and just take things slowly. If he really is being honest, has a good business and wants to be with you - then he will happily wait before taking things further. The best test for Turkish men is just to take things slow, and see if they stick around. You will find most of them (if they are using the woman for a visa etc) will quickly get fed up if their woman is not falling for their lies, so they move on pretty fast. So test him by not moving past the 'dating' stage any time soon, and see if he sticks around.
If his business is as good as it sounds, and he genuinely is in the US for that reason - he will have no problem getting a visa and will not bring up marriage any time soon. But if he starts talking about marriage quickly, then it will become obvious he is using you for that reason.
Be careful, and dont let this relationship move too quickly. Then you should be fine.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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