A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I would like some advice on how I can move out of my parents house. Id like to get out ASAP. My household is pretty dysfunctional. My parents always fight, my dad drinks, they both verbally abuse me and question my every move. My dad has tried to get physical with me a couple of times lately for no reason. It's stressful for me. I can't focus on my studies, which is so important to me. I'm worried that I just can't make it on my own. In fact I know I cant. I've only had my job for 5 months, and it's not a stable job. I also live in a pretty expensive state. You have to make 3x the money of the monthly rent. For example, if the rent is 800 you have to make 2,400. I make around 1,500... There's just no way.My buddy and I were thinking about getting renting a condo or apartment in the area. Neither of us can think we can make it on our own in the real world. With all of the bills, food, gas, car expenses, we just don't think we're ready.How did you guys move out for the first time? Do you have any advice for us?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2015):
 I think it's pretty common to reach a time/age where you want to be out on your own.
BUT you HAVE to be realistic about what you can afford. You mention sharing a condo... A condo is more the $800, I BET you. Then you have to add utilities which can be from $100-400 a month. Food, if you have a car, insurance, phonebill, (now cable & internet/wi-fi you can cut til you can afford it) but you have to eat. You have to pay your rent, utilities, insurance, car maintenance, gas.......
Sit down and make a budget. See what you can actually afford.
Start by renting a room. Sharing a place with a friend can be a hit or miss. If one of you lose their job then what? Then you are both out of luck and will have to move out. Which really isn't a good solution.
Save up money, get a second job if you can. That will be your rainy day money (in case the car breaks down, in case you lose your job)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): A lot depends on whether you are planning to go to university or not - obviously, if you are, then you can live in halls on the campus or find a house-share with other students.
If you are not planning to go to university then a couple of other options would be:
a. whatever studies you are doing now, find a quiet place outside of the home, to study. Your local library may have a room just for this purpose - and it may feel weird to you at first, but I suggest use it, or find a similar quiet place to do your studies in. That way you protect your study time from your parents.
b. If your job is not that stable and doesn't offer much opportunity for promotion/advancement, why not consider doing volunteer work abroad for six months to a year AFTER you complete whatever you are studying for at the moment. This will provide accommodation and food AND will look great on your CV. You will need to google to find info. on volunteering organisations.
c. Could you find a job where accommodation is included in the job - such as a school caretaker, or a care assistant for people who need someone to be on site to help them - eg. an old folks home or a home for people with learning difficulties.
d. Another option is to seek help, immediately, from your doctor and in regard to the verbal and - it seems - physical abuse. You will need emotional and psychological support with this and it's best to seek it sooner rather than later. If you do subsequently have to prove to anyone - eg. assisted housing - that you are under threat at home, then it will be a doctor and/or a counsellor recommended by the doctor who will be able to back up what you say. Quite often priority is NOT given to young men unless they are in real danger, for example for being gay and receiving homophobic threats. But if you are in danger from your father then it is a matter of having this certified by a professional, in order to be eligible for housing, rather than you just stating that this is the case and hoping that someone will believe you.
e. I agree it's great that you have a friend that you are considering moving into a home with. But at your age it really is still very difficult on a practical level. However, far better to be with someone else that you like and can talk to than trying to face things alone at this young age. Is there another friend you could get together with who might be willing to 'rough it' for a bit in a shared flat or house? In this sense there is some safety in numbers as it will be chepare to live with others.
f. Remember though, that young men and women of your age can sometimes be incredibly entrepreneurial. Not to pressure you more than you already are - and of course your studies must come first - but is there anything that the two of you could put your heads together on and set up as a business? You will make far more money working for yourself, if you can find the right niche market, compared with working for someone else and often if you just start small. If you live in an expensive area, this suggests to me that people are relatively affluent, so wouldn't mind paying for services that make their life easier. You don't say what you do in your current job, but if there is any way that you can set up a similar service yourself then you have a longer term chance of making more money - but no job security straight away. It's worth bearing in mind that you can attend courses on how to set up a business. And look to the things that people ALWAYS need, to get your ideas for what you could provide - eg. water, gas, electricity, clothes, food, travel and communication services. Any service making any of these things easier for people to deal with will stand a good chance. What is the general population of your area like? Retired people with money to spare eg. on gardeners or dogwalkers? Could you offer a general handyman service to a few of these households? Or are they younger and commuting to jobs so time hungry? Even things like getting your food hygiene certificate (takes one day usually) and selling home made sandwiches next to the station might work - you'd be amazed how many commuters don't have the time to do this but still want home made stuff - try to get creative with your ideas and something may come of it. YOu could even do some market research, simply get a questionnaire together and ask people what kind of services would make their lives easier - if you have the same people saying the same thing then, there's your chance.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Hi there,
i really feel for you! I am a Mother, i have 1 son, who is a few years older than you & i cannot imagine what your life must be like right now.
You would be better off moving out, after what's happening @ home & if that's your preference @ this stage of your life.
I would recommend that you try to find a room to rent, within another persons home, or as previous readers have said, ask any of your relatives that you feel comfy around & that you trust.
I am certain that under the circumstances & if you explain everything clearly, honestly, openly, they may wish to assist/help you with boarding accomodation, but do pay a weekly rental fee.
Never expect freebies, bec when you're eventually out there on your own, you will have to pay either way & you obviously know this.
I would also recommend that you ring an organisation that assists those who are suffering @ the hands of abuse (any kind) & those qualified to do so, will give you tips, pointers, advice on what's best for you to do, bec you are so young & have not enough money @ present to do it all on your own.
Here in Australia, we have organisations like, Lifeline, Beyond Blue, etc;
Do some online research & check out what's available to you for help.
Have you thought of ringing your local council to chat with them about your dilemma & perhaps they could recommend people, ph nos, for you to ring.
You may get advice on cheaper accomodation, rooming in with somebody.
To be honest, after reading your entire story, you would be better off moving out of your parents home asap, esp if violence is not becoming an issue.
You are a young male & you should be able to tell your parents directly that you're sick of their constant bickering, that you feel they are not setting a good example of great parenting skills.
Let them both know the truth, that their respective behaviours are affecting you & your ability to study/focus & that you intend to move out asap & if your dad continues to threaten &/or abuse you, you are absolutely within your rights to go to your local police station & tell them what is occurring @ home & they may be able to send an officer out to your home, to chat with your dad.
In v serious cases, you are given the option of having a restraining order placed against the perpatrator.
What you do in the end, is entirely up to you, as a young adult & a young man, but i would highly recommend that you do whatever you must do to protect yourself & that of your mother, if you are concerned about her safety & welfare too.
I would google as much info as possible, regarding cheaper accomodation.
I wonder if you've even thought about renting out a cabin, which looks like an actual room that has all modern cons etc;, but these cabins are adjoined to a caravan park & are becoming more & more popular with younger males, who have become displaced through divorce,job loss, violence etc;
In Aust, we have these facilities available to us, although few & far between.
Do check that out too.
You could even ring your local Human Services Dept in your local area, as they're great for assisting in your situation.
Even if they have no current accomodation, they may be able to recommend something to you.
If you don't ask around, you'll never know what's out there.
Your local churches, although you may not be religious, are great avenues to ring too, as they offer help to those who are displaced & financially tight.
Salvation Army in Australia, is 1 example.
Please keep in touch & let me know how you get on & above all, do not accept, nor tolerate violence in any form or shape. Stand your ground.
Good luck! :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): Definately look for a good roommate. My first apartment I shared with a girl from my work, it was great for both of us since we were both just starting out & not paid very much.
Great that you have a friend already in mind. Also check on college campuses for fliers, sometimes students advertise a room for rent, or are looking for roommates there.
Also, until the time when you can leave, SAVE SAVE SAVE! you will want to have a bit of a cushion to cover 1st month rent & security deposit, not to mention any incidental stuff you may not have thought about for the apartment.
Also, make sure to take your job seriously. Don't take time off unless absolutely necessary, and pick up extra shifts or help where you can. You will absolutely need to have that job or one like it when you are out on your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): Have you considered living with your grandparents and paying them rent? Do you have any aunts and uncles who's kids are grown-up have already moved out? Offer to pay, don't expect to freeload. You'll have to explain to them why; it won't be airing your dirty laundry. You need help.
At your age, it is better to see if you can find a relative with an extra bedroom first. It's no secret to the rest of your family your parents are having problems. You're just not financially able to handle living on your own just yet.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2015):
 You may not be able to rent an apartment on your own. However, there are many people who rent out a room in their houses to people, or there are houses looking to have multi-people rent shares. Those are very inexpensive, and as long as you're drug free and aren't prone to property damage or wild living, it's very doable.
Your other option is - are you in college? Living on campus is possible if you go to that sort of university.
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