A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I reunited after our breakup back in November. We were hanging out enjoying each others company, almost like it was new and exciting again. He started to become distant and having less contact with me in the past few weeks. I asked him what was going on and he said he doesn't want to "get my hopes up" and he never see us getting back together. I feel like the break up is happening all over again, I'm confused and hurt. How could he tell me he loved me and missed me and was so glad I was back in his life to only leave again? I feel so rejected by the man I am in love with. I thought it was fate that brought us back, after our fist break up I felt like I would never get over him. And I'm starting to feel down in the dumps again feeling like I can't live without this man. I am totally heartbroken.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): I'm going through the same thing. Soveryconfused has it down to a 'T'. You are still the same person you always have been. He is the one with the problem here so put it back to him. Its a painful process but we are in it together. I'm hurting like hell but it will be ok. One day at a time...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 February 2014):
 It is VERY rare that a couple that breaks up gets back together and makes it work.
Sounds to me like he gave you the "I'm not sure what I want let's take it day by day and see what happens" line in lieu of "let's be FWB so I can get laid and still look for other girls"
NOW you are trying to pin him back into a relationship and he's realizing that's NOT what he wants so he's back peddling.
I don't doubt that he cares about you... but NOT the way you want/need.
I know you are in pain. Here is my plan:
step one: order a copy of the awesome paperback book "A fine romance" written by dr. Judith Sills. PhD and read it. KEEP IT on your NIGHT TABLE and read it over and over. I read it back in the early 90s and it was a life saver for me. NO relationship is PERSONAL. HIS behavior is NOT a reflection of you or a statement about YOU... it's all about HIM. Thinking a relationship is NOT personal is probably one of the hardest things we can learn but it's crucial to maintaining your sense of self.
step two: THIS ONE IS CRITICAL AND THE MOST PAINFUL You must take control of your life and go NO CONTACT with this man. NO you cannot be friends. NO you cannot keep in touch. NO YOU CANNOT PROMISE "I'll be there for you if you need me" IT may be true later on but there is little hope of you two remaining friends. Later on you may be friendly but for RIGHT NOW you say to him "I'm sorry I misinterpreted our getting back together. It's too painful for me to have contact with you, please respect my request as I need for us to have NO CONTACT at all." then you delete him from your phone and block him. You unfriend him on social media AND BLOCK HIM... NO PEEKING at his page. You block his email or send it all right to the trash. NO contact means just that NO phone, no voice, no text, NO CONTACT... and no having your friends spy on him for you.
step 3... take SIX WEEKS and MOURN. CRY CONSTANTLY. write long long long letters that you can either burn or seal up in envelopes with notes that say "do not open until February 2025" and put them in the bottom of a drawer you never open. You have my permission to not wear makeup when you go out, rather subbing in large dark sunglasses even indoors. Watch movies that make you cry, eat ice cream from the container.. obsess about him with your girlfriends that are willing to listen (but explain first that it's a 6 week program so could they please indulge you for 6 weeks). Eat what you want.. do nothing or everything..or anything... as long as YOU DO NOT CONTACT HIM... no driving past his house, no trying to run into him... NO CONTACT means just that.
step four... after 6 weeks it's time to "pull up your big girl panties" and get on with life... slowly... time for hair and makeup again if you wear it.. time to start going out with the girls again.. time to put on a smile for strangers... go back to the gym if you stopped.. START if you weren't going, take a class, clean out your closets...
I have had my heart ripped out before and this was the plan my BFF gave me... must have been around 1994 or so... I still remember the pain of realizing that after 4 years of on and off we were done... and he never loved me. I was destroyed. I've run into him a few times over the years since then... and now it does not hurt at all.
YOU WILL SURVIVE... the longer you avoid the GO NO CONTACT the longer you will hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): Advice for a broken heart...a new pair of frilly knickers, sexy perfume,exotic hair do a phone call to a happy go lucky friend and start to wash this waste of space out of your exotic hair do.
Life is too short to waste on somebody that CLEARLY does not want you. As hard as it sounds it is simple logic, if somebody 'wants' you, they will move heaven and earth to be with you. Why settle for luke warm non descript saddo relationships when your soul mate may be just around the corner waiting, you won't meet anyone sat at home waiting for this damp squid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): Listen to me, hun. YOU WILL GET OVER THAT ASS! I'm sorry i called him an ass, but he deserves it! How dare he do that to you. To any girl, actually. he does not deserve your love. he's probably somewhere laughing at you. So tonight, get some girlfriends over, get a nice bottle of wine, cook a meal and just chill. You don't need him, trust me. He's a loser, and you're a winner! You've already taken the first step by asking for advice. There's an article on here written by a very good advisor, WiseOwlE. he's written an article on how to survive a breakup, you should read it. The article won't let you down, I promise. good luck, and remember, he's the loser, you're the winner! now get out there girlfriend! kick his sorry butt! x!
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