A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I began a new job back in October - which was my first real directing title. At the time I was given a number two as well as any other team members I needed to develop the area. In the beginning it was very hard for me and my no.2 to see eye to eye. We are both very different large personalities. As time has gone on we have naturally developed a bond and learnt about each other and how to work with one another. As he has progressed I have placed more trust in him and now look at him more as an equal than below me. We rely, communicate work well and our ideas just bounce off each other. Last week he had made the team schedule and completed my days off and advised he gave me a specific day off so he could take me out in the local area. I agreed and thought no more of it. The day before we are meant to go out he asks what my plans are with getting home as I live a good distance away from work, he advised it would be better for me to stay in his place which we agreed. Lots of food and cocktails later we get back to his place have a few more drinks. We end up sleeping together. Initiated by him, it was never my intention going out with him,Honestly for the length of time we have worked together I have always appreciated that he was good looking, but was never attracted to him. But once we kissed that changed. The next day we woke up and made two rules. 1. This is not a big deal 2. This never happened. Both fine by me. We both went into work that morning a little worse for wear from the late night and spent the day as normal with one another in work. Once I left to go home I started to think over everything and how it happened why it happened. I usually over analysis over think things. The next day I brought it up with him. I was honest and just said that I felt like we needed to talk about it otherwise I would over think it. He said it was never his intention to pursue me but it just happened, he also feels like we have such a open honest relationship that he felt comfortable trying this. He said he wanted to do it again which I thought would be fun. But since then there has been no further discussion on there being another time. We speak every day still regardless of where we are on duty on not with relation to work projects etc so there is constant professional communication I guess. Our work relationship has not been affected. My problem is now that I've developed an attraction, feelings for him and I don't know if this was just a one time thing heat of the moment but maybe he just felt uncomfortable saying this to me when I brought up the subject ( I am regardless of how we work together still his superior) I feel a little bit stuck and don't want to broach the subject? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): These kinds of on-the-job flings leaves you vulnerable to so many unforeseen-calamities, implications, and liabilities to your company. Inadvertently, you've compromised yourself in your position of authority. How can you now evaluate or discipline without bias? How can you stay focused and impartial when he makes huge mistakes?
You take the ultimate responsibility for your team. He's sleeping with the boss!!!
I am also a regional-director of a large business. Over the years, I've seen people compromise their positions; and witnessed good men and women fall. Over this very kind of mistake in judgement. You're in a new position! You're still proving yourself!
You're attaching your feelings to the sex; and now he has a means of manipulation. He could say he felt his position depended on submitting to your advances. Now it's he said/she said. Can you guarantee he doesn't have ulterior-motives, and this whole thing isn't a set-up!
News flash! That's why bosses shouldn't sleep with employees!!! Especially, when you work for other bosses; and you don't own the business! You place your credibility on the line; and give power over to the employee, who could decide your fate. Cross him, and who knows how he will react to it. You just might go back to butting heads. Now he has leverage.
Write it off! Do not attempt any sort of clandestine relationship; because it will get in the way of your professionalism. You've set yourself up. How do you know he's not eyeing your job? How do you know he's not setting you up for a grand sexual-harassment suit? Seems paranoid, but you just don't know. That's why you don't let your hormones and impulses override your judgement, when you make the big-bucks! I love my perks, salary, and bonuses!
Tell him it's all cool, let's get back to business as usual; and don't bring-up anything about "feelings!" I wouldn't compromise my hard-earned position for a roll in the sack with my next in-command. No way!
I worked my way up the hard way; and I'm not handing anybody a short-cut to the top, or a juicy-settlement in a lawsuit!
It was a slip. You can recover, if you just stay focused on getting the job done. This is not a scare, you're equipped to handle straightforward advice. Please use it!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2018):
 Nope it's over and done with.
Basically, it was a mistake. Talking about it... won't change that it was a mistake.
LEARN from this. Don't go home with "some" man, don't DRINK with "some" man. Don't have sex with a coworker.
Put on the "pretend it never happened" mask and carry on.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 Don't broach the subject again.
You're a recent hire, his superior and he's already said 'no'. It would be very easy for him to accuse you of sexual harassment, which it is and would be frowned on if your roles were in reverse.
Apart from being his superior, the responsible thing to do is respect someone's boundaries.
Maybe he just needs time to process the experience, but chances are he really doesn't want an official relationship. He arranged the course of events in such a way that sleeping with him seemed inevitable.
Nip those feelings in the bud. Drop the topic, assume it's a one off and never mention it again. And don't bring potential problems to work.
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