A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I broke up with my gay lover a few months ago. We were together for 8 years and the relationship was beautiful for the first few years. My lover loved me so much that he gave everything to me, even at the expense of sacrificing a lot things for himself. He took very good care of me to the point of making me dependent on him. From the beginnning, he took charge of all our finances and budgeting. I had a not-so-stable job then and I think he liked it that way coz I depended on him a lot. He would be happy because I could just easily resign from my job whenever he wanted to travel for a month or two. When I finally got a job that I liked and was making a bit more money, he did not like it very much. He would tell me that I did not have to save money for my future because he can support me (actually, he couldn't). Instead, he wanted me to spend my hard-earned money on trips abroad with him and so I can go gambling at the casino with him.He always thought about me before himself (so I thought). As for me, I loved him and gave him what I can afford to give. I left some for myself but it came to a point that he was demanding more from me. I admit, I had been lazy and became comfortable in the relationship. But I never took advantage of his generosity and his good heart (???). In the past 4 of years, things have changed. He started hating people in general. According to him, he gives and gives to people but noone is there when he needed anything from people. He got into fights with co-workers, friends and family. And I have been placed in compromising situations between him and my friends. Almost everything around him became negative. Even when he meets up with his family, he'd regret it later on and tell me that he only went to the family gathering because he knew that family is important to me. He would embarrass me alone or whenever we are with my friends. Despite that, I tried to support him and stuck by his side, only to realize that I was becoming an emotional punching bag for him. He started complaining about the littlest of things about me. I told him to seek help but according to him, he doesnt need help. I dont think he ever saw his problem. When I asked for a break from the relationship so I could look at it from a different perspective, he did not take it very well and decided to break-up with me. We had an exchange of hurting words but now, we have both stopped contacting each other. I loved him because I know he is a good person deep inside. However, I also realize that he cannot love me because he doesn't love himself. Everytime something doesn't go his way, he would say its because of his bad luck. During our last years together, it became worse as he made me feel useless. Everyday, I would live with him and see how downward he's moving. He always talks about his bad pasts and how people have been bad to him. People around him have hurt him in the past. I am not one to intentionally do that because it is not in my nature. For now, I think the break up is good for me because I am able to gain back my self-respect and self-worth.Should I move on or wait for him to realize what he is losing? Appreciate your advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Dunno man but I mean if the times you two had together were real and you feel that way and if you do truly love him then talk to him about it about his feelings and stuff.....I guess he was having a bad time maybe smthn bad happened to him? Like come on~ we are men... We can sometimes be inconsiderate and despicable lol but deep down we ain't that bad! If you truly do love him and if he feels the same way then things should work out... Express yourself! I'm not telling you to go back to him and kiss his boots and I understand you need some self worth but meh only you can make things happen between you two and I'm just giving my opinions~ but ask yourself if you really do love him and are you willing to give him a second chance kuz 8 years is something.... Well Good Luckk x)
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 everyone is wrong but him, its always your fault or his family or bad luck... does he take responsibility for the outconmes of his actions. for examply if i was driving to fast and couldn't brake in time and hit an old lady it wouldn't be "bad luck" solely, it would also be "my fault".
gambling holidays/ casinos/ control freak/ everyone hurts him (yet he didn't cause their bahaviour in any way whatsoever)or is disliked by him
antisocial behaviour
get out!!!
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A
female
reader, anongirl +, writes (11 March 2010):
I think it sounds like he is going through something that only he can understand, it almost sounds like he was pushing you away and it was frustrating him a bit that he was doing that without being able to control himself to stop it. You could move on with your life, do things for yourself and begin to build yourself back up and continue to wait for him. If it starts to look like he won't go back to how he was before, maybe what's best for you is to just move on completely. Only to keep yourself safe, maybe get in touch with him a little here and there just to check up on him and make sure he knows that you do still care and that he still has a huge chunk of your heart.
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