A
male
age
41-50,
*rangeslices505
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm engaged and getting married to my girlfriend of six years in about a month. However, her behavior in the past six months have really worried me. One personality trait that I have always despised all my life is close mindedness. She has really started to show this trait especially since early today when she would not take responsibility and own up for running late. She always makes excuses for everything, which is something I can't stand. Everything for the wedding is already set up but I dont want to end up marrying someone im going to resent. However, other then that she is a perfectly great girlfriend, so perfect for me and kind and giving. Are there points in the relationships when you just have to take the bad with all the good? Or am I just going to end up miserable? I really believe that I could not find another woman more perfect for me except that she has the very big problem of just always making excuses, and not owning up for anything. We've talked and argued about this and she continues to make excuses. I don't want to marry someone who is as closeminded as her, but I don't want to be with anyone else either. Please, please help!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Marriage is without a doubt the single biggest and most impactful decision on anyones life. Who you chose will go further in determining the happiness you have in life than any other single decision you will ever make.
With that in mind, my advice to you is if you are not 100% sure (and your head telling you that you are sure, not just your heart) then dont do it. I have used that advice myself before and each time I look back Im so glad I made the right choice.
Marriage is something gotten into is not easily gotten out of. When children are involved IMO its never really gotten out of. Use your head first - then your heart, and you probably wont go wrong.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): I really really hope that she is having second thoughts about the man she is getting ready to marry? You don't sound meture enough to handle a girlfriend boyfriend realionship let alone a marrage. Please give her a chance to find a good, desent, kindhearted, caring and understanding husband, someone more like herself. You are abusive to her I can tell and you also have a temper. I know this. For this reason alone she feels the needs to make up excuces for anything her dose or dosent do. It's men like you that marry people they feel they can take advantage of. I feel horrible for anything you have done or will do. You need help...really
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 If you have found the ideal girl who is perfect for you, kind and giving- and you question your relationship because she has one character flaw- then you are the closeminded one !
What do you expect , perfection ? Total irreproachability ?
Those things do not pertain to humans.
You might say : yes, but that is the ONE thing that I absolutely can't stand in people, the one thing that drives me nuts. Then why do you pair with a girl who has precisely that flaw,-and why did you put up with it for six long years ?
I think, and hope, that these are just prenuptial jitters.
I am sure if you learn to be more flexible - she won't feel like she is on trial every times she makes a mistake, and on turn she will become less defensive and more flexible too in admitting she was wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): I think you will have to just accept that she is like that, although it does sound really realy annoying.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Relationships are not perfect. This is something you have to accept if you love her. I don't know her age but some people learn and grow quicker and slower than others. But taking responsibility is a sign of leadership. She may be lacking some leadership skills and this probably reflects on her career as well. You could ask her to do a course on management or leadership where you learn that making a mistake is not a bad thing it's the ability to accept responsibility that matters and forms the success of the future.
I would not worry too much she will grow out of it someday but you also need to accept that it's her flaw and your weakness so best to avoid situations where these things could happen that cause it.
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