A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Everyone,I knew this girl from elementary school and were were always just friends. I went away to college and came back home the next summer, we were together everyday and fell in love quick and over the next five years became best friends. Last summer we decided to take a break, some time off from one another, we kept getting into fights about small stuff and it was starting to drive us crazy. She had just gotten accepted into grad school and said she just needed some time to herself, to not be in a relationship, especially since she was meeting all these new people in her class, basically told me I was holding her back.We stopped talking everyday like we were used to, and 2 months later she started dating someone else. This killed me. After a few talks, some effort to get her back, i decided to cut off all contact with her completely. A year later, she's made 2 attempts to talk to me, she's still seeing the same guy, but I'm not feeling any better, she's the first thing I think of when I wake up and haunts my mind all day. I feel like such a bitch, but I'm a mess. I've gotten to the point where I think I'm going to go back on my promise to myself, and try and reach out to her soon. I just don't want it to make it worse on myself. I honestly feel like she's the one for me and I just want to be with her again.I've seen other girls, and dated a great one, but she still doesn't compare to my ex. I'm going nuts.Should I try and talk to her again? Try and get her back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 You could try to talk to her.. but not try to get her back. But talking to her might help, because perhaps when you talk again, you will feel nothing. Maybe over the year, you've built up some shiny image of her, you remember only the good things, and forget the bad. What if when you talk to her, your heart doesn't skip a beat, she's not that interesting to talk to, you don't have much to say to each other? Maybe that's what you need to be able to move on.
I think you've idealized her at least. She's above and beyond comparison to all other women on earth. But, the truth is that if she was perfect for you and meant to be.. she'd not need space away from you. There's nothing wrong with you, and you could be a wonderful person... but you gave your heart to the wrong girl. Try to gather up the pieces you can and build it up again.
Admire her, sure, and have a friendly love for her. Talk to her and see how it goes and how it makes you feel. Maybe you're just missing her as a friend, and confuse it with missing her as a girlfriend. When we lose track of a dear friend of ours we also grieve.
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