A
male
age
41-50,
*mallworld
writes:At the beginning of this year I happened upon the woman of my dreams. Actually it was her parents that I met initially, we were both killing time during a particularly long airport layover and became good friends.We talked about our homes and families and I was shown a picture of the object of my affections. I spoke to her briefly on the phone, and after I got home we have communicated somehow at least several times a week since.She lives 4000 miles from my home but I have been to see her and her family twice (she is a student working to pay for her studies and it's difficult/expensive for her to travel too) When I actually met her it was wonderful, we got along so well and nothing on earth could have prepared me for just how beautiful she is, or what a beautiful person she is. There might be 10 years between us as well, but she's very mature for her age, we like similar things, have the same sense of humour, even a lot of the same personality traits. In short I LOVE her!!!! She is the last thing I think of when I go to bed and the first when I wake up, she means the earth to me.Personally I work overseas (even further away) but get significant periods of time off. Last time I was there she even suggested that I moved there during my time off, I'd love to, I love her, I love the place and now have lots of friends there.So what the hell is wrong? I hear you all cry. She's naturally shy, we haven't had the opportunity to spend that much time together and I scared rigid about ruining what I already have. I wouldn't normally write something like this but I care so much about her and want more than anything to be with her and make her happy. I need advice! Especially from girls! What should I do? How should I approach this?Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to respond.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 As they say, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. If she does return your feelings why would she start seeing someone else? She'll keep a part of her heart for you only, so that when the time is right you can be a part of her life.
Things in life don't pass you by unless you ignore them. Moving over to hers, but taking your time to do it properly, is not the same as ignoring it or letting it pas you by. Put your sensible hat on, do it right and properly, and then take it as it comes. It's not crazy to move to her. By all means do! But make sure you have a proper place to live, somehow can make an income etc. Also make a plan B, in the case that you and her don't work out you will stil be able to get by, that you're not ruining your life you know. Be sensible to some degree, and then romantic to some degree ;)
A
male
reader, smallworld +, writes (31 December 2010):
smallworld is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl, Thank you so much for your well thought our response.
I understand your point about the maturity thing. I know that nobody is perfect and has their own limitations etc, She's definitely an adult in her own right. You'd know exactly what I meant if you met her...
I know she was serious about moving... I even sat with her and her brother whilst they told me what a fantastic place to live it was. It's also something I want to do so I think we at least have a plan there!
I don't know if she truly loves me, I know she likes me at least, having met her twice, the first time was a little overwhelming to start with even if we had communicated daily for about 6 months, the second time I didn't get to stay long - even though she was really busy she made so much time for me. It really hasn't felt like the right time to tell her how I feel, but then the most important things to say are always the hardest as words diminish them.
With my sensible hat on, taking things slowly is a great plan but I at the same time I feel I could end up treading the line between common sense and the tragedy of letting the worlds most wonderful lady pass me by.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 December 2010):
I have one question for you: does she love you back? You said she was shy, but what does that mean? Does it mean she loves you. but doesn't want a relationship, does it mean you don't really get to know her and so have no idea if she loves you back, does it mean she wont let you close to her?
The important thing here really is.. does she return your feelings or not. In either case I think that rigt now it is best to take it slow and wait for the right time. If it feels right then go for it, but if you don't know if she loves you back then take a step back and calm down.
Perhaps you should just move closer, I mean why not. If you love it there, and she even suggested it sincerely, then do it. It will give you more opportunities to court her. However if you are unsure of her feelings for you, and you are unsure if it was a serious suggestion from her side, then take it slow. You do not want to come off as obsessed as that will only scare her away.
As for the "mature for her age" line, sorry, that doesn't work. If she only has 20 years of experience in life she only has 20 years of experience, and no more. Don't fool yourself into thinking it wont matter. If she's that much younger than you, and around 18-20, she will be less mature than an adult woman your own age at some level or the other, and you'll only be disappointed if you glorify her and set the standards too high for her. For example she's still studying, sounds as if she still lives with her parents, she might want to travel and not settle down yet, she might want things that you don't. So again.. just take it slow and wait until the time feels right for the both of you. One step at a time and you might be in for a wonderful relationship!
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